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my ex is bipolar/anxiety i want her back need advice

hi everyone i first would like to say thanks for any advise that is given.

             so my ex and i just broke up about a week ago and this is not the first time that we broke up.  alot of what im gonna say is gonna sound crazy but i really love this woman.  so we have been dating for almost a year.  when we met she had been out of her last longterm relationship for about 3 months and they have a kid together.  the fisrt 7 months where really great no issues like most new relationships. i knew that she was medication for depression or bipolar not sure which.  her past relationship was really horrible he cheated on her almost every weekend and they broke up all the time.  at the 7 month mark she all sudden needed space and didnt know what she wanted.  during the next 3 weeks she had seen her ex and the kissed and she said that, that made her realize that it was me that she wanted. so we got back together and her ex wouldnt stay out of the picture and kept coming back and saying that he wished he would have done better and things like that.  then all this led to her eventually cheating on me one night with him after she left the bar.  she then came back again saying thats something that wouldnt have happened if she was sober and explained alot of things to me and again said that it made her realize how much she loved me.  for the first few weeks after she did everything right as far as letting me know she was sorry and wanted us to work, cut off her ex comunication unless it had to do with there kid, even talked to my parents and other family memebers saying she was sorry and she would not just show me but them how much she loved me and earn their trust back too. after the first few weeks she started to act weird again and we would start fighting over nothing. she cancelled plans on me two days in arow and then i asked for us to talk cause there is something going on and we need to figure it out cause i was feeling like i was just a convenience to her. she didnt want to talk and said i was trying to be controlling. all this led to us breaking up.  just before the recent fighting and during the whole relationship she would always tell me that she wanted to marry me and she couldnt be happier and i was the love of her life.  when things where good the where amazing, but when they got a little bad they got really bad. now she doesnt want to talk about us or anything. i love her alot and i really want her to come back. i just dont get how she can so willing to walk away if she really felt that way about me. i also would like to add that im not the type of person that is able to do the no contact thing and i was taught that in life if there is something you want then you have to try. i feel like the no contact is a game. we were like best friends and had an amazing relationship 90% of the time. i have noticed then we end up fighting a lot when she gets really stressed. i am at a lose as to what to do. she has made the comment that she wants to go back to the beginning and then when i would say i was ok with that she will still push me away and say its not good enough for you. idk all i can think about is how i miss her and just want to hug her.
3 Responses
3060903 tn?1398565123
I think your gf needs to talk to a therapist (not just do meds) to find our what and who she really wants and to fully support her condition..  You've said she is not coming back because you deserve more. Tell her the 'more: is her getting help with a therapist (talking about it )  and then you and her also taking to the therapist together about how to possibly move forward. WE have a responsibility to support our friends and family by insisting that they get help if they need it.

If she refused to take action, then you need to walk away, otherwise you will be drawn into a co dependent relationship and it will ruin your life and hers. She also needs someone that directs her (supports her) into getting the help she needs. Professional help at this point. Does she care enough to do that? Actions speak louder than words, in this case.

Please be good to yourself. so that you can still enjoy your life without her in the picture. No matter what, we cannot let anyone else take that light out of our lives. Blessings to you.

Always feel free to talk about how you feel. There is a journal section here at medhelp, that others can see or just you can see. Time will heal but it will take time. It sometimes helps to keep a journal. It helps to keep our feelings compartmentalized so we can go on and still enjoy our lives day to day.

I'm here if you need to talk privately, as we all are by using the private message on an individuals Profile Page. Also  If you do write a journal and leave it open for others to read, they can also comment and support you , as the days and months go on.

We're here for you. Although not everyone comments, or not immediately, there are many reading your story, that have experienced what you are .
yes she feels like she is not good enough and i have reassured and told and shown her that she is good enough and everything that i want. even now i have told her that i love her more than she knows and that i dont want to lose what we had. im just at lose as to what i should do or say or say anything at all. i know she may go back to her ex and he will just treat her like **** and cheat and just use her and she knows that too idk
3060903 tn?1398565123
i knew that she was medication for depression or bipolar not sure which

So, you need to know what condition your spouse to be is suffering from and take that very seriously. It's a condition that could ruin her life, like juvenile diabetes, or addiction.

People split up to cheat.
They use alcohol or drugs as an excuse to cheat.

Your girl has kissed an ex.
Lost her inhibitions to have sex with her ex.
Cheated again with her ex.

I'm not so sure if you are the decoy, or he is at this stage.

Your girl needs help. Help from you. You have to insist that she get's this straightened out.

If she was diabetic, and not stable, you would go with her to the hospital and sit down and talk to a doctor about the ways to keep her issues solved.

If you don't insist on medical intervention, or psychological intervention, i fear you are enabling this type of behavior in your relationships.

This is not good for you. You are a person that deserves to be respected and not hurt and cheated on, and left for dead, on a sexual whim.

You need to value yourself enough, be mentally healthy yourself enough, not to accept behavior from anybody that doesn't care to figure out how treat you as you deserve.

I think you should talk to a therapist and ask why you would sell your soul for a girl. Who is flawed.

You shouldn't be going down to that level. You should insist she comes up to your level.

But you have to know your level. in order to expect her to join you.

Have you suffered from having co dependence in relationships before?

Have you ever thought about that ?
I have had codependency issues in the past. With this particular relationship I was single for about a yr and I knew that she was bp/depressed and wanted to take this slow. Our pace and all talks about marriage where brought on by her. I even had made the commitment to my self that I would take things even slower. After she cheated and would go over her house or stay the night unless she asked. I was trying to give this an honest shot at trusting again. Her actions didn't line up up with her words. So when "I put my foot down" the relationship ended.  I guess in a way I answered your questions with this post. When she is who she says things were amazing. Thank you for your advice
Also I would like to add that I have suggested counseling and even offered to pay and it seemed to be a short conversation. In which she agreed that she needed help and then changed the subject
Avatar universal
What is the current situation now? Have you tried to contact her or tell her how you feel?  Would you be able to allow her to regain your trust and begin again?  I can see where she is coming from in this aspect.  Sometimes a person fails to see the real person they say they love at the relationship's start.  But going through experiences together, trials together, and sometimes the hurtful pain felt during conflict can make the one on the rocks reconsider the value of their partner and seek a new beginning where they really get to know them and love them, including flaws and all.  

The choice is up to you.  She may be waiting to hear from you with positive changes burgeoning in her life if you haven't already contacted her.  She may be able to give you the other 10 percent of an amazing relationship.
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