men and working women??

[raquelplus2]

So lately ive been fighting alot with my boyfriend over the issue of cleaning and cooking and being a housewife. I work full time plus mandatory overtime so im gone by 715am n home by 630 or later. My job is very stressfull mentally by the time i come home im exhausted and worn out. Granted he works full time too 9am to 5pm. Our comstant fighting is that i dont cook or clean and im not a good girlfriend because of it. I clean on the weekends n as for cooking ive nevrr cooked nor liked cooking this isnt a new thing. So yes he will cook sometimes n help clean. We have 3 kids 6 4 and 2 yrs old. Two are in school. I told him if he wants a house wife then he needs to get  bettr paying job so i can stay home and do all those things untill then iam not gonna be the man and women n work full time thn come home n clean heck no. Its not fair. What do you guys think???

[TTinKKerBBell]

I totally agree with RockRose about this.  Call me old-fashioned if You will but I FIRMLY believe
FIRST Comes Love
THEN Comes Marriage
THEN Comes Baby in a Baby Carriage

I fail to understand why People think Marriage is a bigger commitment than having Children

[RockRose]

raquel,  I don't see how you could be ready to make three children with a man,  and not yet be ready for marriage.

Marriage is the lesser commitment.  It's less hard to do,  and less important than the parent role.  If this man is not husband material,  he's CERTAINLY not daddy material.  I don't see taking on the much greater commitment of parenthood if you're not even able to take on the marriage commitment.

[brice1967]

I'm a guy... maybe my input won't be valued, but I'll throw it out there anyways.  Both my wife and I work. Each of us has 1 full time job and at least 1 part time job, plus we both have 40-50 mile commutes to work every day.  Our time at home doesn't equate to much. We have 2 teenage boys who are hell when it comes to doing chores, so basically it is the wife and I that get to split up the chores and get them done right.  (The kids help, but like teenage boys, they kind of go half strength when it comes to cleaning anything.)  

There are chores I don't mind doing, and it would be ridiculous to think that my wife is going to handle everything.  We both do chores differently.  She always has a "system" of doing things, and I have my own way... which often leads me off course, but nonetheless the chores do get done.

Bathrooms for some reason are mine.... I don't like cleaning the bathrooms, but I cannot stand dirty bathrooms.  So, I get them.  I often vacuum too because my kids are horrible at it.  The wife is good at cleaning the kitchen, the fridge, and we all do our laundry.  Dishes.... nobody in our house likes doing the dishes.  It's a struggle to find anyone to do them, so we kind of take turns.

I'd suggest like someone above said... get a pen and paper and write down all of the things that need to be done and assign one or the other adult to certain things.  Work on it together.....

[raquelplus2]

He wants to get married but i dnt want to. Im not ready for tht and def dnt want to be divorced. Plus we have alot of issues we need to work thru before anything.Also when we first started havin kids i workd part time n he had a better paying job. So i did more n he paid more. It worked out no issues. Granted he does do more thn i do around the house n taking care of the kids. Plus whn we first talkd bout all this yrs ago he agreed wt wat i wanted n seemed to be all for it but he says he jus wantd to make me happy so idk. Thanks for all the suggestions!!

[wyrpamatz]

I'm a housewife no kids yet and yes my husband works everyday out of town and when he is home which is on the weekends he still helps out not a lot but he does like help me cook make the bed help me clean and things like that.

[TTinKKerBBell]

RockRose poses an excellent question.

[RockRose]

Raquel,  this is probably offensive (maybe not,  maybe you'll like it).

If he wanted a traditional woman,  he should have MARRIED one.  

Is he kidding?  He wants a traditional wife,  and instead he chooses to have children with a long term live in  girlfriend who works longer hours at a job than he does,  and has three small children.

So let me ask YOU.  Why have you chosen a guy and made three kids with him when you have such completely different ideas of how your home life should go?

[TTinKKerBBell]

Absolutely, it's not fair!  If You were a stay-at-home Mom/HouseWife, I would agree with Him, but under the circumstances, He should be as invested in cooking and cleaning as You.
I ran a day-care during my 1st Marriage and (while He was the lousiest Husband in the Whole Wide World), He would come home every weeknight and He either bathed and readied Our 3 Children for bed while I cooked dinner OR He would cook dinner while I bathed the Children.  On weekends He would pitch in and help with laundry, changing beds, cleaning house, whatever, so that All of us could enjoy our Sunday with our Children as a Family.  I'm talking many years ago when this was somewhat unusual but He felt responsible to participate with Our Children and part of that was helping in keeping the household running smoothly.  I was grateful for His participation, of course!!  but it was the right thing for Him to do.  
You should participate with the cooking - surely there are simple recipes You could follow.  Or, if He is willing to cook, that could be His reponsibility while You use that time to perform other duties.  Whatever, I'm sure this could be worked out.
Good Luck

[specialmom]

Oh, and you know what is a lifesaver for working moms?  Crock pots.  Do you have one of those??  I have recipes if you need them!  Throw it in and you're done.

[Life360_Dave]

This is very common when 2 people work. Try assigning the cleaning tasks as to who does what. Cooking is another issue,  as most men dont know what to cook and also will eat anything. I bet you complain about his cooking which makes him wanting to cook more difficult. Tell him to google some simple recipies and to keep a good stock of cooking stuff to plan the week. I think part to his lack of wanting to help is that he is your boyfriend. If you were married it would make a more responsible relationship as would appear permanant instead of boyfriend girlfriend dating situations.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, I hear ya.  You are contributing financially and working outside the home long hours.  No, it is not fair simply because of your gender that when you ARE home that you are doing the lions share of the housework.  I would fully expect him to help equally with the housework and yes, help out with cooking.  You shouldn't have to slave over your weekends trying to play catch up alone either.  Really, I'd expect him to step up to the plate and be a team mate.  

But your problem is that he doesn't seem to feel like doing this.  I'd try again to lay it out for him.  Maybe call a boyfriend/girlfriend meeting of the minds and come with pen and paper and divide up household tasks.  Then he knows what he has to do for the home and daily life and you know what you have to do.  

I AM a stay at home mom and still refuse to be 100% responsible for all things cooking/home and kids.  My husband has his jobs.  I do the bulk of it because I am home and that is the deal but I also expect him to pitch in as well.  

so, sit down with him and see what you can work out but I think you are in the right to not feel like you have to everything.  good luck dear