Lunch date gone out of control

[simplyfrustrated]

Something happened 8 days ago I cannot stop dwelling on. I had a lunch date with a total stranger that I had met for the first time. I don't think I provked anything . I came in dressed in sweats. I thought it was cool because he was treating me like I was one of the guys. Next thing I knew he was fondling me like I was an escort or something. I said no and also said I wasn't ready for whatever he was thinking of? He drove me home. But ends up texting me at 5am saying he was thinking of frisky things. I freaked out at him. Then he msg's back as if he was the victim in the situation. Demanding what do I want from him? I cant stop shaking this event. This was the first time in 8 years I had let a guy into my life. Out of no where he's throwing signs that I cant read.

At first he was talking to me like I was one of the guys! Next I find myself putting down my guard. instead of calling a cab? I let him drive me home. Somewhere between the restaurant and the ride home he was putting moves on me. I know I have no attractions towards him. I donno why I am dwelling so much on this. Is there something wrong with me mentally??

[simplyfrustrated]

Thank you for your compliment I get confused sometimes I'd end up speaking another language to a person who can't understand a darn thing that I am saying. Yes, ladies I've learnt my lesson !! Though I am quite scar for life. First date in 8 years at times like this I wonder if im meant to be alone. Then again, it's best to love yourself then to try to find someone to love you .

Normally, I buy my own stuff or pay for the bill with the guy or girlfriend that is there. But this time the waitress threw the bill at him. I tried to take it back but he wouldn't let me. He says he's the guy that is what GUYS are supposed to do.

Through and through I should of kept my guard up! I will keep it up from now on. Yeah, no kidding! Guy's these days have lost it unlike 1950-1970's.
Who knows where destiny will lead. Hopefully, next year I wont have to ask for female advice again. As of the moment I feel so much better that I let this off my chest.

[specialmom]

Ah, internet misunderstandings!  I didn't realize English is not your first language so you seem VERY fluent which is awesome!  

ugh, I hate to think men expect things if they pay.  Some men are of the mindset that a man always pays but I think they are fewer and fewer.  When I met my husband, I was deeply involved in my career and quite successful.  I was as financially secure as he was and I often picked up the tab myself.  He paid frequently as well.  It wasn't a big deal between us.  

So, I think it depends on the situation but when getting to know someone---  maybe stick to coffee or paying for yourself and as chima says, be careful.  Just be cautious.  

Sorry this happened to you but don't let it discourage you.  good luck

[Prizefighter]

" a man's wallet is connected to his manhood. If you let a guy pay something? Its for sure he'll expect something for it ".

I am offended!!! Just kidding.  In my dating days, I always paid for my date and never asked for anything.  Then again, I am kinda old school because of my age.  I don't know what these young people are into now.

[simplyfrustrated]

Hi, Thank you! For your story I guess I got out of it easily. The poo-head didn't pester me after I told him off. He word it as if I got the wrong impression of him he didn't mean to make it sound as if I were a booty call. At times like this I can't believe I have to admit my mother was right " a man's wallet is connected to his manhood. If you let a guy pay something? Its for sure he'll expect something for it ". I tried to pay for the lunch but he wouldn't let me. I thought he was just sincerely a gentlemen.. I honestly didn't expect from talking to me like a male co-worker he'd end up poking around in me. I couldn't sit straight for a week. sigh* But live and learn I guess. There was a first time for everything I think for sure I'll never attempt at this ever again. I think he's done he hasn't exploded my phone in a week. I think I'm safe...for now. But thank you I feel better now. Hope your luck changes soon too!!

[simplyfrustrated]

sorry, English isn't my first language. Certain words sounds better in my head then the way I type. But I fully understand your coming from good place. As you said Internet isn't the best place to meet someone. I've learnt
my lesson. Sincerely thank you

[specialmom]

I'm not sure why you got a little huffy at my comment to only meet someone there but you must understand this is the internet.  People do their best to try to help strangers piecing together the story from what they've written.

Sounds like internet dating isn't a good thing for you.

good luck

[Chima7]

A similar thing happened to me that got me badly rattled too. I met a guy from a dating website for dinner. I met him at the restaurant cause I would never let a strange guy see where I live. Dinner was fine, we had a good conversation. Then he said, let's get some drinks somewhere. So we left his car there and drive my car too a bar around the corner and down the street. It was a decent conversation, we had things in common, whatever.

So then we went back for me to drop him off at his car and he started bugging me about coming over to my house. I said thanks but no. And he kept going on and on about it. I said no, I don't know you and I'm not bringing you too my house. So finally he said ok fine, and he left. That's when things got interesting.

He called me the next day and proceeded to call me every horrible name under the sun cause I didn't invite him over to have sex. I mean he was full on angry bear mode complete with swear words and insults about female parts, you name it, he said it! And then he said I was nothing but a player and how I probably trick guys into buying me dinner and then leave them hanging all the time cause according to him, I'm trash. So, here I am listening to this guy, completely dumbfounded because if you knew me at all you'd know how way off the mark he was about me. And it really upset me that this guy, just because I wouldn't sleep with him, was saying all of these horrible things to me and about me. I finally told him that I was done with this conversation and hung up. Then he called back again 10 minutes later and ranted on me some more! At that point, it became ridiculous and I turned off my phone. It's a disposable phone, the kind you buy minutes for, cause I never give my real number out for reasons like that guy. And I never will because I have learned there are too many crazies out there.

Anyway, I just wanted to share my story with you cause from what he told me, guys today expect to get sex on the first date. And he said that I'm the idiot for believing there are still decent guys out there who would rather wait. I don't know how true that is because, consider the source. Despite this creeper I encountered, I still believe there are good guys out there but I also believe they are really, really hard to find because there are unfortunately more of the creepers that you have to wade through first to find the good guys. And you have to look really hard cause the creepers sometimes put on a good at at first.

[simplyfrustrated]

I thought I was loud and clear. GUESS not clear enough. It was at a restaurant but I donno what came over me. I knew I should of called a cab home? instead I let my guard down and let him drive me. sigh*  

I've always had a crappy problem  trying in person. A friend suggested this to me because it worked for her. Well, guess nothing is the same for  everyone. THANK YOU though ill try to get over this. Def need t

[specialmom]

Hm, well.  If you are meeting someone for the first time---  yes.  You go to a public place but you meet them there and there really shouldn't be any opportunity for alone time, groping.  You drive yourself and when you walk out, shake hands at the door and say bye.  

There are plenty of nice guys out there.  

I think many do have luck/success with online dating but I think it can be a bit risky.  I have always thought it better to meet someone through our 'real' life.  Join a gym, meet them either in the work out area or a work out class.  Join a book club.  Join a political group and volunteer.  Do a wine tasting class.  Take a course in anything.  And when you are at these places, be friendly and watch for other single people that you have things in common with.

If you do online dating----  make sure your profile is very clear that you are a serious woman looking for friends and not hook ups.  good luck

[simplyfrustrated]

As embrassing as this is to admit it was from an online dating site. I kinda can't stop feeling cheap about it. He touched me in all sexual ways... are there no genuine types of guys left that would take time to know you're name? How it's properly pronounced before he tries to find the on botton in your pants?

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, there are creeps out there, that's for sure.  I wouldn't let this give you the opinion that all guys are like this.  They aren't.

Good question as to how you met him.  How did you end up on a lunch date with him if he was a stranger?  

[thirdtimemum]

How did you meet him? Online or a blind date? If you've never given him any inclination that you wanted more then I'd just tell him 'was nice meeting you but I'm not looking for anything more at the moment and I'm not interested' and leave it at that.