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Mother/Son Relationship breakdown
My Gay Son has stopped all contact with me stating that our relationship was "too toxic" I have no idea why this has happened, I have always been a huge supporter of Gay rights and issues and have shown nothing but unconditional love and support for him. Our relationship changed when he married his Sweetheart five years ago. I am a widow and desperately want to understand why this has happened and pray that this situation can be reversed very soon.
Good advice Londres, to be honest I didn't think about that as an option. Just as long as there is someone that could help meditate the situation that would be great.
The OP stated he (her son) does contact her sister, so I think the sister should be the go-between and not the spouse unless the OP has a strong bond with the spouse which it sounds like she doesn't.
This is a mother who deserves contact with her son. I know my husband helps me see things from other points of views and I do the same for him. If I didn't keep him knowing that he needs his mom, then 3 yrs ago he would have stopped contact with her and held on to hurt and unforgiviness for a long time. I am not telling her to force herself on the spouse or be an interference of any type. I just believe that maybe if she can tell the spouse she misses her son and loves him and just wants contact with him...then the spouse could speak to the son.
Like I said my husband had a fall out with his mom and had stopped contact with her. But I knew it was hurting her, so I spoke to him and reminded him what she had done for him. I told him, that he needed to forgive her. You know now they are closer then ever, and he turns to her alot when going through hard times. There is nothing wrong with her just trying. But in the end it is her choice whether to call the spouse or not. I just pray The Lord reconnects this mother and son. God bless...
Like I said my husband had a fall out with his mom and had stopped contact with her. But I knew it was hurting her, so I spoke to him and reminded him what she had done for him. I told him, that he needed to forgive her. You know now they are closer then ever, and he turns to her alot when going through hard times. There is nothing wrong with her just trying. But in the end it is her choice whether to call the spouse or not. I just pray The Lord reconnects this mother and son. God bless...
Calling the spouse has risks. It is basically interference in someone else's marriage and either one or both may take it personally forever.
Thank you all for your comments, I guess the bottom line is to wait and hope all will be resolved, I have tried to make contact with my Son on several occasions but to no avail, he did tell my Sister that he does want a relationship with me but that was months ago, no contact has been made by him since.
Thank you, God is on my side so I have no worries that all will be well in God's time, however the human side of me is hurt.
In reading through more of this, I feel very much the same as when I first posted.
He's blaming you for his unhappiness. And who knows what's causing his unhappiness - it may be chemical. *shrugs in confusion*
The men who I know who have done this say "I never felt like I fit in". And then they lash out at their parents.
Karshemo, enjoy your other blessings and pray for your son's happiness, if you are the praying kind.
He's blaming you for his unhappiness. And who knows what's causing his unhappiness - it may be chemical. *shrugs in confusion*
The men who I know who have done this say "I never felt like I fit in". And then they lash out at their parents.
Karshemo, enjoy your other blessings and pray for your son's happiness, if you are the praying kind.
Hon, I stated "normally," not normal people. Normally meaning in general people don't just cut someone off without a reason and now you've stated the reason.
Sounds like there has been underlying issues for years and you would benefit from therapy. As far as this son..........maybe over time he will be able to reconnect with you and only time will tell. I think a professional counselor is in order here.
Sounds like there has been underlying issues for years and you would benefit from therapy. As far as this son..........maybe over time he will be able to reconnect with you and only time will tell. I think a professional counselor is in order here.
I am sorry you are going through this. I feel your pain. The past is probably what is causing all this. Still what was or wasn't done cant be changed, and the best you can do is seek his forgiveness for whatever wrongs he feels you did to him. Don't beat yourself up over anything though, stay strong. Your strength is what is going to help you through this. Plus it is a great thing to stay strong in your faith and in prayer. For you know you loved him as only a mother could and only want him truly happy.
You may want to give him some space but at the same time to resolve the issues you will have to find a way to communicate with him. If you were somewhat close to his sweetheart or spouse then try talking to them to get a better understanding of what is going on. If that is not a possible path and he won't talk to you, then write him. You said yourself he was a senistive child and more then likely he still has a good heart. So if you open up to him then maybe you both can begin to mend the pain and hurt that has caused your relationship to come to this.
Still please don't stop doing for you and being a strong woman. Children are allowed to make mistakes to and will have to face their choices head on. The relationship may never have been perfect but you never can gain the same love as a mothers love from anyone else. Therefore I trust that he will come to realize he does need you. Just never stop praying or lose faith in what you thought you had with your son. I will be praying for you too. And if I can give you anymore moral or support of any kind I will try. May god be with you and your family...
You may want to give him some space but at the same time to resolve the issues you will have to find a way to communicate with him. If you were somewhat close to his sweetheart or spouse then try talking to them to get a better understanding of what is going on. If that is not a possible path and he won't talk to you, then write him. You said yourself he was a senistive child and more then likely he still has a good heart. So if you open up to him then maybe you both can begin to mend the pain and hurt that has caused your relationship to come to this.
Still please don't stop doing for you and being a strong woman. Children are allowed to make mistakes to and will have to face their choices head on. The relationship may never have been perfect but you never can gain the same love as a mothers love from anyone else. Therefore I trust that he will come to realize he does need you. Just never stop praying or lose faith in what you thought you had with your son. I will be praying for you too. And if I can give you anymore moral or support of any kind I will try. May god be with you and your family...
COMMUNITY LEADER
You could send him things in the mail and write, no pressure to respond. Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you. ????
I have done that specialmom but as yet no response. We haven't spoken since January this year but I am ever hopeful that this will change.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes, we do. And generally, people get over our shortcomings that all parents have. Some hold onto them. He sounds like he is doing that now. I would tell him that this hurts you because you love him and you are always here for him if he ever wants to talk. That's about all you can do.
I'm sure this is really painful.
I'm sure this is really painful.
I do appreciate your comments Specialmom and yes, I feel he was let down my myself and my husband during his early school days, however, once the problem came to ahead and out in the open, it was dealt with but perhaps not completely to his perception or understanding at that time. I admit that my Son and I are very much alike and have clashed on occasions, unfortunately, I beat myself up for my shortcomings but then I guess, all Mum's do.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think that is a really odd response, who's normal. There are actually normal patterns of behavior and responses that people have. This doesn't mean that they aren't unique individuals but just being cut off from your son makes one wonder about a history of some types of issues between you and he or you and his partner. That's what the question is.
You seem to be indicating that he is cleaning house so to speak of his 'past' due to harm he suffered maybe not at your hands but in some way, he must view something you did as contributing or not being there to help him. Otherwise, you'd be his champion during those hard times.
This is not a condemnation of your parenting. We are all doing the best we can. But whether real to you or not, he has some perceived pain you've caused him. It is helpful if you can think of what that might be.
You seem to be indicating that he is cleaning house so to speak of his 'past' due to harm he suffered maybe not at your hands but in some way, he must view something you did as contributing or not being there to help him. Otherwise, you'd be his champion during those hard times.
This is not a condemnation of your parenting. We are all doing the best we can. But whether real to you or not, he has some perceived pain you've caused him. It is helpful if you can think of what that might be.
Bullied because he was a very sensitive child, No counselling as far as I am aware. Who is really normal? define normal?
Normally people just don't cut you off without something major happening. Perhaps it was one incident or a cumulation of incidents over the years.
Its possible that what he sees in your eyes is not the same as what he hears you speak.
Was he bullied because of his ethnic background or nationality?
I am assuming you all aren't from the US.
I am assuming you all aren't from the US.
I am familiar with Freud, but has he actually been assessed by a Psychologist or Psychiatrist? In other words, did you get him any counseling; did he receive any counseling?
Roots meaning his lineage - traumatic time, he was victimized by a Teacher and the blame syndrome can occur after a bad experience during childhood, according to Freud. He left home at 18 because he did not want to return to his country of birth after my Husband's death.
"His roots" meaning what? "Traumatic time?" I guess I am searching for more detailed information to better respond to your post.
You stated the relationship was ok until he married his partner, but now you say he is suffering from the "blame syndrome." If the latter is true then how could the relationship have been ok before this marriage? The relationship would of been not ideal for a while............since he left home at 18.
You stated the relationship was ok until he married his partner, but now you say he is suffering from the "blame syndrome." If the latter is true then how could the relationship have been ok before this marriage? The relationship would of been not ideal for a while............since he left home at 18.
As NG said, there is something odd here, I really don't have any idea where we went wrong. From a very early age, he tried to better himself to the point of being a snob, this is not bad thing I guess but I do feel he was embarrassed by his roots. I think he may be suffering from the blame syndrome as he did have a rather traumatic time in his early school life. He left the nest at 18 and never returned, he has always been determined to make a good life.
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