Why do people take body image so seriously?

[LilTuter21]

I understand that this is the 21st century and its not like were living in the Dark Ages, but I can't seem to understand why people have such high standards about what kind of person would be ideal for them. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not the type of girl to settle with just anybody but I do know people who are picky to the extreme. I just want to know why is having a certain look and body image so important? Can't we all just be happy being different? Being just ourselves?

[LilTuter21]

Its awesome to hear from women who have a lot of self confidence in themselves. I'm not so sure but I think I might be the youngest one here. I'm 21 years old. Ever since I turned that age, things started to happen. I started finding myself gaining weight in all the right places. I'm taking way better care of myself and I'm even finding myself smiling more and more in front of the mirror. Going through my teenage years, I had the hardest time with self esteem. I was incredibly thin but my boobs were growing faster than the rest of my body. I wore braces and glasses, and I had no kind of fashion sense. I used to feel so uncomfortable with my body. But for some reason, as soon as I turned 21, it was like the magical age for me to bloom into my own body. For the first time I'm actually accepting myself for who I am. I'm never going to have a body like Jennifer Lopez or Kim Kardashian and I'm ok with that.

[imanaddict]

My first husband liked brunettes with brown eyes, short and big legs. I was total opposite! i was blonde, tall and thin (at the time) with green eyes. We lasted 7 yrs and after we split up, he married a girl with all the features he always said he was attracted to. I have never really had a preference as far as looks go. I am a sucker for a great personality and have always been the type of gal that will go for a less attractive man with a wonderful personality. Luckily I got both with my current husband! LOL!

I feel the same as Judy as far as my appearance. I wear makeup, fix my hair, have gotten extremely picky about my clothes, get my nails done, etc...but I am not and never will be a size zero. It's just not my body type. I have major curves and the perfect weight for my body frame is about 140. I am happy  within myself and my husband always tells me that I'm sexy, so that is ALL I care about!

[mami1323]

Of course they are going to chose someone that resembles the ex.  Not because they miss the ex but because that is their preference.  My fiance likes women with light hair, light eyes and big butts and that's exactly what he got with me.  He dated a lot of different looking women though.  However, the weirdest thing is he had an affair with a woman who was nothing like his type.  She was skinny, only had like a muscular type frame but no body, stringy hair that she dyed lighter but was brown, and was very unattractive looking.  I would think she was the complete opposite of myself.  I'm not sure what was going on there.

[teko]

Rock, all you make a good point.  I wonder if it has anything to do with location? I live in SW FL, and most of us are an average age of 50 and up! lol  I guess that could play into it. Tis true that we are physically attracted to what we like in a person. I like chocolate eyes and dark hair and always have but my first husband had my coloring and skinny and pale. It was his personality I fell for.  My current and last husband on this earth is part cherokee Indian and is ruff and gruff to anyone who meets him, but inside is just a teddy bear.  Go figure. What say you?

[LilTuter21]

All of u guys have many interesting comments. Now, I have another question? Have you guys ever noticed when people break up with some one and they end up going out with somebody who looks like their ex? Could that be sheer coincidence or could it really be that people have a specific taste in what they like? For instance, my ex fiance has always been used to going out with girls who are dark skinned, tall, with dark curly hair, small breasts and big butts. He likes curvy chicks. I'm almost met his standards. I'm dark skinned, short, have dark naturally curly hair, bigger breasts and a small butt. Now that were broken up, he's back to those same specific details he likes with women. I think its incredibly shallow.

[mami1323]

I have none to compare to.  My best friend is gorgeous, I'm talking drop dead gorgeous with a great body and her husband is eh.  They are separated because he's nuts.  My other friend who I think is attractive and her husband is attractive have an ok marriage.  My other friend who I think is pretty but others don't think she is that pretty and her fiance who is ok but has a killer personality are getting married and very respectful and happy.  My friend who is unique looking but I wouldn't say pretty has a very good looking husband and their marriage is ok, she's very difficult to deal with.  So I really don't know how to compare that.

[RockRose]

teko - really?  I'm trying to think of people I know,  who I consider exceptionally good-looking,  and they have great marriages.  All of them,  in fact.  And then when I think of people I know who I believe are distinctly physically unattractive,  they have terrible marriages.  Or what looks like a terrible marriage on the outside,  it must work for them somehow because they're still together,  but they openly disrespect each other and don't even appear to like each other.    I'm thinking about 4 or so couples in each category.

Its funny,  though,  when I look at the couples,  I'm looking at the woman.  The guys in the couples in both categories are closer to average.  But when I think of the 5 prettiest women I know - their husbands are clearly crazy about them,  and they are very respectful and sweet in return.

Hm.  I wonder what everyone else's experience is.  

[teko]

Look around! The best marriages are those with unattractive partners.  It is proof that it is what is inside of someone that matters.  I also know some people who are physically very very attractive and their marriage *****. Go figure. Personally, I think people overall have gotten sloppy in their appearances tho. No make up, hair unkempt, muffin top clothes. People seem to have lost respect for themself. This is not being vane, just being groomed!

[mami1323]

I knew someone who wouldn't consort with unattractive people.  Well I didn't know him well but my friend was talking to him for about a week until she saw what type of person he was.  He was a male model, very very very good looking.  When we met him he was already irritating to me because he wanted her "full" attention (he was a bouncer at a bar we went to) and her and I would go alone, he would pull her away from me and leave me standing there by myself.  When I would come and get her, he would get annoyed.  I didnt' care because I was the type of person who didn't do well with his attitude and would go off on him.  Anyway, we used to hang out sometimes with a couple of guy friends of ours and they weren't the most physically attractive people but they were really nice guys and was always very respectful to us.  So she was sitting down talking to one of our guy friends and the arrogant bouncer saw him talking to him and was like "who is that?" she told him it was our friend and he said to her "well you really shouldn't talk to him because he's ugly." Can you believe that?  Who is he to judge?  That was it for him and my friend, she wanted nothing to do with him after that.  Even though he was really attractive, his judgemental personality, made him the ugliest person I've ever known.  So unless you yourself are like that guy, looks shouldn't make a difference.  It's who the person is inside that should matter the most.

[Judy246]

I feel that someone who fuss with their body image to an extreme is insecure inside or is not happy with their image. I personally make it a point to do my makeup, hair and "care" about my appearance and I really don't give a hoot what anybody thinks of me. As long as I like myself and am confident with myself that is all that matters to me.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm blessed to have a very attractive partner, but if he did not have a good heart, moral values and respected me, I would not be with him.

Moral of my story....just be yourself and accept yourself as you are....Judy

[RockRose]

I guess I don't understand your specific question,  liltuter.

If you're socializing with people who have very unreasonable standards and won't accept someone who isn't model-perfect,  you're associating with the wrong crowd.

I can't tell if you're talking about people's standards for themselves,  or standards for their partners.  You kind of switch in the middle.

But - everyone does have some standards in a romantic partner.  Sexual partners do involve attraction,  so the person has to fit your mold of "attractive" and can't just be different and comfortable with themselves.