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Avatar universal

anyone?

OK I been seeing this guy for awhile now we live 40 miles apart I see him in weekends but he don't see me even when I ask he has got upset a few times saying he wanted to break up but we still together because I couldn't seem to let go and he told me reason why he threaten to break up because he was upset at the time and wasn't happy and told me if he really didn't want to be with me he wouldn't have me here still I'm confused really we talk about moving in together one minute he does and the next he don't am I wasting my time with him?  Plus I told him I bought him a gift but than told him not sure if I want to give it to him because of how he been lately and he got mad saying I was lying that I don't have a gift that he hasn't saw it or a pic of it and tried breaking up over it saying if he don't get it than it means I don't really have a gift n that I was lying and that were through and now he says gift or not he will always love me but yet he constantly asks or talks about it us this healthy
15 Responses
Avatar universal
This isn't going to work and you should probably let this one go.  Every time you state something he doubts you, every time you question something he is doing or not doing he wants to break up.  Sounds like he doesn't want to be in this relationship or he is very confused about staying in this relationship.  Either way, it spells problems for you IF you stay in this.  

Walk and find someone who isn't iffy and is into you because this guy is wasting your time.
Avatar universal
Thank you, ya he also told me that we move in together depends on if  I give him the gift
Avatar universal
Did he really say that?  Oh, hon.......get rid of him.  He sounds young, immature and not too bright.  He is playing games.

Keep the gift and give it to someone who deserves it or keep it for yourself.

Do not waste one more second on this loser.
Avatar universal
Misscutie,

After reading your other posts it seems you are choosing guys who aren't the best for you and you really need to sort out why before pursuing any more relationships.  

All the best.

1415482 tn?1459702714
Sorry hun but this guy clearly has been sending signals that he no longer wants to be with you. He has been doing so for awhile and it was evident from the first few lines of your post that it is you who's holding on. A guy who wants to keep you and loves you would not threaten "breaking up" at the drop of a hat....it makes no sense. When someone wants you around, they try to make it work for as long as they can.

The gift thing just sounded so silly and immature. You have nothing to prove to him. His "anger" is just a ploy to be done with the relationship. Do not wasted anymore time with him. Time wasted can never be regained. I tell my friends all the time -- there are too many people in the world for us to waste time on just one. It shouldn't be that difficult.

I really hope you find the strength and courage to let go. I know how difficult it is when our feelings become wrapped up and tied up in another human being. It is better to stand up for yourself and hurt now because all you are going to do is hurt a whole lot worse later.

Peace and Love,
Anna
Avatar universal
Thank you both I do have a hard time letting go its an attachment issue I guess and I don't know how if I do I just be calling and begging days later
134578 tn?1614729226
All you are in love with is your fantasies.  Not him.  He is not who you would like him to be, he is who he is.   (And that is a foolish kid who acts like he's about 15 -- immature and dopey.)  You can't wish him into being someone else.  

Take some time off from boyfriends, work on other activities that ease your anxieties (like, volunteer for something where you see people a lot worse off than you) and get a better base for yourself.  Once you are more grounded, you probably won't attract useless, manipulative and childish guys.
Avatar universal
Thank you all for the responses
Avatar universal
I am getting fed up its been months now and recently he had played a voicemail from his ex  her complaining that he didn't help her so obviously their still talking n no kids together
1 Comments
Played a voicemail from his ex?  This is getting more and more crazy.  

I know you stated you had problems letting go, but you need to find it in yourself to do so.  He isn't going to suffer because you are hanging on.........you are.
Avatar universal
Yes your right I did fall in love with him but not who I thought he was just hard to drop him like that quick
Avatar universal
Hon, you really need to figure out why it is difficult for you to drop such a dreadful person.   I am not sure if this is stemming from your childhood or your upbringing.  It's as if you don't think you deserve better and/or that you deserve this as punishment.  

Do you work or go to school?  Friends?  You need to focus on people and things that are going to benefit you.

Have you ever considered therapy for yourself?  I think that would be helpful.
Avatar universal
I own my own business no friends literally and my upbringing was abuse fighting no love mom was always in bed asleep
3060903 tn?1398565123
Thank you for opening up here and telling us this last comment. My heart goes out to you. I'm really sorry to hear that your mother was not well when raising you. You were raised in what you may have heard called, a co- dependent household.

This is the definition of co-dependence.

Codependency. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Jump to: navigation, search. Codependent relationships are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.

I, too, was raised in this type of household. Both my folks, would be considered mental ill these days. There was all kinds of abuse going on, but the bottom line is they were plumb loco. lol. When we are raised co-dependently, we never learn to feel our own self worth, and we gravitate towards the same type of environment that we were raised in.

There was a "no talk" rule in my mothers house, after she left my dad. It was more important for her not to be accountable for her part in the madness, than it was important to help a kid out that was having a hard time getting over the chaos. My mom had four kids that were totally messed up, and yet she didn't have the decency to even apologize. I think that's all i would have needed to have found my own direction. It's very sad what parents can do to their children. It must have hurt you very much and you must have felt very alone and not able to rely upon the people in your  life. You've been replacing your inadequate mother with inadequate men.

You've mentioned that you are self employed. Do you enjoy your work immensely? Because, of course, ideally you want to be excited to go to  work (even it it's in the home) . Do you mind me asking what line of work you're in.? Oh yeah, and if you don't mind, how old are you?
Avatar universal
I am 32 i clean houses and growing up my dad worked a lot and I was bored and alone a lot and I got mad when my sister wouldn't play with me and jealous if my only best friend at school had other friends n there was no hugging I love yous nothing I am old school and enjoy my clients story's bout their love being married 50 plus years as we speak this day I could go over to my parents and talk my mom would turn up volume of TV ignore me my dad would ask what I'm doing wrong in my business and compare me to other business owners because its slow and reason why I'm not materialist is because of my up bringing mom would tell me to marry a rich man and that both parents say us kids are loved cuz they help out financially from time to time but money things don't matter its unconditional love I always beg guys I'm with I don't think its about being all alone I really do care I'm devoted give my all love hard and deep n fast and I been married twice but obviously they dont take real love seriously at least that's what I think I don't know I could be alone or have any other guy. But I want this one I have I met n fell for him I was looking for the long haul so I'm not sure how I mean how to let go if that needed be I would be sick from stress n anxiety that I'll shake from the inside think of him miss him constantly dream bout him than wake up having to force myself out if bed :(
3060903 tn?1398565123
Do you really enjoy cleaning houses?. You mentioned that it was"slow" so i'm wondering if it might not be a good time to think about going back to school, by taking out  a student loan and get yourself into a business that you would make a better salary , something more consistent and not physical labor. It would be a better place to meet friends or prospective dating material  that's for sure. (which is pretty important). Many people change careers, or rather choose to upgrade their skills so that they are able to rise and have more opportunities in life.

I think it would benefit you to talk to a therapist about how you relate to others. The fact that you are determined to make something of a relationship with a man, regardless of the facts that he is not interested. It is telling that you were jealous of your friends in school, having other friends. I think that you may need help having healthy relationships and choosing the right partner in your life.

Both of these things are more about you making changes, rather than trying to change someone else to suit you. You can change yourself, you can't change anyone else. Why not work on challenging yourself to make a better life and learn how to foster good relationships moving forward?
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