Avatar universal

help please

im 21 I've been married for 4 yrs. now. I've had lots of relationship problems,but who hasn't. just recently though my husband has been yelling at me a lot. i told him to stop but he says he doesn't yell. if he admits he was yelling its because i made him yell at me or he's just so tired.. but he does it all the time now. i don't want to keep telling him to stop. I'm just so tired of this but i love him.then we go to the store an he's looking at women if i confront him though he starts yelling at me saying i always think he's looking at girl. he makes it so obvious though i don't know what to do.
4 Responses
Avatar universal
How old is your husband?

What is going on when he starts to yell?  What are you doing or what is he doing?  Is there a certain situation that is causing him to behave in this manner?  Be more specific.

Looking at other women?  Well, I would say married men look at other women occasionally.  Now, if he is staring or trying to get numbers then that's something different.  
3149845 tn?1506627771
Hi, yelling is a communication problem and can be habitual unless you figure out why or what makes him yell and change the way you are interacting with him. Remember there are 2 people in any relationship and sometimes we think there only one.
Key points to communication are:
1. Listening
2. Show support
3. Empathy and understanding.

In many ways we create the other persons attitudes and they create ours. As far as him looking at other girls, most men do this and is harmless. Instead of getting mad and confronting him  at the time just tell him not to do that in front of you as is disrespectful and leave it at that,

Avatar universal
I don't think that yelling is a 'communication problem'.  Rather I think (often) it's a form of 'control' as in - if I yell She will back off and not say any more!!  Yelling often ='s control.

Everyone is SO quick to say "Men will 'look' and 'looking is harmless/normal".  I agree, Men look - and Women do too.  BUT a loving Man will be discreet when 'looking' - as Women are.  Women 'notice' good looking Men too - BUT normally We don't make Our looking OBVIOUS to our Partner - who most likely would feel insecure if We made it obvious that We are 'looking' (leering) at Hot Men!!  You did state that "He makes it so "obvious", so that is what I address here - Your description "obvious"
It's my belief that a loving Husband would be discreet about 'looking' - most ESPECIALLY if His Wife were present.  My opinion is fueled by His yelling at You for Your objection.  I think a sincere Husband would reassure You rather than yell at You.

just saying........
3060903 tn?1398565123
You married very young, and that might be why your husband is looking at other women, in that maybe he has only dated you and is wondering about other females. I think that's why many wait not until they're in their mid 20's or so, until they've sown their oats, so to speak before they do marry.

You've also said that you've had many problems, but choose to speak only of the yelling. I agree with TtinkK on this one. Most sincerely caring men would not make it obvious that they are looking at other females, in fact, they would not do so while in the company of their wives, but yours is making this obvious. and then yells, instead of having empathy and understanding as Life brought up. Both parties do need to listen, show support and have empathy and understanding. And the only way that this may happen for you is to take your relationship difficulties to a professional therapist. I would, if i wanted to try and salvage the marriage before it was just too late.

In a healthy relationship, even if women were out there naked front and center  the woman would not be jealous because they had enough faith in their relationship to know that they had nothing to worry about. It sounds like you think that you do have something to worry about, and i'm wondering if the "problems" that you spoke of would shed more light on that. Thank you for sharing your story, i hope that we can somehow help you here. Please keep talking about this, and not bury it where no light can be shed upon it.

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