Decided to be alone

[aahmad69]

Hi everyone, I was in a bad relationship, all things in this relationship were from my side, like respect, she tried to change this relationship to a social friendship many times, finally I decided to be alone and end this situation but I'm depressed and anxious, I'm worried about her that she will be hurt. I talk to myself, trying to calm myself but it does not work most of the times.
I can't focus on anything even on playing the piano or studying. I just want to sleep but I can't even sleep because my heart is racing and I feel bad.
What should I do?

[specialmom]

How is it going?  I hope you are doing alright.

[specialmom]

It's the weekend.  How are things going?  I know those can be hard during a break up.  Talk to us, we're here for you.

[aahmad69]

Sorry for late reply I was on a vacation but as soon as I returned, all of bad things started to happen and I don't feel good, I'm going to a therapist soon, I feel guilty about myself.

[TruthLady]

Hei, Ahmad, I remember you asking for advice about your relationship a while ago and I'm glad you decided to be brave and cut it. That break up was long overdue and the person in question had it coming. Now i know how you feel but I want you to know that the beginnings are toughest and it will only get easier andd easier from here. Also don't let her guilt you into taking her back, no, she won't hurt herself as i remember she had quite a few admirers and romantic options so she will bounce right back. It's just the initial shock of you leaving her, she thought she would always have you in her grasp and have her way with you so this was a bit of slap in the face. Be strong, don't give her an inch of ground and start entertaining the idea of new girlfriend. The one who is destined for you is right there. Try and be happy.

[specialmom]

well said.

[aahmad69]

Hi and thanks for your reply, I'm so thankful. I know what you are saying but she does not want to end it and she is making troubles for both of us to not to end it.

I'm stuck and I'm loosing everything such as my family, my job opportunities and so on. I can't take it anymore and I'm too depressed.

[auntiejessi]

It's better for her if you end it now, than to wait and end it later. She may be hurt, but she'll be more hurt if she realizes you were dishonest about your feelings for a long time.

I also totally agree with Annie when she says to tone down the blame. Just tell it's not working for you, or that you aren't getting along (if that's true). Don't mention her "behavior" - you aren't her parent.

Be gentle and kind, honest, and firm. If you are sure it's over, don't waver and keep going back and forth.

It's not going to be easy, but it won't be any easier tomorrow, next week or next month.

[AnnieBrooke]

You say you are worried about hurting her, which suggests you have not quite come to the point of telling her that you are ending the relationship. You will be better able to focus on other things once you cleanly end it. Then you won't be on the fence, and she can start to adjust to the new reality that you are no longer a couple. You might tone down on the blame, though. It is probably more true that you two are just incompatible for the long term than it is that her "behavior is too bad." Claiming that she is bad will pick a fight.

[specialmom]

Oh, I'm sorry. Breaking up is really hard to do (this is a song!).  But it really is.  I remember breaking up with someone I cared about.  It was the right thing to do but I felt so torn.  **I** was taking the action to end it.  I questioned myself.  I felt bad hurting him.  It's just not easy.  Different people have different ways of coping.  I threw myself into self improvement often if I broke up with someone (their decision or mine).  I would get into my exercise and healthy eating, I'd work on my hobbies and pet interests, I cleaned closets.  All that good stuff.  That is one way to distract yourself. You could also reach out to friends and make some social plans of your own with no intention of anything romantic coming of it (like meeting a new person or kindling something with someone you know).  Just get out and do things in order to keep yourself busy. Then you think about it less and with time the freshness and pain and anxiety of it dulls.  

Yoga.  Meditation.  Spiritual engagement (praying).  Exercise.  Keep busy.  Start a journal to write out your thoughts. Hang in there.

[aahmad69]

I really love her but our relationship does not work out, I have to end this, because she does not want to take steps for relationship, she is nice and kind but her behavior is too bad specially with me.