love and lost

[menrlovedeaf]

I married my wife 27 years ago. I found out 20 years ago that her adotive dad molested her from age 5 until 18. She has 2 failed marriages before me. She has had many medical problems, one a hystorectomy. Over the years, the relationship has gone downhill, each year us being farther apart. Sex changed forever after the surgery. She has been seeing mental health care for 20 years. She has PTSD, Stockholm, and at least 7 very real personalities. We has over the past 7 years that I am aware of changed drastically and up to this point she tells people things about me that should never be said, sex ended completely 10 years ago. She thinks it is ok to have male friends, invite them over while I work, says there is no sex. I believe she fell out of love completely with me at that time, for I am sure she fell in love with him. I ended that relationship for not just me but he was using her.She is very sick now in the hospital, 13 days now with her pancreas, and hasn't spoken to me since. She tells a friend she loves and misses me yet she won't call. I was forbidden to ever go to the hospital again based on a lie on something I never did. I have almost completely lost it now. She has no family anywhere, no incomes from disabilities since we met. I lost my job 3 1/2 years ago due to disabilities and well, we are broke and getting SS disability is near impossible no matter how disabled you are. What would someone that isn't so screwed up in the head now do? She will be coming home, yet we haven't spoken, yst she talks to anyone else. I think she is just hoping I will die and she can get the life insurance r something, then again, I'm not sure which personality is dominant now. Very very confused at this point. Any suggestions?


This discussion is related to My girlfriend was sexually abused by her Dad.

[kay2486]

you sound like you have tried, seek some concilling urself, this has been a long and difficult time to deal with, no one not even her can say what she really feels because she has a personality problem, she will be treated for that, it sounds like you've tried hard with her but she has had a bad life too and its not right to take it out on you, you've done nothing wrong but love her, im not suprised she has ptsd with what happened, its horrible to say but she is badly damaged isnt she? i hope she prosecuted that slimball for what he did

[teko]

You sound like you still love her. You sound very hurt and confused. SS disability is doable but you must keep at it. I think someone told me you will automatically be denied twice and usually the third time it goes thru. Not sure how true that is, but that is what I have heard... I think you have two options here based on how you feel. If you still love her, communication is key, whether she likes it or not. If this is not possible on your part, then you must distance yourself and break the ties that bind you together. First and foremost, you must understand that you did not create her situation as sad as it is. Secondly, you cannot fix her. You either take her the way she is and love her unconditionally or you get out of the situation and put it behind you. I know nothing is as cut and dry as this and all those emotions get in the way. But truly, it will be one way or the other in the end. I hope you work this out and things improve for you. For your sake I would try to round up a counselor, maybe as the above poster suggested thru the health department.

[AnnieBrooke]

I guess I'd take whatever steps are needed to be sure that if you do die, she won't inherit on the life insurance.  Any possibility of counseling help for you?  That's a big list to lay out, and a pro could help you talk it through.  There might be some low-cost or no-cost counseling available through the county's health department.