cheating?

[bman101x]

Why would doctor perform a pregnancy test on my wife if I had vasectomy  10 years ago? I'm obviously asking because I assume she cheated now.

[Paxiled]

Did you ask your wife or your doctor?

[bman101x]

I saw her medical bill in the mail. The appointment included a gonorrhea and chlamydia test as well. Wife only told me that day of the appointment that she went to the doctor for pain in her genital area. For me, it seems quite obvious that she cheated with an appointment like that, but I just to know if it was normal doctor protocol to do all those tests during an appointment for genital pain.

[auntiejessi]

Yes, it is often standard protocol. For all she knows, and the doctor knows, you may be cheating, and the doctor needs to rule everything out.

A pregnancy test is often standard, just as a rule out, and before they treat.

Have you considered just communicating with your wife? This seems like a harsh thing to jump to without just asking.

[bman101x]

I understand the gonorrhea and chlamydia test, as the doc could assume I am cheating, but a pregnancy test? Seems like she could waive off that test by just saying her husband is fixed. What is the point of the pregnancy test.
I'm possibly in the wrong forum, as this one seems to be more relationship focused, and my marriage has deep communication issues obviously that can not be solved on this board.

[auntiejessi]

I had a hysterectomy long ago. They still ask me over and over if I'm pregnant, could I be pregnant and am I sure? I've had doctors run pregnancy tests on me without me knowing (which annoys me and I refuse to pay for - a whole different story).

Doctors often treat women like they're stupid and they can't trust us to know our own histories. It's a real issue. You'd be surprised at how little autonomy we have over our bodies sometimes.

Also, as Annie mentioned below, vasectomies fail. A test is a cheap way of ruling out a whole set of problems quickly. Men have also been known to lie about vasectomies - I mean, the possibilities are endless here, the doctor has seen them all, and many are where she isn't cheating.

If this is the only reason you suspect cheating, it's not nearly enough to even be suspicious, much less prove. I can absolutely understand why, as a man, you don't understand what it's like for women at the doctor, and not being trusted to tell her own history.

I'm sorry your marriage is in such a bad state. Have you considered marriage counseling? It can really help.

[AnnieBrooke]

I'm also thinking, home pregnancy tests are widely available. Getting a pregnancy test at the doctor's office, when you might see the bill, is not the action of a woman who is hiding a secret.

[AnnieBrooke]

Pelvic or genital pain is a perfectly good reason for the doctor to order a pregnancy test. The test is cheap and simple, and rules out a whole diagnostic area in one fell swoop without the doctor having to rely on the patient's report of the situation. (Patients can be wrong, lying or mistaken. Tests give the simple facts. A pregnancy test coming up positive is the way some couples learn that the man's vasectomy is no longer 100%.)

If the doc ordered the usual gamut of tests for pelvic pain, it's also possible that he or she didn't bother to mention that a pregnancy test was on the list. (A friend went in for routine surgery. They came into pre-op and told her they were cancelling the surgery because she was pregnant. The surprise was made more complete by the fact that she hadn't even known they did a pregnancy test in the run-up to the surgery. Some things are just standard.)

I say all of this because you're wondering if there are legitimate reasons a doc would order a pregnancy test despite your vasectomy that don't suggest your wife is cheating, and there are plenty of good reasons. But you also sound like you have an intuitive sense that it's at least a possibility. If you and your wife have issues, ask how the doctor's visit went and if they ruled anything out,  and how she's feeling, and try to crack open the lines of communication a bit while leaving the suspicion on the back burner. I'm not saying you're wrong, but in your shoes I would be careful about leaping to conclusions.

Good luck to you both. I hope your problems become fewer and things look brighter for you soon.

[Paxiled]

I would add, doctors as mentioned above do what they do.  I'm an anxiety sufferer, and you pretty much have to tell your doctor that or your dentist.  But then they often attribute everything to anxiety, and anxiety sufferers aren't made immune by that to getting the same health problems everyone else gets.  It's not just being a woman that can get you ignored by your doc.  It can be your race.  It can be your ethnicity.  It can be that doctors are generally terrible at communicating so again, they just often do what they do, and the more they do the more money they make.  But on the other hand, you apparently are having some problems with your relationship, and alas, getting cheated on is pretty common.  The sad truth is, most people cheat at some point in a relationship.  There are two ways to find out:  notice when your partner slinks off to make a hidden phone call ( this happened to me once -- I showed up unexpectedly and the woman I thought I was in a monogamous relationship said she had to make a phone call first and went into the closet to do it -- subtle, right?) or some other dead giveaway, or just out and out ask her.  Peace.