how do I get my feonse to be more ok with anal sex?

[777chevy777]

Iv bin with my women for over a year and have a serious anal fettish that she doesnt fully satisfy. In the beginning of our relationship she would give it to me sometimes twice in a week but she would allways be extremely drunk. Now that we have grown up a lot and want to settle down and have kids we dont party like we used to so if I get anal shes sober and it hurts a lot and I usually need to bribe her into giving it to me.i know I can just bribe her every time and get it but I have a problem with that cauae she was a stripper for a little under a year and would give oral for money or expensive gifts so to me wen I bribe her thats what I think of and it ruins it TN for me. I want her to be submissive a Am d acceptable of it. I brought a vibrator into the mix to try and help and she just wants it for her alone time now lol. I'm a sex addict with h an anal fettish and need help with this desperately.  ny suggestions on my situation I appreciate.  

[AnnieBrooke]

OK, so you are saying you love her very much.  How much?  You identify yourself as an anal-sex fetishist, and she has a history of anal rape.  This is pretty much the picture of two people who won't have a successful long-term relationship (let alone create a good, solid family setting into which to bring kids) unless
-  you try to stop being an anal-sex fetishist and
-  she do some work with a therapist to try to bring closure on her victimization.  

If you won't try to change, don't try to change her.  You don't have the right.  No matter how many flaws you can point to in her, it sounds like she was mostly a victim.  She needs sympathy and assistance and protection, not sexual pressure from you who should be her main support in life.

[specialmom]

I don't think you are sexually compatible.  If you are highly interested in anal sex and are with a partner that doesn't enjoy it (which many women don't, and that is okay)---  you need to be with a woman that also likes it.  This isn't your girl.  She shouldn't feel less than, pressured to do things she doesn't like, etc. to please you. Because that is not sexual compatibility.  

You say you are an addict with a fetish.  do you see a therapist for this?  I would consider doing this.  They might help you sort through next steps.  but I don't think enticing her to like it more to fulfil your addiction/fetish is the answer here.  good luck

[777chevy777]

She is weird cause there are time she wants to hvae it without me bringing it up at all. She is also bi polar. and no therapist.  No time for one

[777chevy777]

I know were not sexualy compadable but she trys so hard for me in other areas that were not besides from this one

[AnnieBrooke]

I'd say she used to be basically used for men's gratification (when she was a stripper) and now, if she is not into this sexual activity and you are pressuring her for it and even bribing her for it, she is being used again.  Perhaps that is the nature of her disinterest.  You sound like the anal sex and the domination and all, is more important to you than her autonomy.  Perhaps she is beginning to feel like you are degrading her.

If this is a very important aspect of sex to you that you feel you can't live without, you might seriously consider moving on to find someone who wishes to be in such a relationship.  When two people in a couple basically disagree on something one person feels is very important and the other doesn't not want, it sometimes can't be solved.  

Certainly you should not be planning to have kids unless it is resolved, and you sound very, very far apart.

[777chevy777]

Iv never bribed her for it just know that I can but not how I want it..and the bribing is her idea. Very small bribes never money. She has no drivers license so dont let her drive a lot if ever and shell say let me drive here amd u can have butthole b4 we leev ..  I love ths gi it l very much. And do want kids and marriage with her.. I did also leeve out that he was raped by her dad when she was 14 she is now 23 me 31. Amd raped analy not vaginally. I know it plays a roll in it. Want to talk about a uncomfortable situation,  beginning of relationship was having sex and said for her to call me daddy :( thats how I found out.