Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

lust or not

I sometimes ask my husbandif he is attracted to the many many single women that he gos to the houses to to do work for and he usually says no he is attracted to me and tonight I asked him if there all ugly and his response was no that there was one a few weeks ago that he found attractive.

To me that sounds like lust if he is finding someone attractive and telling me.  

It just seems so sad that I was hoping my husband was only looking at me and here he tells me he is looking at another female in a way that seems wrong.
9 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
It takes more than thinking someone is physically attractive to lust.  Fact of life is that there will always be someone prettier than we are.  Some of  the best marriages I have witnessed are less than beautiful women. It sounds like you think you cannot keep him? The #1 thing men think is unnattractive about even the prettiest females is jealousy and insecurity.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
If you keep asking he's going to start noticing them more.  Leave the man alone.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Finding someone attractive is not what I would consider lust.  My DH has always told me that I am the only woman he ever notices and looks at, and while I believe him... I can't say the same.  I notice other men.  Its not the noticing that is necessarily the problem, its where it goes from there.  Does he think about them in a sexual way and undress them in his mind?  Yup thats a problem and that is lust.  Make sense?  I wouldn't go so far as to say every man is the same and can't keep their eyes under guard, but it does sound like you are making what he said into more than it probably is.  
Helpful - 0
167 tn?1374173817
Don't ask questions you don't want truthful answers to. There are attractive women everywhere and I'm sure your husband, everyone's husband notices them. It doesn't mean he's going to go after them and he can still find you attractive and think of you as the only woman he loves. They are two different things.
Helpful - 0
145992 tn?1341345074
Just because he thinks she's attractive doesn't mean he is doing anything.  I think you are fearful of this and that's why you question him.  I used to wonder the same about my fiance and he would tell me yeah some are attractive and he would tell me some aren't attractive but you know what he cheated and used to tell me that he wouldn't.  So just because you asked the question doesn't mean his answer is the truth.  You have to just learn to trust him because there is no point in questioning him.  If he was lusting after someone or cheating he wouldn't tell you any ways.  
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
mommysgirl,  despite whatever he says to keep you behaving peacefully,  the truth is the world is full of beautiful women and he's looking at them and lusting for them.

Did you really think your husband thinks the world is full of ugly,  unappealing women except you?
Helpful - 0
637356 tn?1301924822
babypooh said it all.  They are married not blind. It is normal to find someone else attractive. You have to trust your man and know that he is only attracted to you in that way. Also that he won't ever cheat on you and that seems to be what you are worried about.  Plus when you accuse someone, and I know that you aren't but that is the next step, then they will eventually do it.  So please stop asking him those questions.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You set him up with that question and now you feel bad that he thinks another woman is attractive - well that is pretty sad on YOUR part.  We are all attractive in our own ways. . should we all wear bags over our heads when married, or taken men are around?  The world is filled with millions of people.  

By saying someone is "attactive" does NOT automatically mean that he is lusting over her.

It sounds like you are having anxieties about him, and his profession - why is that?

Helpful - 0
189069 tn?1323402138
Well, it sounds like you keep asking him about the women he works for and he was honest about it.  Unfortunately, we can't keep our men's eyes covered and they know when another woman is attractive. That doesn't mean he's attracted to HER. It would bother me too to know something like that, but that is why you shouldn't ask those questions. You only torture yourself.  He was just being honest with you. Married women also know when another man that is  not their husband is attractive, but that does not mean that we're attracted to them.  I would suggest to not ask your husband those questions. Don't torture yourself :)
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community

Top Relationships Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
3060903 tn?1398565123
Other
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.