anxiety after cheating on husband

[nfcu1]

I will try to make this as short as possible. My husband and I were married when I was 17 years old. We were married for 8 years last year when we decided to seperate. While we were seperated I had unprotected sex with 2 different guys. I know that was so stupid but at that time I just felt completely lost and depressed with my life. I just felt like I had started my life so young. I had my first son when I was 16 and now at 26 have three kids. All my kids are from my husband. Well luckily me and my husband decided to get back together. I love him so much and I realize now that I don't want anyone else but him. But my problem is that it has been a year since my infedility and I carry so much guilt. I have so much anxiety and have even been having panic attacks lately. He doesn't know that I slept with other men because that would honestly ruin our marriage. He was the only one I had ever slept with before and he prides on that. I have constant anxiety about STDs. I constantly think that I have contracted an STD from one of those 2 men. Even though I have been tested for all STDs and come back negative I have constant anxiety and panic attacks about it. I keep thinking well maybe I took the tests too soon (even though I took them during the desired time frame), or I think maybe the lab made an error. I just can't stop thinking about it. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to live my life and be happy especially now that I have my family back together but the anxiety and guilt will not let me. Please has anyone had a similar experience? I feel like the most horrible person.

[specialmom]

Well, good luck.  I am sure a therapist will help you.  I think it is so important to treat anxiety and depression because it will put a cloud over everything else in our life.  People don't have to live that way.  

Good luck to you and let us know how it goes.

[nfcu1]

Thank yall for the great advice. I am calling counselors today to try and make an appointment. The anxiety has been really bad lately. Maybe because it was exactly around this time last year that it happened. I haven't been able to eat for 3 days.

[teko]

How do you know he didnt do the same? Have you ever talked about what wen on when you were separated? Maybe he is in the same boat? I agree a counselor may help you see this for what it is. You have been checked for stds, and feel like you have betrayed him, I get that, but is telling him about something tht happened when you were not together with him going to reliece  your guilt or create another separation? Sometimes its best to leave dead dogs lie so to speak and move on,.

[specialmom]

I totally agree.  Anxiety can wreak havoc on our life and recovery from a situation.  A good therapist would help so much and if you do indeed have clinical anxiety, it is important to seek treatment for it.  

Your regret to the matter means you have learned a very valuable lesson.  This is how we grow emotionally.  You WILL recover from this.  I know you feel guilty but you can work on this by being the best wife possible.  I said earliet to day that some of life's best lessons are taught to us through painful experiences.  So forgive yourself dear.  

I could tell you that you were on break from your husband and hence, were not technically cheating.  But you know this and your guild still consumes you.  But you married so young-------- but a girl really.  You learned that the person you chose when you were that young girl IS the one you want to be with.  So let yourself off the hook.  Maybe you needed that lesson in the grand scheme of things.  And maybe this whole experience will bring you closer together.

Please go see a therapist and they may refer you to a psychiatrist or send you back to your primary care physician for help with your anxiety.  I'd start working out if you do not now and increase what you are doing if you do work out.  It helps us in terms of mental health in many ways.  Volunteer some time somewhere in your area.  This has a healing quality to it.  
I wish you luck as you forgive yourself, move on and have a happy marriage.  

[lovemykids465]

What about talking to a therapist? It may help you deal with your anxiety.

[iris986]

If you were separated you were not messing around on him. It is given when two people separate that neither person has the right to tell the other what to do, including having sex with other partners, however it is your responsibility to protect yourself. You have been tested and all test are negative. I would not feel guilty for sleeping with other people when you were separated and just put is a past thing that happened and get on with your life. It is not your husbands place to know what happened unless you choose to tell him. Its no more than having previous boyfriends before marriage.