Hi
I found out in 2020 October my wife was basically having an affair, although to this day she won’t label it as this. In the 10 years I have been with my partner met 2011 (married in 2018) still together today I had always thought we were a fortress, never in our relationship have I questioned her integrity, loyalty or trust. I just was not ever an issue. If she was out which from 2017 was more frequent due to working relationships and business development in the evenings in her career (construction industry) I would never ever question who with, how many, or have issue on some of the ridiculous times she would come home.. I find 5:30am to be crazy to come in maybe 10 times in 3 years. That’s just me and perhaps I’m wrong.
Around 2020 the beginning of the year, I noticed a trend in her going out.. she would always mention a guy called john Paul or Jessie, more often it was always john that she would say she’s meeting with. A message of who she was with would always go something like this (hi babe, just meeting John and other PM for drinks, love you) EXAMPLE (just meeting john, Jessie and others for drinks, rob late love you hope you go out and have a fun night)……… these seem harmless and cute I guess. So John and the other two names were basically the beard in this relationship. Infect john is best friends with a guy called Anthony, someone I also know, iv always thought he was sleazy arrogant and obnoxious, but accepted he was part of the work circle that occasionally impacted my wife’s life and work.
When I figured that Anthony’s name was never being mentioned, but she was always out with john, and this particular company her beards work for, it took me stupidly 3 years for my subconscious to say “hey you need to question this” and around the time alarm bells started ringing my wife came home at 5:30am on a midweek night, sexy black dress and apologetic etc, I was not happy with this and confronted is there someone else. NO she said and we maturely spoke about it the next day, and tbh I was embarrassed and ashamed id questioned it. A few months pass and a credit card statement arrives for her private credit card, it was left open and I happen to glance a payment to a posh hotel, which was the night she came home 5:30am. I should also mention I noticed what I thought were seamen stains all over the interior of the back of black dress. And around the shoulder on one side……… anyway I confronted her about the credit card. And she immediately said she had to take john to a hotel he was so drunk, I then mentioned Anthony name and said what about him, she was so surprised because never have I ever mention this guy before. So she said that she took him and john there and checked them in because so drunk…. This is so stupid right….. anyway me being diplomatic I had to take her word for it
6 months pass and again she comes back at 5 30am, this time I called maybe 20 times and every time I was call canceled after a few rings then claims had no battery and the phone died. She told me she was in a particular location still with 4 clients, but!!! When she canceled my call she accidently screen captured her phone the time I was calling at 5-30am. And the picture went to our laptop, I checked it and she was 5km away from the location she claimed to be at, the location I have investigated is Anthony’s residential area. I confronted this again and again, until finally she broke her story and said she was with 3 clients and Anthony in an office playing a game and drinking, and then she dropped him home at 5_30 am to his wife and kids.
So now I’m thinking and fully paranoid and have so much anger about Anthony and her, and it’s just been a cycle of nonstop questions and thinking about them.
One night my wife came home again super late, took dress of and I notice outrageous stains that look like seamen in the back of dress and all up the back and just outrageous. She denied anything.. she unlocked her phone with face so I snatched it and ran to the toilet.. I looked straight to what’s app, and immediately there is fresh messages with Anthony, so many kiss emoji’s, and I searched the hotel, to which she told Anthony the ******** story she told me and ask him to back her up on story. Also I saw a pic she sent him of her in lingerie taken in our bedroom. And finally they had been messaging for 3 years from what I could see, and lots of kissing on chat etc. etc., I had to be quick as wife kicking door down and got a knife also… I gave phone back after a minute white as a ghost..
We talked about it the next day, and she admitted that for 3 years she have been texting him, but claims never kissed him, never held hands never had sex never anything physical it’s just texting. She also admitted going to that hotel only with him but because he was drunk so she put him there.. I said he has a wife and kids and you’re taking him there and causing his wife distress.. obviously I just played along with this bs story…
There are other events that have happened and with him, I just don’t know what to do or how to react.
I’ve said I can forgive you if you were having sex, or we can split and be accepting of our loss. But I can’t except the lies. Betrayal, she’s made last 3 years seem like an illusion.. I want to believe her but my gut says she’s lying and perhaps still messaging or even seeing. She promised she’s ended what it was. And I’ve been contacting this Anthony so much that even he blocked me, he lol me when I confronted him first time and said it’s not his problem, and through all rage and testing he’s blocked me.
My thoughts at the moment are eventually find his wife contact and then confront him with 2 options, A) I give your wife all the content I have and times and days of what I thinks happened. B) you tell me the truth now and I’ll leave you alone.
I don’t know what to do..
And recently 2 nights ago. Another black dress and another load of white stains same places you’d expect, and told sat on a wall and must be dirt……