Detailed history and anxiety

[H3lpmeplease]

Hello to anyone who reads this.
Sorry I’m advance is this is wordy I just have no where else to turn to. I have been in contact with sexual health clinics and GP but nothing gets rid of my anxiety.

My main question is IS MY WIFE SAFE!

with that in mind here is my detailed history.

. Married have been for 15 years.
. Fairly sure she is faithful
. However to my shame I am not.
. Exposures range over a 2-4 year period.
. All exposures with other men (4 in total and all oral sex)
. Most recent exposure oral sex with male was just over a year ago.
. Just after the most recent exposure (literally next day) I started with frequent urination. So panicked I go to doctor who do a dip test on my urine and it’s clear. But he gives me doxycycline anyway (FYI STI or sexual history was never mentioned)
. I take the meds for a few days and don’t get better so I start relying on Dr google! I realise now that frequent urination is a sign of STI and you can get them orally.
. Panicked I order an private STI test for Ghon, Chlym, Syph, HIV send these off and they are negative (this was after 5-6 days after me starting with meds)
. Skip forward to February my wife gets a cyst in her vagina I start to panic again and a few days after my urination comes back.
. Contact my GP who does another dip test and more in depth urinalysis again all clear (wife dosnt worry about her cyst and never gets care it pops on it’s self after a week with instant relief)
. Gp was not concerned around STI due to me able to show him my results
. Few days after I can’t shake the STI idea so I test again private and again this is negative.
. April time now I start getting a twitching feeling in my penis. Quite constant and noticeable, also some dribbling or struggling to void.
. Order another STI kit and test and again all negative.
. Two weeks after the twitching comes back for a few days followed by pain in the tip of my penis that I could also feel up and down the shaft occasional.
. I’m on holiday so can’t test but this spontaneous went after a week maybe two and I calmed down electing not to test after this.

That’s it since then I have been working on CBT and taking anxiety meds but can’t get the idea out of my head that I have some infection from one of my affairs.

I have recently contacted a sexual health clinic who was happy with my tests and says nothing further to be done but im not sure.

Me and my wife (while all this is going on) is trying for a baby and struggling to convince. Each time she comes on I go into panic mode. Thinking I have gave her something and just not caught it back yet! Or caught it after my last test.

It’s been 9 month since my last “symptom” and 10 months ish since my last test. I really don’t know where to turn.

I would hate to tell my wife everything that happened as I don’t want to lose her, but also she’s just stated a business working from home so it would ruin all that.

Can anyone give me some thoughts on risks, my symptoms, my wife’s symptoms and what to do.

[auntiejessi]

So a few things -

First, you don't get symptoms of an STD that fast (the next day). The absolute minimum is 2 days, usually a bit longer.

That you had symptoms the next day suggests either panic or dehydration, bladder irritation from alcohol/caffeine, etc. It was not from an STD.

Did you receive or give oral sex? You don't mention this, but if you only gave, you can't have a genital STD.

Cysts on the vagina are quite common, there are a few different kinds, and aren't related to STDs.

Perhaps the most telling - when you aren't focused on it, you don't have symptoms. You can go long periods without symptoms. If you had an STD, you would have constant symptoms - they don't come and go.

You've had several different tests, and they are all negative. You have to trust the science at some point. Guilt is making you think irrationally, and there is no evidence you have an STD.

You've been married for 15 years - I'm guessing you are in your mid-30s, at least, as is your wife. It taking time to conceive isn't unusual. Does her GYN know that she is trying to conceive? If she is 35, they may want to do some tests sooner than they might if she is younger.

Please try to let this go. It's not an STD - your tests confirm it.

[H3lpmeplease]

Thanks Jessi,

Exposures are oral both ways so it’s entirely possible that I have genital STI.

I also gave my wife oral after the events so entirely possible I gave her something from my mouth! I’m stupid I know.

I’m aware that my urination issues was not STD due to my test. I’m also happy my penile twitching was not an STD due to tests.

But can’t get this penile discomfort out of my head - if it’s not clear this was after my three tests.

Can I ask from your experience - if you humour me a second and let’s say that was a STI that I got off my wife after my tests. Would it be unusual for the symptoms to self clear in a week without treatment?

We are in our early 30s and have contacted GP about our conceiving. But in the UK under NHS care they don’t do any tests if you have already had a child. We have. So we are on our own. We have had blood tests and they are all normal.

[auntiejessi]

STD symptoms don't clear within a week on their own. That just doesn't happen.

Also, your wife wouldn't go this long and not have symptoms. Oral STDs often go without symptoms, but if you gave her oral and she got something, she would have symptoms by now - and not a cyst.

You aren't stupid. You have guilt and anxiety, and you made some choices you regret now. It happens. You need to find a way to move on from it and forgive yourself.

I'm sorry the NHS takes that stance. I hope you can find peace, and that there are no reasons you can't conceive.

Just be kind to yourself.