Aa
i cant stand him!help me
help me im at a serious crossroads im 32 weeks pregnant and really struggling with my relationship we have been together for 5 years but he is so selfish! i cant stand him at the moment. He is not supportive he does nothing to help me at all and im struggling i have talked to him time and time again but nothing gets through he plays poker constantly and its not like wehave a lot of money and i hate poker!!then a couple months ago i found out he had been watching porn and i mean not just a little and im not into that either he lied about it but i was all on the computer! The things is i feel like i have done so much for this man and i am amazing mum i work my *** off at home and he doesnt pull his share! I dont feel loved enough by him and i kick myself all the time i used to have amazing boyfriends that adored me but he doesnt he acts like he is free and single he can go off all the time do what he likes ! i would have never have stayed with him if it hadntbeen for my daughter and i thought he would change now i just look at him and think wow i could be with someone that really appreciates me!!! even though i have been pregnant i have been approached buy other men its not like the kids hold me back! what should i do!!! im so confused! do i actually love him or is it just because i feel like i need him to adore me? he came home from work yesterday i had the kids all day said hew as going to take a shower so im cooking dinner doesn offer to help doesnt even come askhow my day was when i walk up the stairs he is onpoker! to me thats a joke! please some one what should i do!?
Yah, don't need no counseling...
Like in all reality.. you just like him need to find some hobbies...
Like he plays poker what do you do?
If he works, then wants to shower after work... by all means it's his right to shower.
Now, being that i was a stay at home dad, once.... there really is no way to fight a person who makes the money..
Now, he is going to the gym instead of seeing lamb... well in his defense.. the gym smells better and is more fun than seeing lamb..
but im not gonna say he was right, but its his body, he likes to be in shape.....
Oh and just because you have kids doesn't mean he will change... nor will you change because you allowed yourself to have the kids with someone like him!
Like in all reality.. you just like him need to find some hobbies...
Like he plays poker what do you do?
If he works, then wants to shower after work... by all means it's his right to shower.
Now, being that i was a stay at home dad, once.... there really is no way to fight a person who makes the money..
Now, he is going to the gym instead of seeing lamb... well in his defense.. the gym smells better and is more fun than seeing lamb..
but im not gonna say he was right, but its his body, he likes to be in shape.....
Oh and just because you have kids doesn't mean he will change... nor will you change because you allowed yourself to have the kids with someone like him!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Dear, rather than dwelling on negative feelings torwards him, think of the positive. He was out working ALL day. That's good, right? He's supporting you financially and comes home after work to be with the family. Your thinking on this is flipped.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm a stay at home mom and have my moments of wanting to crown my husband! I find him selfish at times, rude and unavailable. Grrr. But for the most part, he is a good man trying to do the right thing by me and our children. Isn't your guy as well?
A therapist would tell YOU that when the working partner comes home from the job, they should have one half hour to decompress. We get tired, sick of things, ready to hit the fan when they come h ome and say "here . . . here are the kids----------- " and take a break ourself. But many working outside the home partners do much better with a warm hello and a few moments to themself to get it together before the "family" thing happens.
Working and supporting the family is a lot of pressure. I always try to remember that when it comes to my husband.
You've chosen to have two kids with him and be with him for the past 5 years. Too late to hate him. Time to focus on his positives so you can have a happy home.
I sound like I'm not sympathetic to you, but I really am. Breaking up your family and making him a bad guy will do you no good. You've not said anything that makes me think you should break up. goodluck
Now don't get me wrong, I'm a stay at home mom and have my moments of wanting to crown my husband! I find him selfish at times, rude and unavailable. Grrr. But for the most part, he is a good man trying to do the right thing by me and our children. Isn't your guy as well?
A therapist would tell YOU that when the working partner comes home from the job, they should have one half hour to decompress. We get tired, sick of things, ready to hit the fan when they come h ome and say "here . . . here are the kids----------- " and take a break ourself. But many working outside the home partners do much better with a warm hello and a few moments to themself to get it together before the "family" thing happens.
Working and supporting the family is a lot of pressure. I always try to remember that when it comes to my husband.
You've chosen to have two kids with him and be with him for the past 5 years. Too late to hate him. Time to focus on his positives so you can have a happy home.
I sound like I'm not sympathetic to you, but I really am. Breaking up your family and making him a bad guy will do you no good. You've not said anything that makes me think you should break up. goodluck
No Brittany, you cannot change him. Only he can change himself.
As for the lost battle, that will depend on if he recognizes he has a problem and is willing to take the steps necessary to make the changes. He is use to having his wants being given to him when he wants them from his youth up until now. That kind of spoiling instills selfishness in many people and many do not even realize that this is the wrong way to be to attain true happiness.
As for the lost battle, that will depend on if he recognizes he has a problem and is willing to take the steps necessary to make the changes. He is use to having his wants being given to him when he wants them from his youth up until now. That kind of spoiling instills selfishness in many people and many do not even realize that this is the wrong way to be to attain true happiness.
yeh i think we do need some sort of counselling but if i suggest that to him he would be like dont be so stupid! anyway im not saying he is an awful person he is a good dad but he is a very selfish man he does not work full time he works for himself as a gardner so comes and goes as he please! he is just very selfish for example today is easter sunday i suggest we go see the baby lambs or something like that he wanted to go to the gym this am and i did not want to spend a lovely day at his moms while he used the gym because of this he had a sulk on and i ended up going out on my owna nd he gothis way and went to his moms. He has been very spoiled as a person by his family and has never not got anything he wants when he wants it! and i know my hormones are not helping but even before the baby i was feeling the stress and as much as i love him im starting to really not care or like him. do people actually change? can i change him? or am i fighting a battle that is lost already
Addiction causes a lot of unhappiness and breakups. People with this problem are so involved in satisfying their own desires that they forget the ones they love.
He needs counseling and you both need marriage counseling.
He needs counseling and you both need marriage counseling.
I would say that your pregnancy hormones are probably contributing to the problem right now. LoL. I say that from experience-- I was sooo ready to leave my husband last time I was pregnant, with #4-- everything he did/didn't do drove me crazy!! Looking back, none of it was that big of a deal.
Still, I do agree that you guys have some issues you need to talk about. Preferably before the baby comes. I would try to engage him in a conversation about what you need/what he can do to help. i.e., "I'm having trouble keeping up with everything, what can you do to help?" Also, talk about who will do what with the baby, as far as getting up in the night, changing, bathing, etc, or he may just assume that you will do it all! I know my hubby did...although he was good about picking up other chores, like laundry and making dinner. Good luck!
Still, I do agree that you guys have some issues you need to talk about. Preferably before the baby comes. I would try to engage him in a conversation about what you need/what he can do to help. i.e., "I'm having trouble keeping up with everything, what can you do to help?" Also, talk about who will do what with the baby, as far as getting up in the night, changing, bathing, etc, or he may just assume that you will do it all! I know my hubby did...although he was good about picking up other chores, like laundry and making dinner. Good luck!
To every relationship there is another side.. what does he do? Does he work? I mean there has to be a reason he does this stuff...
Also, being that im in a 5 year relationship with one child and another coming soon... your pregnant.. and this is when you emotions run wild.. At this point in time, the slightest moment you feel something isn't right you will feel like hey.... thats wrong. To understand what he thinks do you two talk at all? I mean besides complaining about the guy you have to give alittle more details!
Also, being that im in a 5 year relationship with one child and another coming soon... your pregnant.. and this is when you emotions run wild.. At this point in time, the slightest moment you feel something isn't right you will feel like hey.... thats wrong. To understand what he thinks do you two talk at all? I mean besides complaining about the guy you have to give alittle more details!
He,s just not pulling his weight,simple as that.He has to start supporting you more and helping around the house.It,s just not go enough.This is a tough situation because you say you love him and ending the relationship might be heart breaking for you but he needs to realize how much you do for the family and start appreciating you more.Family is everything and he should understand that.I wish you all the best.
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