Will the pain ever stop after an affair?

[Fool2011]

I learned a week before Christmas my husband had been having an affair for at least 6 months. I found a love letter from his girlfriend in his work bag. We have been together for 21 years. I have never felt so much pain. I can't get thoughts and images of them together out of my head. I don't know what she looks like but I picture someone much prettier. I do know she's 3 years younger than me. Of course. He travels so it's easy. He as a hotel room and he's in another state and they work together.
I'm tired of crying all the time and thinking about them. I cry in the shower, in my car to work, during lunch, in the car on the way home and when I go to bed.
We have 2 children and I don't want to hurt them.  I have thought of divorce but of course my husband is sorry...he lost his way...didnt realize what he had. All the typical answers you would expect to hear. I don't know what to do. I feel like a fool. I have always felt ugly and now i really feel ugly.  I had a feeling something was going on all last summer but I was told no and that I'm being ridiculous. Then the truth comes out only because I caught him. What if I didn't find that letter?
I have been told by others to let him go because he will do it again. I have been told I deserve better. My dad cheated on my mom. My neighbors I grew up next to, he cheated on her. My sister in law is currently having an affair, our newest neighbors are divorced due to an affair. Does everyone cheat now? Does anyone know what it means to be married? I have thought of revenge. I know there's one guy if I asked him to have sex with me he would. I've thought about doing it to put him in just as much pain as I'm in, but then I realize I'm a better person and I know right from wrong. It would make me just as sleazy as him.
I want to know if his affair is over. He says yes, I don't believe him. I want to know everything about her that is better than me....he won't tell.  I want to know if the pain will go away? Will I ever trust him again? Will I ever forgive him? Am i going to be made a fool of again if i stay? Will I ever love him again?

[cmommyof5]

I know how you feel. I am almost 8 months into finding out about my husbands affair. I wish I could tell you it gets better but right now I am in a huge suffering pattern where I cant get her face out of my mind. I look at his hands and think of him touching her kissing her and just being him with her and it is making me crazy. We have been married 21 years and have been together 24. We have five children and have always been in love. The kind of in love where my friends would always say I wish my husband would look at me like that. I know my husband loves me and we have had a very rough year he is the one person I know could always help me heal but going to him now is hard, I also hurt him never cheated but he says I grew away from him and he needed to feel needed and of course there she was. We have been rebuilding it is hard. We are faithful people so Christ has played a big part of our healing. The pain I felt before I knew about her was unbearable he kept telling me he was leaving, but many nights he would hold me in his arms and cry telling me he just wanted peace,then one night he asked me what we were going to do and I said Save us, he said then I have something to tell you...
Listen it is not easy but if you really love each other and make a commitment to making a change for the better and walk this road as one I believe in the end it will be worth it.
If you need to "chat" feel free to message me. I am no expert but maybe I can just listen. Be well and be strong.

[crushed2012]

OMG I just don't know what to do right now. Me and my husband have been married for 7 years now and I just found out he was cheating. I haven't told anyone about this other than his brother who I feel is the only person I could talk to at the time. This just happened in December 2012. Looking at his bank statement and phone log it seems as if he has been seeing her since August 2012. I noticed something when I called his phone and he would not pick up. I had just got off the phone with him about 5 minutes previous. And now he all of a sudden was not answering. O lord I didn't want to believe this. So I started digging. And u know what happens when u start digging. I confronted him first before I started digging and so he said he was here and there. So I said ok. O let me just say this. After he would not answer his phone I went on line and added the sprint locator. This gave me an idea where he was but I still wasn't sure. The next day I started searching his closet, clothes, car anything I could think of. In the car he carry a bag for his gym clothes. On the side I say a Walgreens bag in the bag was a receipt. Low and be hold the receipt was for some condoms. This had confirmed my suspicion. He had to come clean. Even then he denied that that receipt was not his so I politely showed him the receipt and took his wallet and showed him the card he used to purchase the condoms. Then he came up with another lie sayin that the condoms was his but when he bought them he thought about what he was doing and just threw the condoms out. He was sad over the last couple of days from seeing me sad so I guess he had to come up with something to make me feel better. First he asked me if I wanted to me her so he can see it was nothing then one day he ended up coming to my job and calling her on the phone putting it on speaker to confirm that they never slept together and that they could not be friends anymore. I told him he could have coached her before he got to my job. Yea he has ask me to forgive him and I told him I could not right now. We have 2 boys ages 5 and 7. Some days I'm good and other days like to day my heart aches. I just want to be alone and cry and I feel that this is affecting me in how I deal with my kids on a day to day basis. I am so confused. I don't know what do do. Please help.

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome.  i want to point out that this is an old post and most who posted here are long gone.  

I'm sorry for your pain and this difficult time and wish you much luck in rebuilding your relationship with your husband.  If you need any support, feel free to contact me or leave a post on the forum.  good luck dear

[cmommyof5]

HE is a married man. There should of been no beginning of a relationship. Happy or unhappy he was still married. Do you have any idea how that feels to his wife. No it is not all your fault but out of respect for his wife you should of walked away. I'm sorry but as a wife who is now trying to pick up the pieces after seven months everyday is hard and I am one of the lucky ones (if that is what it is called) my husband and I are putting our lives back together he is sorry and the 24 years we have spent together means more then a 7 month affair with someone who really means nothing. But daily the pain is there. You will never know what the pain unless it happens to you.

[newtothis13]

Hi! I know I will get a lot of negative comments by posting on here, but I will take it, as I would like to share some insight from The Other Woman side. Please read this. First of all, I am truly sorry for what you are going through, just like I am truly sorry what the wife of my ex (boyfriend?) is going through. They have been married for 7 years, no children. Married at 25 after 3 months of knowing each other. My affair with the guy lasted for 9 months during which I was lead to believe that he is unhappy and lonely in his marriage, is in love with me, going to divorce his wife, asked for a divorce, and finally that he moved out. None of which as I came to find out was true. I broke it off when I figured out he was a con. Called his wife and told her everything. His wife decided to stay with him and go to counseling. She called me several times to tell me about that and to tell me to back off which I already did way before. He called me on several occasions, WHILE THEY WERE IN COUNSELING WORKING ON THEIR MARRIAGE, wanting to tell me how he is still unhappy and loves me. Although, I still love that man, I told him I do not believe his lies anymore and to go back to his wife and leave me alone. My point here is, that some men are UNABLE TO BE HONEST. He lied about the circumstances, length, and emotional substance of our affair to his wife and in counseling. He is not REALLY WORKING ON HIS MARRIAGE but rather making it seem that he does to pacify his wife and regain trust again. But when the dust settles.... I am sure he will go back to his nasty ways. Good luck!

[newtothis13]

Hi! I know I will get a lot of negative comments by posting on here, but I will take it, as I would like to share some insight from The Other Woman side. Please read this. First of all, I am truly sorry for what you are going through, just like I am truly sorry what the wife of my ex (boyfriend?) is going through. They have been married for 7 years, no children. Married at 25 after 3 months of knowing each other. My affair with the guy lasted for 9 months during which I was lead to believe that he is unhappy and lonely in his marriage, is in love with me, going to divorce his wife, asked for a divorce, and finally that he moved out. None of which as I came to find out was true. I broke it off when I figured out he was a con. Called his wife and told her everything. His wife decided to stay with him and go to counseling. She called me several times to tell me about that and to tell me to back off which I already did way before. He called me on several occasions, WHILE THEY WERE IN COUNSELING WORKING ON THEIR MARRIAGE, wanting to tell me how he is still unhappy and loves me. Although, I still love that man, I told him I do not believe his lies anymore and to go back to his wife and leave me alone. My point here is, that some men are UNABLE TO BE HONEST. He lied about the circumstances, length, and emotional substance of our affair to his wife and in counseling. He is not REALLY WORKING ON HIS MARRIAGE but rather making it seem that he does to pacify his wife and regain trust again. But when the dust settles.... I am sure he will go back to his nasty ways. Good luck!