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327385 tn?1378360731

should i stay or go

im so stressed out over my marriage .. i havent been happy for about 4 years . i have talked to my husband about the way i feel and the problems i feel we need to fix. he promises he will do everything to make it work and he does for 3 days if im lucky.. he just puts the effert in till he thinks were ok and same old man again. im not happy and dont think i love him anymore.. i have told him this and if we cant make it work i wanted a divorce.. am i asking to much to go out to a movie and a date night ? we sit in front of the tv and eat every time i ask to do something together.. we have sex maybe once every 3 months. i dont have any say over our house or anything over our kids . there is no romance in our realtionship at all. i get a kiss when he goes to bed and i feel more like a babysitter / maid oh without pay..he allways has to be his way. i have gotten to the point i cant stand him touching me .. if i talk to him about this its just a change for a couple days and same old s**t ..i have kids and need more ..help me is me ?
3 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there and welcome.  I'm sorry you are having a hard time in your marriage.  I do find it encouraging that he makes some changes for you even if temporary.  That is good because you know there are a lot of men who won't even acknowledge that they aren't perfect!  He acknowledges it and even if temporary, will try to please you.  

I had a rough patch with my husband.  I got myself worked up into a state that I just felt . . .  hard for me to even say. . .  so I'll just say negative about him at all times.  I was almost dwelling on it I think.  I did some soul searching and decided that I can't really change him.  I can change me.  Then I thought about what is good about him.  I thought about what life must feel like to him.  What he'd been through, what he goes through, etc.  I don't know if it was divine intervention or what but I started treating him a bit differently when I thought about things from HIS perspective.  And when I treated him differently, he treated me differently.  We came right out of the rough patch.  And as a much stronger couple!  (just sharing my own experience).  

Anyway, that was my long way of saying . . .   we have to think of our own role in our relationship issues.  You want sex.  Do you instigate it?  You want to go out on a date.  Do you make a plan and tell him that on Friday, you have a sitter coming because you have a date planned?  

As he seems to WANT to please you, have you two considered counseling?  It 'could' really help you two get more on the same page and perhaps a third party can help make his temporary changes more permanent.  

Now the issue of having no say over house and kids.  What do you mean by that?  He decorates and you can't help pick the color?  He tells you his expectation of the house without your input?  What if you give input?  And how do you have no say over your kids?  Just wondering what you mean by that.

At the end of the day, if the marriage doesn't work out, life will go on for you all.   But it feels better when you get to that point after trying ever other option in my opinion.   No one has to live a miserable life with someone but once we have kids with our partner, I think it is best to try our hardest to repair things.  If you can, fantastic.  If not, you know you tried.  

Anyway, wishing you lots of luck and we are here to support you.  
Avatar universal
SM said it all.  Can't say it any better than she has.
3060903 tn?1398565123
ditto , do you care enough to seek marriage counseling?
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