Help - STI transmission from incorrect condom use

[Jonjonjon12345]

So I’ve read with protected sex if the condom is used properly then it is considered safe sex from hiv and most sti’s but lately I’ve been seeing that, that is only the case if the condom is taken off whilst the penis is still erect. I had protected sex but when I was finished i rolled over and only once I had caught my breath and my erection was gone did I remove the condom.
Is this what most web site refer to as condom failure? Because it was not used properly it should be removed right after ejaculation. Is it if the condom is loose that fluid can then make there way bag into the condom ? Fluids like claymidia, gon , and hiv ?
How less effective is a condom is not removed right away after sex if everything else was safe or not safe now that I’ve read it needs to be removed immediately after. Is there anybody out there that can clear this up for me please and thanks

[auntiejessi]

Removing the condom when you are still erect is mostly to prevent semen from spilling into a vagina, to prevent pregnancy and infecting a female partner if you have any infections.

There would be little risk to you from fluids on the outside of the condom, as they would need to get inside your urethra, and that's unlikely.

You should make it a habit, though, to remove it while you're erect to prevent any accidents.

This has pretty good instructions - and not safe for work illustrations - https://www.cdc.gov/condomeffectiveness/external-condom-use.html

[Jonjonjon12345]

Oh I see thanks for taking the time to reply, so still did the right thing by using a condom and still considered “safer “ then not using one. I’m sorry to get graphic here but she was pretty wet so a lot of fluids on the outside and at one point I did roll on my side possibly allowing fluid to slide back into condom if there was a gap. We have spoken she said she is safe and clean gets tested regularly and I’m trying not to swamp an sti clinic that’s unders staffed already.
Do you recommend testing ?
And I understand the concept of skin to skin stds just confused why fluid differs when inserted or being outside . I thought as soon as fluid touches the tip it’s a for sure thing you need to be tested

[auntiejessi]

So the fluid has to get INTO the urethra, not just on the tip.

The fluid has chlamydia, gonorrhea, HIV, hep B, etc. That has to get into your urethra to infect you.

Even if there was a gap on the side of the condom, the fluids that were sliding would most likely have been mostly yours. Even if your partner gets really lubricated, it's not enough to be sliding around like that.

I don't think you need to be tested. If there is some reason this is making you really anxious - you went outside of a relationship or something - then testing is easy for peace of mind, but I don't think you need to because of risk.

[Jonjonjon12345]

Thanks very much and yes I do suffer from severe anxiety I do speak with somebody every two weeks now for the last two years and I’m on medication to help as well. Although I still over analyzing things and prevents me getting into relationships it sucks so bad this might be one of those things if I learn to deal with it could help me just to walk away . I called a clinic anyways and it felt really strange because she said so you had safe sex and now you asking about getting tested like I was crazy although the government website says get tested every time. But what you said makes sense.
Even if her fluid did get in the condom it would need to get inside my penis to make a real impact ! Thanks again so very much

[auntiejessi]

So the government websites - the CDC, Canada Health, UK's NHS, etc. - they are all going to be very conservative with their recommendations because they have to cover themselves. They have to assume the advice they give is to people who've had exposures to others with all the infections possible.

We know the differences between theoretical risks, real risks, low risks and high risks. Is it a real risk that you could be struck by lightning on the same day you are hit by a bus on the way home from buying the winning lottery ticket? Sure, that could happen. Will it ever? There is a really, really low risk for that. So not a zero chance, but close enough.

Of course, anxiety tells you, "Omg but it COULD, and YOU would be the one it would happen to. Look at those odds - it's like 0.0000010% - it could happen!" The same brain that tells you, "Dude, don't stand in a 10 hour line for a 0.0000010% chance to win $100" is the same brain that tells you 0.0000010% of a chance to get an STD is a real risk, right?

Testing is a simple way to handle the risks in a relationship. Before having sex with someone, just test. Offer to test with them. Tell them that you just want to start everything off right, and want to test together.

Maybe you aren't a casual sex person - that's okay, many of us aren't. It doesn't matter why - some people can't handle the risk that comes with it, some can't separate sex from emotion, some have religious or moral beliefs about it, some have other reasons - all are personal, and all are valid. Some do casual sex just fine - also personal and valid.

I'm happy to hear you are in therapy, and are treating your anxiety. I know it's not easy. And ignore what the clinic worker said - you aren't the first person with anxiety who wants to test, by far.

Try to relax this weekend and do something fun, but do it safely - mask, wear a condom, whatever it takes. :)

[Jonjonjon12345]

Your totally right ! And the mind is very powerful I’ve learnt that over the last two years! Still very greatful a stranger would take the time out of there day to reply to me !
I will try and forget this and move on I’ll put google away and see if that helps
Thank you stranger

[auntiejessi]

You're very welcome. :)