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Avatar universal

crazy x-wife

I'm dating someone, and his x-wife is using their son in a emotional abusive manner to keep me away from him so we have to be a secret to save his little boy.How do we handle the situation since he and I would like to move forward? He and I have been seeing each other for 3 months with an amazing connection we are both 39 years old and ready to begin  a life together.
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Avatar universal
I am not trying to put blame on anyone but there is two sides to every story. Is your fiancee being truthful with you as well? Just asking.  Plus you should never have met the child without confirmation from both sides. I am talking about the mother. Did your boyfriend tell you he got the okay from her to allow you to meet him? That may be another reason (she might be upset).
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Avatar universal
The ex wife is verbally abusive. The boy was coming to his dad very nervous with swollen eyes.The little boy would leave his side and was very clingy, needing extra love. It was difficult for him to see his son this way.So he told the son not to worry he would not see me when I was around.
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Avatar universal
Ok, I was trying to keep it brief. My boy friend has been divorced for 3 years. He divorced her because she had an affair and she wanted to be with the man she was having an affair with. I know his ex-wife we went to high school together but we were never involved then or as married couples. Didn't even know them as a couple when they were married. He sought me out and invited me out.The son actually likes me I also have a son the same age they hit it off great. but because of the emotional strain she put on his son he, wanted to help his son, so yes we are a bit of a secret. I am not ever around when he has his son.My son is no longer allowed to play with him. Its seems a bit crazy, but we wanted to see how the relationship went. Its going well, however ex- wife may be more to handle. He has gone to a lawyer to try and get custody.
Helpful - 0
145992 tn?1341345074
I agree above, you are being too vague here.  Is she using the child to manipulate the situation?  Where, she doesn't let her ex-husband see the child if you are around?  He can go to court if she is doing this.  Unless you are a harm to the child there is no grounds for the ex-wife to stop her ex from having you around.  Now if he's going along with this for some other reason then that's the real issue.  You need to be more specific here to get a better response.
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568659 tn?1256139982
I am going to try and explain the way I interpreted this. I am assuming the ex wife found out about your  two from their son telling her, right? Is she now using the son as a way to get her negative feeling across to you and your bf? Is she telling their son not to like you?I have seen this happen in broken families and it is very hard for the parents to be mature and not bring the kids into it even though that is in the best interest of the child.
I guess I am wondering how long ago they split, she could still be emotionally attached and it may be hard for her to hear about you from her son. I understand that but it doesn't make it OK, she needs to understand they are no longer married and that he is going to move on with his life.
Please don't be offended by this but I am curious if you and this man recently started dating or if you were dating before the divorce was final. I ask this because it really does make a difference in why the ex would be so upset
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189069 tn?1323402138
What kind of abusive manner is the ex wife using?  Is she always abusive with her child? There are ways for him to try to get custody if she is abusive.  Maybe you can all sit down and talk and be firm with her, explaining that the relationship with her ex husband is over and he's moving on. She needs to understand that he was going to be with someone else one day and now that he's with you, you have to have a relationship with their son as well, if it's serious.  Did they divorce a long time ago? If it's recent and feelings are still involved, that would be why she's having a hard time coping.  Either way, he needs to speak with her and be firm. Good luck.
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
It's hard to understand what you are saying.   Specifically,  why do you have to keep your relationship a secret to "save his little boy"?   Does your lover's wife know you exist?  Are you sure she does?
Helpful - 0
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