Fiancé drives me crazy, but I love her, what should I do?

[Mikeraj90]

I have been with my girlfriend over 10 years, about to get married in 6 months. I'm her first bf, we've been together since high school. Now she's a doctor, I dropped out of high school. I worked very hard from a young age and supported my family. I recently lost my job and live with my parents, my gf works in the US. Our relationship was great long distance for 4 years, but we fight all the time when we're together. Now she drives me crazy even over the phone. Always treating me like a kid about what I should be doing. I know she means well but I can't stand her always questioning me (what I did, if I applied to jobs, if I did wedding arrangements, etc). I feel like we're going to be miserable the rest of our lives. But I cant leave her because I love her and she loves me too. Also our families are involved in the wedding it's too late to back out. I don't know what to do, any advice would be appreciated. Sorry for the long post. I also want to add she's stressed with her job and we're both stressed with wedding arrangements, but I'm just depressed with life all together because of my financial situation and the relationship with her. I want to start a business and achieve something great but I feel like she doesn't believe in me, she tells me I should just get a job. Anything wrong with the wedding planning seems to be my fault because I have to handle things since she's in the US and busy working. Is it possible everything is my fault and I'm lazy like she thinks? Are we just not compatible with each other? I don't know what to do from here.

[Hana]

Hello Mikeraj90
I think you have the chance to love and be loved in return.
What you are experiencing is not easy, but her too
She is anxious about your future, your inaction, from his point of view: so be reassuring. Take concrete steps for your own life. As others advised you before, Take courses or made a concrete plan of your project.
She prefers that you find a job, insist on your project but make it concrete: for example, if in the space of a year it doesn’t work then you will take a job as she wants, but before do your best.
A wedding preparation period is stressful for any couple, while in your case it is easy understanding, she’s not involved in the preparations and it’s a source of anxiety.
But that doesn’t mean you should let her go: it takes a lot of effort on your part, but be calm, reassuring and positive, and if she exceeds the bounds made her noticed gently but firmly: she doesn’t wait you to tell her all the time yes, but she wants to be able to count on you.
God speed.

[Nighthawk61]

Are you expecting to wait to work until your wife set's you up in a company of your own? Have you thought about going back to school yourself, so that you can make your dream a reality? I think your fiance would respect that action on your part. You can't expect to go from 0 to 120 in six seconds. You have to plan for your success. My son is taking a construction engineering course, and then then.. because he wants to open his own company , he is planning to take an architectural component so he can also do the design work for construction jobs. It takes planning to be your own boss, but it well worth the effort.

[Londres70]

Ditto SM......well said.

The molding and motivation should come from within.  No woman should be pushing her agenda on you.  

Maybe she came into your life to show you what you don't want?  

Love her and love yourself enough to let this go.  Loving someone doesn't always mean it's best that you stay with that person.

[specialmom]

I think it is hard to maintain a relationship in which you feel like you'll never measure up.  It leads to a life time of bitterness in my observation.  I think I'd find a better match that makes you HAPPY and doesn't have 'molding' you and pushing you as part of her agenda.  We need to do that for ourselves to be fulfilled.  good luck

[Mikeraj90]

Thank you

[Mikeraj90]

Thank you, she is the best thing ever happened to me:)

[Mikeraj90]

Thank you

[Londres70]

This is so wrong in so many ways............fighting when together, living in different countries, unemployment on your behalf, she's telling you what you need to do, you live at home with mom and dad, she's stressed with her job, etc.  

Why are you two even planning a wedding with all this going on?

You two are at different places in life and you should call the wedding off and end this relationship.  

[Life360_Dave]

Hi also, my wife of 25 years treats me the same and 99% of the time she is right so i suspect its the same with you. Your easy going and laid back and she is a go getter and very organized. I think opposties attract and better to be pushed and prodded than to live a wasteful life. She only has good intentions and wants you to be a success also. I would stick with her as shes probably the best thing that has ever happened to you.
Ask yourself a question, would you rather be with a person who doesnot care and is lazy and it would be up to you to motivate? I think not!

[specialmom]

Hi there. Sorry to hear about your difficult time.  Well, if you've always fought when together and are only peaceful when you are away from one another . . .  might be a sign that this relationship is not meant to be.  If you'd lived closer together all along, it would probably have fizzled out completely by now.  So, go ahead and end this so you can get on with your life.  good luck