relationships

[pukahontas]

I've been having some issues with my husband's mother she always talking bad about people and I should've known I wasn't any different. I sented her a text telling her I heard about the things she said about me but no response since Sunday. My husband hasn't adressed it to her on how I feel, but I think he should do it without me asking him to, I don't know what to do.

[teko]

Unless your mil says something to you directly, I would ignore it. Its easier and less harmful than getting stoked and setting her straight or even her son setting her straight.

I would be more concerned about why someone would repeat gossip knowing it would hurt you? I dont think they have anymore character than the person who said the stuff. And its probably been overblown and distorted into something far more sinistar than the original comment.

Its not worth the drama. Let it go and if you mil responds, tell her who told you what and that it hurt. And you just want an explannation instead of listening to a third party. (Now that you texted her),Ya gotta say somethin!

[Kayannaboo]

You are going to have to be the one to address her and not via text, face to face. You are both grown and so this is the route to take, whether it is uncomfortable or not. Emails and text messages often sends a different signal than what is actually meant.

Understand that people like your mother in law who never has anything good to say about anyone, knows no partiality. She would do the same to anyone, its not for you to put her on your head. You may be courteous with her but it shouldn't be in depth sadly. Observation is in many cases the key to keeping out of danger, you understand that your mother in law has a "mean streak" so therefore, there are alot things you cannot share with her.

What I would do is, confront her about what you heard and then let it go. It makes no sense to hold onto it as she may never change. I wouldn't keep malice with her, I would still be nice to her but of course there would have to be limitations. Don't expect your husband to just jump and say something, remember she's still his mother. Be respectful to her still just keep her at bay.

Take care!

Anna~

[specialmom]

There are people that say things about others and to them it is just 'chit chat'.  This is the way your mother in law is.  She probably has many redeaming qualities as well.  Don't start a big blow up and family rift over it.  She may or may not have said bad things, but it very well could have just been chit chat.   No, not really cool.  But not worth making a huge fight over.  Tell her that you don't really care, but hope that she says anything really serious to your face so you can know if you are doing something wrong.  That will make her feel kind of bad.  

Okay, try not to let this ruin the relationship unless it keeps escalating and she is saying really awful things.  Then you can address it more seriously with the main goal being a peaceful existence together in the family.  good luck

[RockRose]

Yep,  puka.  If you hear someone gossiping all the time,  you know for sure when you're out of the room,  they're bad mouthing you too.  People who always speak kindly about other people - do that to you,  too.  How people behave with other people is how they'll behave with you too.  At least in your MIL's case,  you know it isn't personal.

[Londres70]

Exactly what issues are you having with your mother-in-law?  

I wouldn't put too much stock into "He said she said" situations that come circling back to you.  If your mother-in-law didn't directly say these things to you I am not sure you should put your husband in the middle of this.  If she had DIRECTLY said these things to you, then I could see where your husband should get involved, however, that is NOT the case here.  You can't be for CERTAIN she said these things about you.  If she did, she probably did this to get you all upset and dramatic and I would recommend not giving her the pleasure by not responding to her.  

Plus, sounds like these people who are telling you that she said "this and that" about you sound like people who love drama and causing problems. They might even be telling your mother-in-law things you said about her. They should just simply stay out of the situation between you and your mother-in-law as their gossip is making the situation worse.  Once again, don't give them the pleasure and don't respond to them.  Just cut them off when they start up with this gossip.  

Your husband shouldn't be dragged into THIS particular situation.  Let it go.  

Who cares what she says anyways?   You know the truth about yourself or your life.  Your husband can't control what she says or how she acts, HOWEVER, you all (you and hubby) have control over how you all react to her.  

[HamedKhatiz]

Good morning or evening or day or night or afternoon and whassup. Firstly, I love you name.

Secondly, my name is Hamed Khatiz and I am a sixteen year old student, writer, drummer, adviser and many more from Sydney.

OK, so you have issues with your mother in law (as most people do) and those issues are not... you cannot live with them, they are serious issues and back-talking is a pretty serious thing.

Your husband knows about what has happened and knows how you feel and has not taken any action. But you wrote one line which set a little lightbulb off in my head:

"I think he should do it without me asking him to."

ASK him to talk to his mother. I know he knows you're angry but he has not been told to take action! It's like the two elements of criminal law, Actus Reus and Mens Rea.

Talking about emotions and addressing how you feel about a situation is very different to taking action and this is true on your husband's behalf.

He knows you are angry, he knows how you feel but he doesn't know you want him to talk to his mother or whatever. I told off my friend on Friday, she was asking about a traumatic and personal issue.

I know she may have been offended by that but I still have no plans to apologise.

So bottom line, you let him know how you feel and now you have to ask him to talk to her about how you feel.

P.S. I don't know if text is a god method of addressing an issue, it's easy to get out of, easy to create misunderstandings and misinterpretations and a 31 year old's mother in law is probably not going to be so tech savvy LOL.

Sorry if I pointed out the obvious in this response.

Good luck, Khatiz.