insecure

[maggie10767]

my son met a girl over the internet 8 months ago.  She spent the weekend with us.  This was about the 3rd time she stayed here rather than a hotel.  She took over the entire kitchen, washed new towels till 10 pm.(stating she had to wash out the fuzz coming off them).  I came out of my room to find her cooking up everything she wanted without any statement i.e. (should we all eat together or do you mine if I cook tonite, or I would like to cook tonite, do you mind?) Nothing.  The next morning all the dishes were in the sink, when I mentioned this she "explained dishes could be done the next morning".  I told her, since I am the first up I don't appreciate seeing all those dirty pot, pans, dishes first thing in the morning. My son in the meantime has said nothing.  Later they exclaimed they were going shopping. I said I would like to go.  They ditched me in the store.  She was in charge buying furniture and redoing my grandchildren's rooms.  I have been waiting and sticking by my son for 5 years trying to get those grandchildren back.  I wanted so to fix up there rooms.  I wanted to fix up our home...not according to her taste.  It seems once these girls get hold of the guys they seem to just take over.  I am angry with my son for not covering my back. He is so caught up on what he calls (cutting the cord). I'm living here out of necessity, not because I want to.  There were time, many times when he had to move in with me and door was always open.  I guess I thought it was too good to be true. Don't know how to handle this.  He already told me I was out of line. She thinks I'm crazy. and I'm busy restoring the disaster she made of the kitchen.  And now I have to look at the furniture she picked without even giving me the courtesy of asking me if I liked it.  Is this typical. Am I wrong.

[coryreply719]

Hi there. It's been a few days since you post. Can you give us an update?

[Londres70]

Is this living arrangement temporary?  

[RockRose]

I think you're wrong here,  maggie.

At first,  I was aghast at the absolute gall of this girlfriend coming into your home taking over your kitchen and decorating your home.  Good God.

But it's your son's home,  and this is his girlfriend who is there for a visit.  

I think the kitchen is hers,  and if he wants to enlist her help in house decorating,  that's her place.

I think you're in the wrong here for wanting the role of wife and mother of the children.  

It muddies the water somewhat that she is also not the wife and mother of the children.   But she's occupying that position,  however temporarily.

Do you see a time in the future where you will be on your own again?  That might be best,  and the sooner the better.

[Londres70]

I meant..........why are you insecure?  Are you afraid this new gf will take over the house permanently?

[Londres70]

Why are insecure?

[Londres70]

Well, hon...........are you living in his home?  Are you paying any household expenses?

If this isn't your home and you aren't contributing to the household expenses then you can't really tell someone what to do in their home.  Don't get me wrong, you can talk with your son or tell him your concerns, however, if this is his home he really has the last say about the decor, the decorations, who will be decorating, etc.

I would hope someone would NEVER put a gf over their own mother, however, it happens.  Sometimes parents have to remember their children are grown and have their own life to live and it isn't necessary to include "mother" in everything they do, e.g.  you getting ditched at the store especially if they didn't ask you to come.  Maybe you son thinks you are overly involved in his life and is trying to prove a point?  

Can the three of you sit down and agree on a household schedule, agree on who is to decorate what, etc.?

Have you talked to your son at all about this?  I wouldn't directly talk to the gf alone; it's best you all THREE discuss these things together.