Women write in on MedHelp often that they are living with someone and performing all the services of a wife, but the guy won't marry them and they are afraid to press the issue. I don't get why they are afraid to press the issue! Why not say what they want? If that is what they want and he won't give it, they should be told so they can get out of a situation where they are basically being used for sex and as a housekeeper.
This guy, at least, is not lying to her about his lack of interest in being married, a lot of guys just string the woman along for the free sex and services. She is acting like she doesn't believe him. She should believe him.
This guy has clearly said he does not want to be married. You call his reasons lame but it doesn't matter if they are lame or great, he specifically and explicitly says he doesn't want to be married. One person wanting to be married + another person not wanting to be married = not being married. What are you going to do, tie him up and force him to say "I do"? You sound like you think that if you disagree with him enough on this question, he won't feel the way he does. I'll bet he feels right now like you are not hearing him.
All you can do is stay or go. If you stay, you have to make your peace with the situation. It sounds like you intend to stay and not make your peace with the situation but instead to grumble, grouse and line up reasons why you are a great couple who should be married. That is not going to work and it isn't very adult either. Either stay and like it, or go.
Sorry, but one person cannot unilaterally decide that a couple will be married. It takes both.
in this situation you should tell whats in your mind, if your partner is not ready for marriage then you should tell him that you will not be a burden on him and would help him in his work.
You too anniebrooke! LOL I wanted to welcome tink back as I haven't seen her in a while but didn't mean to not leave kudos for you too!
Tink--- always succinct and helpful!
I quote You:
"I do not want to waste my time".......
"on someone who says he is committed 100% but his actions say otherwise".
"I have begun to pull back because I feel like it's not leading further, that there is no point in staying"
I don't think your expectations are too high and I agree with you - follow your own convictions here and don't "waste your time"
Regards,
Tink
Hm, not sure how I feel about this. I DO think you have every right to express to him that this is very important to you and that he needs to judge and gage his reasoning for not marrying you against that. If he were to apply a scale of 1 to 10 to his reasons and you would apply a 1 to 10 to yours, would they stack up and be equal? If you are at a 10 for this being at the top of importance to you and it is expressed this way and his reasons were at a 5, 6, 7 or even up to a 9 . . . I take that seriously to then have him think about if he can compromise.
However, it's a question if you really want to be with a man who compromises with you in order to marry you. I kind of want he dream myself of someone as into it as me.
You have EVERY right to expect a man that you are thinking about being with long term and he is expressing that to you to marry you. If he sticks to his guns, you need to think about your next move. Is this a deal breaker? If it is, then do not be afraid to act on it. He may find that his reasons for not marrying you then--- NOT worth losing you over.
You can't convince someone to marry you. But you can work with your significant other to find a resolution that is going to work. And when you can't, you part ways.
So, this comes down to communication and you being VERY sure of your next step should he be firm about no marriage.
Let us know what happens! Here to help if we can. good luck