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Avatar universal

how to get boyfriend to test for stds...AGAIN?!

Hello ladies!! U guys gave me awesome advice on my last post so I have another question and need advice. The question is sort of related to the last post, but I talked to my boyfriend about everything and how I felt and I asked him to get tested again for stds.he said he felt it was silly and its gonna be the same exact results and he doesn't get y I'm putting him through this. I want to trust and believe him, but I need peace of mind and I want him to go again. he said he wasn't doing it, but he called me a few hours later and said he would go again. Now my questions 1) do u think he was hesitant at first bc he thinks he has something or just frustrated w me? 2) what r other ways I can get him to go? I feel crazy cus he just went in May and everything was negative, but we had unprotected sex and I started having issues w my body. I just want to make sure everything is fine w him.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
It is not technically a sexually transmitted disease however it is transmitted sexually at times.  In some cases when a woman has BV her partner will also need to be treated.  
Helpful - 0
955456 tn?1316227179
BV is NOT an STD..... EVER....  virgins get these run of the mill infections!!  
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145992 tn?1341345074
I think you're going to have this issue with whatever relationship you enter in because it's not their issue, it's yours.  Hopefully you can get the help you need so you don't have to lose a good guy over it.  I would research BV more to get an understanding of it.
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Avatar universal
No I have told u all everything. He has done everything in his power to please me. He got tested when I asked him to. He has pretty much done everything! Not once did I ever think he cheated until the BV and weird issues w my tonsils started. Before all of this we always used condoms and no issues, but as soon as we don't use condoms tons of issues! Even though I saw his test results as negative I still accused him of being w other women and causing my health  problems. That's the only reason and "proof" I have of him possibly cheating.
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145992 tn?1341345074
Is there more that you aren't telling us?  Because it seems like if you don't trust him, it has to be for whatever reasons besides this issue with BV.
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Avatar universal
Well, I most def don't have a history of "sabtoging relationships" all of this didn't start until dating him. Never had these issues ever! I don't know maybe these r signs that we don't need to be together! Our relationship is pretty good except when it comes to this issue! I'm trying hard to believe and trust him, but its make me even more stressed. I will just keep working w my therapist in the mean time.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree.  Refraining from sex is not wise.  I think you need to read up on BV and understand that monogamous relationships will have cases of BV developing in a woman.  I think education is your best way of handling this.  I think these things going on with your body would be just as likely to have occurred if you were single and had sex with no one.  I honestly do.  I have a sore throat today . . . I'm not thinking my husband has cheated on me.  And BV is very hard to eradicate and may take some time and persistence.  I think -------- to be honest--------- you need to let this go or you WILL ruin your relationship with your boyfriend.  Abstaining from sex will compound the situation.  I wonder if you have a history of sabotaging relationships.  See your counselor again.  While alleviating anxiety is important . . . I think you must receive coping skills rather than avoidance.  good luck
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145992 tn?1341345074
I'm not sure if refraining from sex altogether will make things better in your relationship.  Intimacy is quite important and I'm sure your boyfriend will agree.  I would just go back to protected sex until you can get a handle on your anxiety better.  Many women suffer from BV so it's not something that is comparable to Herpes or HIV.  Perhaps your anxiety caused some bit of hypochondria and made you think more was going on in your body than what really was.  The mind is a very powerful thing.
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Avatar universal
You all have made good points and I appreciate them all! I guess I just. want an explanation for everything that was going on w my body after we had unprotected sex. I know its VERY clear that I can't handle unprotected sex cus it drives my anxiety high! So I pretty much plan to refrain from sex until I can get my mind right! I'm trying to move on from all of this cus this is on the verge of runining my relationship! Thanks ladies for the advice!!
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, I think you've received some really good advice here and I agree with it.  I think this is damaging to your relationship as you've really not given any reason to suspect infidelity.  

How are things going with your therapist regarding your anxiety.  I want you to ask your therapist a question about obsessive compulsive disorder and how it could pertain to you.  I say that because obsessive thought is one manifestation.   So, talk this over.  I think that some worry is fine but obsessive thought to the point of interfering with every day life and damaging relationships is problematic and should be addressed.  

Your boyfriend did agree to testing (this time).  Take him at his word------ do the test.  But address this anxiety issue that seems to be pervasive.  good luck
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi jennyk, I really think you need to stop doing this to your boyfriend - as mami says - he will eventually get tired of this.

This is YOUR issue and irrational fear - so if you feel the need to repeatadly test then you can do that but to make your boyfriend do this - he will get really fed up.

In a new relationship - for you both to test once each is fine, even a good idea. The only other time you need to re-test IMO is if - one of you cheats, or  - one of you gets symptoms of a possible STD. Anything more is your anxiety.

What would be better than the bandaid approach of multiple tests is to address your anxiety around this issue with a proffessional, so you can have a happy, healthy relationship.

Also, when your boyfriend goes to re-test, the doctor will ask him what he thinks his risk is - when your bf explains why his testing the doctor will probably tell him that to re-test is not needed - and your boyfriend is going to feel silly and get resentful of you.

Good luck with this - try to relax and enjoy your relaitonship!!
Helpful - 0
145992 tn?1341345074
Again, BV isn't just sexually transmitted.  Even if it was he could've had it this entire time and not know since you never had unprotected sex.  I agree with imanaddict, he was hesitant because he's getting irritated with you.  It's not fair for him to have to be subjected to this based on your anxiety issues.  He eventually will wear thin of your constant accusations and two things can happen, he can end this relationship or do what you are accusing him of and then tell you that he did it because you always thought he was doing it, so might as well do it.  Not that it would be right but he seems really frustrated with you.  If you are so worried about your health, use condoms from now on.  
Helpful - 0
303824 tn?1294871401
I understand where you're coming from. I've had BV and have been married to my husband for 7 years and we are completely committed to each other. I also recently found out I have HPV and my husband never once accused me of cheating and vice versa. These things DO happen while being in a  monogamous relationship. I am living proof of it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yea, that's what I keep telling myself, but I have been tested twice this year...like I mentally cannot go back! I have only been sleeping w him. So, I feel like if he has something, praying he doesn't, that I would too! Maybe I'm making this into a huge issue when it really shouldn't be, but this is my health we r talking about! Thanx for the rational thoughts though.
Helpful - 0
303824 tn?1294871401
To answer your first question...I think he was hesitant because he's frustrated. He agreed to go so that answers your 2nd question of "What are other ways to get him to go." If he was hiding something, I don't think he would have agreed. Even though it was later on, he still agreed to go and I think that is a good sign.
Helpful - 0
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