depression over being single

[jes2091]

Hi. I'm feeling depressed. I've been single for 2 years. I've dated guys but they aren't my type. Nothing I would be attracted to. I have recently spoke with my high school sweetheart. I was with him for 5 years and it's been 6 years since we've split. Of course I've dated someone else. He gave me the news that he had gotten married and is now expecting a baby. This made me a bit sad because I was thinking in seeing him again and starting over. But guess that's out of the question. I go out. To bars, even talk to random guys at the mall or anywhere. But nothing is helping. I'm 25, an  worry that I'll be single forever.

[Chima7]

Being single has been great for me. I've been more busy now than I ever was in a relationship.  And the key ingredient has been it's all stuff I want to do without having to compromise with someone else for what they want to do.  I just turned 40 and I've been single going on 6 years. It's been a huge blessing for me because I've managed to have a ton of adventures with my friends that were as a result of spontaneity,  which is harder to do when you're tied down to a relationship.  Go have some fun! There's so much to do out there, you just have to go seek out and explore different avenues to see what you enjoy doing. Life isn't all about being in a relationship.  It's about living each day to the fullest and taking chances on things that can lead to other stuff that you may not have considered before. Don't worry so much,  just get out there and do stuff!

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I went through a phase in which I felt like I couldn't find anyone I wanted to date too.  Lots of people have time periods like that and the key is to keep your standards high and put yourself in the position to meet a quality person.

And that probably isn't ever going to happen at a bar to be honest.  

Here is my recommendation---  focus on your same sex or even opposite sex friends.  Strengthen those relationships and then you have people to do lots of things with that might put you in a better position to meet someone.  They may have a work friend or you may go to a party with them and meet someone interesting where mutual attraction can grow.  

Explore things you like to do.  As Anniebrooke mentioned, volunteering is a good way to meet other like minded people.  I joined an organization of young professionals in my city that did community work when I was single and met lots of people similar to me.  Don't go with the intention of 'finding someone to date' but rather, go for the experience and as you do the volunteer work, you may hit it off with someone as a bonus.  I also belonged to a gym.  I met many people at the gym.  Make sure you join one that has a clientele similar to you.  I joined one downtown when single and everyone was the working crowd like myself.  I liked working out---  so it was a natural fit to meet men there that also liked working out.  And if you go regularly and do things like lift weights (I wasn't any body builder but liked to use weight machines and free weights to tone)---  you'll strike up conversations.  Whatever other interests you have, now is the time to get involved in them.  Book clubs, wine tasting, political organizations, tennis, etc.  I had season tickets to our cities NFL team---  ha, that was great.  I could take a girlfriend and socialize with people that way or ask a date to go with me.  

Anyway,  you may meet someone through the activities or at the very least have many interesting things to talk about when you do meet someone.  

So, I think those are good ways to meet people.  Some do try online dating but I think it really helps to meet someone through a shared interest.

I do also agree that relationships are great but that time in which it is ALL about you is also great.  You don't realize it until later.  I love being married but the time I had as a single lady was pretty cool in the long run.  good luck

[AnnieBrooke]

Single is not a bad way to be, frankly.  After a while in a relationship, the couple can get so tired of each other that they both fantasize about all the ease and freedom that comes with not being accountable to anyone else.  But I know, you're going to tell me you don't like the loneliness.  So, address the loneliness.  Do the thing that makes you feel the most connected.  That's not usually going to a bar, and often can be getting active in a charity or other similar endeavor, or even in church.  The first grade at my school has three single dads who bring their kids to school every day, and a huge need for school volunteers.  Our local humane society is always calling out for volunteers.  Anything you're interested in, you can probably find someone volunteering and a spot where you could also.  Start with that base and at least the people you meet, you'll have something in common with.