When do you call it quits?

[lazyleggs]

My fiance and I have been together for a year. We moved fast and have lived together for the last 10 months. It's been a deep and strong relationship, but had some ups and downs. We have been separated for the last 2 weeks after having some breakdowns.... We are BOTH realizing that we can't and don't want to go on without eachother. IF we were to try to work things out, we have a LOT to do. We would immediately start couples counseling and are confident that we can get back to a healthy point where we need to be. But it's been pretty bad the last few weeks and our friends and family aren't at all supportive of us getting back together and I'm really worried that that will be something we cannot mend. Additionally, I'm having a hard time dealing with how much has been 'ruined' or lost during our troubled times. I'm afraid I will always remember our first Christmas ruined and will always yearn for the pictures and meaningful valuables that we've thrown away.  Yet, we both miss eachother. We both feel like we are MEANT TO BE. We dont know what to do... How far is too far? How much is too much? Is there such a thing as trying too hard?

[babypooh]

Perhaps you can agree on not living together for now.  You can go to couples therapy and try to reconnect.  Let go of the past, hard as it may be. I know it's hard to lose memories, pictures, etc., but you will make new memories with a better foundation to work on. If you really love each other, any work you put in the relationship will be worth it, whether it works out or not. Good luck.

[autum]

just want to say, the first year you live together is the hardest, do to getting use to each others ways, but if you can tough it up and survive it, then its not as hard afterwards...  you must compromise, discuss problems...  

me and my hubby had a tough time during the first year we lived together...we didnt live together until after we got married, but  marriage isnt easy, you are not going to get along every single day of your lives, but if you both try to compromise and work things out then it will work..

[mami1323]

I wrote this in the other forum:

If you want it to work then make it work.  Stop looking back and thinking about what was ruined, if you want to move forward think about what you can make better for the future.  Forget about last x-mas, think about making this one special.  If you know you and him want to be together and are making steps to mend the relationship with counseling, then what exactly are you still contemplating about?  You either make it work or you don't.  It's that simple.  Forget about what other people think.  They don't have to live with the decisions you make, they have their own lives.  You need to do what makes you happy and if you're happy then they will eventually come to terms with the decision you've made to stay.  Unless this man has physically abused you or has done something so unforgiving where they have the right to dislike him, then don't worry about how they feel.  Now if this is why they don't agree with the relationship then they have every right to feel the way they do because they are worried about your safety or well being.  You need to either take a step in the direction of healing your relationship or take a step back and go your separate ways.  I know you've been writing these posts for a month now, you should've come to a conclusion by now of what you want to do with this relationship already.  Good luck.