Aa
What's wrong with me?????????
Hello,
I'm a 22 yr old female and have been married to my husband going on 4 yrs now. We've always had a great sex life until We were involved in a serious car accident.
To make a long story short, I have several injuries in my back and am always in pain. Since the accident our sex life has gone a little sour. Its not that I dont want to have sex but I'm in too much pain to and when I take my pain meds to eleviate the pain, I knock out.
Because we dont have sex often, he makes me feel bad about it and tells me that I 'm making him want to go cheat on me to make himself satisfied.
Does anyone have any advice to give me????
I'm a 22 yr old female and have been married to my husband going on 4 yrs now. We've always had a great sex life until We were involved in a serious car accident.
To make a long story short, I have several injuries in my back and am always in pain. Since the accident our sex life has gone a little sour. Its not that I dont want to have sex but I'm in too much pain to and when I take my pain meds to eleviate the pain, I knock out.
Because we dont have sex often, he makes me feel bad about it and tells me that I 'm making him want to go cheat on me to make himself satisfied.
Does anyone have any advice to give me????
Best Answer
i vote if talking dont work then wait till he has a head ache or hit in the balls and then offer sex and when he turns u down and looks at u like ur nuts then point out that he makes u feel the same way when u hurt and he lays on the blame game lol sometimes ppl learn diffrent lol like by example .....heehee i couldnt resist
Keep those communication lines flowing. Communication and honesty are key elements in marriage, so if you feel a certain way, talk openly about it. Hopefully he took your talk into consideration and now that he knows how you feel, will continue to think twice before making "threats."
He's actually 10 yrs older than I am.
Things have been getting better in our relationship. I literally sat with him and explained what he is doing and how it makes me feel. He's been a lot more caring since then but its too early to say because we just talked a few days ago.
Thank you to all you guys for giving me such great advise. Maybe I can help you through something one day :)
Things have been getting better in our relationship. I literally sat with him and explained what he is doing and how it makes me feel. He's been a lot more caring since then but its too early to say because we just talked a few days ago.
Thank you to all you guys for giving me such great advise. Maybe I can help you through something one day :)
I see you are 22. How old is your husband? I'm going to assume he is about the same age as you for now. If so, then I think this is a combination of immaturity (on his part) and just flat out being a "guy." It is soooo extremely inconsiderate to say those hurtful things to you. Being in pain alone will kill a sex drive, not to mention the medications. The two combined, and well, you know the rest. While sex is important in a marriage, there are still other components that are even more important, and with his attitude about the sex thing, those other components will now be in jeopardy. I get that it may be hurting his ego a little bit, but seriously, he was there and saw and felt what happened. A little compassion on his part would go a lot further than threats.
Thank you both for commenting.
To: LostGuy92
lol, that little job kinda made my day. Thanks and I will take your suggestions serious. I think its jus weird talking to someone face to face about your sex life when you dont really know the person beyond their proffesion. But if thats what I have to do then I will.
To: specialmom
You can really relate to my situation and I'm glad you commented. Sometimes I feel like I'm dealing with this pain on my own, but in reality theres many others in the same situations I'm in. I'm glad I found this forum because I can vent and no one will judge.
Anyway to answer your question, The accident was just a year ago, November 16, 2009. My pain is very chronic and I am still recovering. I'm in the process of scheduling the injections for my spine this month. If it doesnt work, the other alternative is surgery. I hope it works, because i am way to young to get surgery.
As far as our sex life, I think he's still trying to get used to the fact that I'm not the same person anymore, hypothetically speaking. We both got injured in the accident but myself more than he. I have 4 herniated discs and a pinched nerve, so its difficult sometimes for me to do everyday tasks sometimes. Sometimes he pain is so bad that I wake up crying and screaming because I get random sharp pains.
I get very upset and depressed when he tells me things like that. It makes me feel very unattractive. We communicate as much as possible, but because we were so sexually active with each other before and this accident is farely new, its hard for him (especially) to get used to.
We've tried other forms of sex, but its just not the same... lol
Well guys thans again and hope to hear from ya'll soon :)
To: LostGuy92
lol, that little job kinda made my day. Thanks and I will take your suggestions serious. I think its jus weird talking to someone face to face about your sex life when you dont really know the person beyond their proffesion. But if thats what I have to do then I will.
To: specialmom
You can really relate to my situation and I'm glad you commented. Sometimes I feel like I'm dealing with this pain on my own, but in reality theres many others in the same situations I'm in. I'm glad I found this forum because I can vent and no one will judge.
Anyway to answer your question, The accident was just a year ago, November 16, 2009. My pain is very chronic and I am still recovering. I'm in the process of scheduling the injections for my spine this month. If it doesnt work, the other alternative is surgery. I hope it works, because i am way to young to get surgery.
As far as our sex life, I think he's still trying to get used to the fact that I'm not the same person anymore, hypothetically speaking. We both got injured in the accident but myself more than he. I have 4 herniated discs and a pinched nerve, so its difficult sometimes for me to do everyday tasks sometimes. Sometimes he pain is so bad that I wake up crying and screaming because I get random sharp pains.
I get very upset and depressed when he tells me things like that. It makes me feel very unattractive. We communicate as much as possible, but because we were so sexually active with each other before and this accident is farely new, its hard for him (especially) to get used to.
We've tried other forms of sex, but its just not the same... lol
Well guys thans again and hope to hear from ya'll soon :)
I think what is wrong with you is that you have pain due to a car accident. :-p Sorry I couldn't resist.
The challenge is that you can't have the sex because you are in the pain you are in. Something I know pretty well. He needs to be supprotive of the accident and understanding that the pain is what is preventing you from doing a task that you (I assume) enjoyed quite much.
Sex has many componets to it. If you can find a way to perform other sexual activities that may not cause you the pain you are in. Also coming from a guy who once dated an Occupational Therapist something you can do as well is talk to your treating doctor about ways to have a safe sexual encounter and if you are in therapy ask them for positions that will comply with any precautions you have and ways to ensure safe / painless sex. This is NOT something you should be afraid to talk about with your providers because they are trained in it (believe it or not). They can give you tips of positions that will work for you. Now mind you they aren't going to be the kramasutra but telling you the ways best sort of positioning you can be in for some of these activities would help.
The challenge is that you can't have the sex because you are in the pain you are in. Something I know pretty well. He needs to be supprotive of the accident and understanding that the pain is what is preventing you from doing a task that you (I assume) enjoyed quite much.
Sex has many componets to it. If you can find a way to perform other sexual activities that may not cause you the pain you are in. Also coming from a guy who once dated an Occupational Therapist something you can do as well is talk to your treating doctor about ways to have a safe sexual encounter and if you are in therapy ask them for positions that will comply with any precautions you have and ways to ensure safe / painless sex. This is NOT something you should be afraid to talk about with your providers because they are trained in it (believe it or not). They can give you tips of positions that will work for you. Now mind you they aren't going to be the kramasutra but telling you the ways best sort of positioning you can be in for some of these activities would help.
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I don't know how long ago the accident was. Are you still recovering or is your pain chronic? If the accident wasn't long ago------------- hon, I think your husband is being a bit unreasonable. There will be times in a marriage in which someone may not be able to have sex due to health reasons. A spouse that says that this makes them feel like cheating may be being honest, I guess, but that is not what it is suppose to be like in a marriage. For better or worse, right? You aren't denying him on purpose. You are in pain or sleeping due to the pain meds you need to get through a difficult time in your life.
Now if the pain is chronic, you'll have to address how this will affect your lifestyle. You'll have to come up with solutions to the issue. Communication is key. Perhaps you can "help" him without actually having sex yourself when in pain. Something else that happens with chronic pain which is quite common is a low level of depression. And this can lead to a lower sex drive. So address that if there is a possibility that this is happening. Then communicate about what you can do without pain and try different things to so that you can resume a sex life with him. It is important to remain intimate long term with your partner. But it may have to be different than it was.
If it is a short term issue, I also think communication is important. Tell him that you'l like to but it hurts and it is hard to feel sexy when you have a grimmace of pain on your face. Also, maybe you can find a window in your medication in which you are still awake but the pain has dulled . ..
Well, good luck. But I will tell you---------- I'd be ticked if my husband told me he thought of cheating as I was recovering from a car accident.