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574170 tn?1277941303

me being bi

I dont undstand why if  a lady loves me and care for me that she can not exsept me being bi it has been 4 yrs since i been with a man
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574170 tn?1277941303
I am sorry that I had bring up this topic about me being bi I see that it has goot heated posting. But It seems like that some people have problems with gay lez or bi people I think that they are close mind and all but thanks for the ones that are not so close thought and what not.

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541150 tn?1306033843
I don't know Sam, as your experience has been different than mine. There are gays in my family, not bi, so for me to speak of bisexuals would be wrong since I know nothing about their lifestyle or way of thinking.

I do know, however, about gays. I have to say I grew up in a very peaceful environment, where all members got along and everything was very RIGHT; just the perfect atmosphere. Even so, some family members came out, and after constant visits to the Psychologist, we just decided that at least in our family, Homosexuality is a lifestyle we all need to accept; and “hear” me on this, parents in my family never expressed their heterosexuality without restraint, and still some of their offspring were extremely confused growing up because they knew they were gay deep down, still “mom says being with a woman is the right thing to do” What is right? Most importantly, what is Normal? It does create confusion, frustration, and sadness, even for a man/woman raised by heterosexual parents. See how things can’t be absolute? Homosexuality has been present in mankind since the Earth was created. In Greece, the majority of men were homosexuals, mating with a woman only to continue their bloodline. To them it was perfectly normal.

Going back to the confusion part, I have to say this, and I'm sorry if you disagree, it's just my experience, but children tend to get confused even after seeing heterosexual parents express their ways freely. I think it all lies on how parents communicate with their children. Good comm leads to better understanding of your current situation and surroundings, lack of comm leads to confusion in everyone. Children grasp concepts more rapidly than us adults, because when a child is born, the brain is like a sponge, catching everything to learn fast; it's survival isn't it? Research shows that the best time to learn is when you're young, young..meaning....still a child, very young. My point is, I've seen adolescents raised by gay parents with so much certainty of who they are and what they want, you'd be amazed. :)

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460185 tn?1326077772
If straight parents can "produce" a gay child why can't gay parents "produce" a straight child?

Personally, I don't think sexual preference is genetic.  I wrote a paper (yes, I'm a nerd) that contained a section about genetics and sexual preference.  As of the beginning of 2008, there was no causation between genetics and being gay or straight BUT somebody else might find literature that contradicts that.  Remember the XYY theory?  That the extra Y chromosome made males more aggressive - that theory was proven to be untrue.

I'll shut up with the nerdy talk and go and watch Al Bundy on TV.


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Avatar universal
I have read research which suggests that who grow up in abusive environments often adopt gay lifestyles as adults. I believe it is yet to be definitively proven which factors--abuse, environment, genes--contribute to homosexuality. I have not read in that area for a long time.
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Avatar universal
Again as previously stated my mother and sister are all bi and to be honest as a teenager I have to say somethings were at the very least "Confusing".

So I am not exactly speaking on this topic solely out of conjencture.  Heck if I didn't find men so d@mned homely I migh have even leaned that way. LOL

But I didn't though I can speak regarding couples and their children that I have seen and know.
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Avatar universal
Behaviorly the environment plays quite a bit of a part in it too.  Refer to previous posts regarding Male homosexuals. As males on the mean average "discover their sexuality" at a younger age.

However you might want to examine the research regarding children in which the adoptive gay parenents are living openly as a couple  engaging in the normal affectionate gestures that ANY healthy couple engages in and the facts are somewhat skewed as I have seen in pretty much all of the situations I've seen.

The facts are though that until recent court decisions a non-traditional couple was encouraged to expose their children as minimally as possible to their lifestyle if they wanted to retain custody.
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541150 tn?1306033843
There is no backing up the theory that if you are raised by gay parents you will be gay. Right hun? How about those kids raised by heterosexual parents who turn out to be gay? On the discovery health channel there are shows which capture this topic very frequently. Enterviews have been made, and those children raised by gay parents are both proud and heterosexual. I don't know if being gay is mental or related to genes. You cannot just say that children raised by gay parents will be gay. It's not realistic.

Peace...lol
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460185 tn?1326077772
All I can say is that we don't agree and that's not a problem.  There are a lot of things I want to say but will refrain.  Not insults either, just quotes from numerous studies but now is not the time.  I wouldn't mind some proof - references from texts, journals, etc. - to back up your argument.  If you want to do that, I'll do the same.  If not that's fine.



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Avatar universal
First of all let us establish a few things.  

THe point of whether someone is loving was not raised.

I do not disapprove of gay parents adopting or raising kids AFTER the age of five due to some very important processes.

Gay men make the very best shock troops the world has ever known for the last 3 thousand years or more.  This general has to do with some very deep natural instincts for personal survival or well being that have been atrophied.

I know several homosexual foster parents who took in very young kids (under five) who all of their kids turned out gay.  Well and good but not necessarily the best for a society long term wise.  

Ideally yes all parents are loving but all things being equal parents are first and foremost templates for their children.  I am sure their were loving Jim Jones cultists, branch davidians, nazis etc..  and were they better than child beating, rapists of course they were.  Were they the best role models my opinion is no they aren't.  Why?

They are not the patterns a stable society can be modeled on.  As natural abberrations they are a welcome part of society.  My niece is a third daughter to me and she knows that I don't care what the sex of her partner is. Ditto with my other relatives.  Heck whem my cousin came out of the closet he was shocked that I was the first one who accepted him.

However if you say you are bi, and you are marrying someone of the opposite sex you are essentially saying you will never be, or consider yourself 100% satisfied with your partner in bed and psychologists tell us that sex is a microcosm of the relationship.  Ergo the marriage will persistently have an added level of instability in a culture that only gives a marriage about a 30% chance.

There is a bit more to it than that but... You get the general idea.
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460185 tn?1326077772
I just re-read the last part of your post.  Personally, I would rather of parents - gay or straight - who acted in a loving way towards each other (and me) than straight (or gay) parents who fought all the time and were abusive to each other and their children.  Gay and lesbians can fight and be nasty too.  With respect to parenting, the most important things are loving, nurturing and caring for the child/children.  Sexual preferences IMHO take second place to parenting.


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460185 tn?1326077772
I am NOT comparing her to a racist.  I am saying that some of the arguments she uses about gays and lesbians are similar to those used by racists - add classists, agists, etc.  All the "isms" have a common denominator - I'm sure you can guess what that is  = )


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541150 tn?1306033843
I know of many children raised by gays since birth. Not one of them have said they would rather have a different life. I don't agree with those who think gays can't be good parents.  
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Avatar universal
I do not think you are talking to me, but human adult sexual development does not include sex with children, only with sex among adult humans.

I was talking against discrimination against homosexual adults, who are innocent of harm to others.

What happened to your son is so painfully tragic. Naturally, it colors your feelings about homosexuality, and naturally you are angry. You are not on a campaign to hurt homsexuals, you are grieveng a horrible, incredible loss.
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Avatar universal
Teko is probably one of the most thoughtful and caring people I have met on medhelp.  Honestly comparing her to a racist is unfair and quite honestly inaccurate as not liking someones behaviors is notthe sames as judging someones appearance.

If someone is gay fine.  BUt I do not feel bi-or gay people make the best parents or caregivers to children UNDER 5 years old if they are going to put their gender preferences on display.
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460185 tn?1326077772
What you say isn't offensive - you come across as close minded and unwilling to consider theories that differ with your own.  Your words about gays, lebians, bis, etc. are similar to those used by racists.  The details are different but the message is similar - anything "different" must be bad/evil.  AIDS is terrible; people with AIDS are not.

But then I'm scary and need therapy so what do I know?


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Avatar universal
teko-

im so sorry to hear about your son. its very clear that this topic does have a great deal of impact on you. it would be hard not to have an impact on you. im sure he was a very strong man and was great. and you teko are very strong as well!!!
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Avatar universal
I must say that I agree with some of what you say.....Some of it I find quite jaded.....
But as you said that is your view on the subjuect and that right is yours to have....

Having been sexually abused as a child I could not agree more with you on the subject of child sex....(Yes it does happen to males as well as females and women are the agressors)..........There is no place in society for this than there is for screen doors on submarines.....Animal sex is another aspect of sexuality I disagree with.....

My reasoning is these two areas do not offer reasonable consent from the non adult "partner"........ I always have and will feel, without normal consent  then the act is wrong.....

I think we tend to be more pasionate on the issues we are more familiar with especially when these areas have affected us from a personal point.... So again I agree  whole heartedly with you on these issues....

As for your son I am so sorry you went through what you did....I'm sure it was, and is so very painful.....
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Avatar universal
Theories of sexuality have less to do with nuts and bolts than they ever have. They have to do with adult development, and the fact that sexual preference does not make one right or wrong. The notion regarding adult development, which is a process and not a "state" and sexuality (derived from something called "queer theory, by the way, and it is not what you think, but it is derived from what you think) is that we know very little about sexuality, and it could be that heterosexual sex, homosexual sex, and bisexual lifestyles are all likely parts or facets of sexuality. However Western Culture has a way of polarizing everything, and making a dominant group "right" and a minority group "wrong." And it ain't necessarily so.

This theory made me shut my mouth regarding my doubts that homosexuality is not unhealthy. So did having one of my best friends decide she was gay (about 20 years ago; we are no longer in touch), and hearing my gay hairdresser's observations about dealing with his homsexuality in the face of a heterosexual-dominant society.

We know very little; much is to be discovered. Think of medicine. Doctors (we hope) treat on the basis of what is known, but what is known is very little.

I have to remind myself of this all the time. It sure chases depression away many times, and gets me out of the four walls. It is thrilling for me, to learn more about the world and about ourselves. And we can learn sometimes from very unlikely sources.

I know that I forget about this sometimes, and I think maybe most people do. We have so much to learn and that process can help us lead more peaceful lives. During very difficult circumstances, it is very difficult to be open minded; at least it has been scary to me during the last 18 months. I hope that all of us can have a break of some kind from trauma and pain, because I know that many of us on this forum have been through a lot lately.
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Avatar universal
My best friend is a gay man and I love him dearly.  We were friends before I knew he was gay and it wouldn't/didn't make a bit of difference.  If you read any of my comments, he is the one person to keep me alive during my illness.

I think putting a "Tag" on someone as one way or the other is useless.  God is the only person to pass judgement, and if we were qualified to decide if a person was bad or good based on their lifestyles - wouldn't we be some enlightened individuals....we're not.

No, I am not a lesbian and I can have a "gay" friend - OMG, does that mean I am a horrible person because I don't stone my bestfriend - NO, I don't judge him.  It's not my place.  - OH, and by the way, my oldest son thinks of my best friend of more of a father role to him than his own father.  If he had to call someone in time of need in that role - he would call my friend.  

Also, if someone "experiments with sexuality" especially in male roles, usually there is a reason, and it's easier to "hate" others than to deal with anger at our loved ones or ourselves, at times.

How about we let this hate fest stop.  



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Avatar universal
So you hate your son?  
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103391 tn?1221808547
Sorry to jump in, just wanted to say that I'm sorry to hear about your son Teko, what a dreadful thing for you to go through.

Thank God that it looks like you have a lovely big family, that is such a blessing.

Sara
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Avatar universal
Very good point.....I do agree with you....When I was a kid , kids did not know adults sexual prefrences.....How things change...
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Avatar universal
Apersons sexual choice is their own matter.  However more recently it is the family choice with kids that has been called into courts that perturbs me.  A child is after all the smallest distinguishable element of a society.
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Avatar universal


There may be a possibility that two men or two women are not "trying to accomplish  what it takes one man and one woman to do".... That could very well be one good point of the issue in sexuality choices.... One must remember they may be trying to accomplish what may not be achieved in any other relationship.....

Another thing to think about is we may be sombody elses freak of nature....

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