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Avatar universal

I’m and idiot, please help! (Although I don’t deserve it)

I’m going to own up right now - I’m a idiot. I have a beautiful family and a amazing wife. I have cheated on her a few times! And I’m deeply deeply upset about this. As I have got older and more mature I realise this was a mistake and I have to live with the sickness feeling this gives me every day. That’s my cross to bare.

My worry is risk to my wife - if I have to tell her I will because I absolutely do not want to hurt her. But if I can get away with not telling her and try and move on with no risk to my wife then I will. She don't deserve me but I want to make sure I’m the best boyfriend I can be.

Until recently I have never had a STI test. Recently I came to my senses and visited a clinic for tests. In Jan, feb and April (2021) I have had no contacts with anyone other than my wife since then. So stoped going I have been tested for Clam, Ghon and Syphillis and HIV on all occasions and always negative. I have had three tests as I was taking antibiotics at the time which may have caused failed negative so they booked me in for follow up. The nurse and doctor took a details history of my sexual encounters and told me I’m absolutely no risk to my wife and move on without fear.
My most recent encounters are June 2020, Nov 2020 and Jan 2021 (just before my first STI test) they was all receptive oral sex. I think I’m all clear from these but if anyone thinks otherwise please shout up.

Here is my questions.

My anxiety diminished and I have had a lovely Xmas with the family and now in 2022 I started thinking of all my other encounters 2 years prior to my tests I had another misstep and before that it was 8 years prior - these was all ORAL SEX only. The only person I have ever had vaginal sex with is my wife ever.

What’s the chances I got Chlym in the far past (2years+) gave it my wife as I was having sex with her regular. Cleared it myself once I finally came to senses and tested. While my wife still lives with it.

I ask because we are trying for a baby and it’s just not happening I feel like I’m to blame.

I understand Ghon would have been symptomatic in me or most likely.
HIV and Syph always positive on tests.
But I’m not sure about Clymidida I understand it’s rare from oral - and I think this is why I never tested before but rare is not never.


Do my three tests early 2021 rule out an active infection in my wide?

2 Responses
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Avatar universal
Hi there,

Firstly guilt does not equal risk so relax with that.

Your tests are conclusive.

Oral sex does not transfer HIV ever and some question how easy it is to pass on chlamydia. Oral sex transmission of STIs are not common and its even less common when it comes when you are the receiver of oral sex.

Say you did have something and your own antibiotics cleared it because you had no symptoms... 1) it would depend on what antibiotics you had and also 2) the chances of both of you not having symptoms is rare.

You have nothing to worry about in relations to STIs.
Helpful - 1
3 Comments
Thank you kind sir. My biggest worry is the older exposure 2+ year, Still oral so appreciate low risk. But what if I had clymidia gave it my
Wife - spontaneous clearance. Wife still has it - so when I tested I was clear and also immune to her/our strain of Clym so never re caught it. Is this a realistic possibility? Think you probably already answered it but need to here it again
Unfortunately you cannot get immune to Chlamydia! You can get the same strain again and again and again! Without any symptoms AND the passed time frame AND the negative test AND the generally low risk of oral my answer remains the same. I would not worry in the slightest. Not even 0.00001%
I agree entirely with these responses. Your guilt is eating at you, and it's preventing you from seeing the logic and science of it all.

If you need to, get counseling to deal with your guilt, but let the idea of STDs go. You've tested negative conclusively. It can be hard to conceive for lots of reasons, not just chlamydia.

If you're both under 35, it's perfectly normal for it to take up to a year. If you're older, it could take longer, but it's advised that you see your doctor if you don't get pregnant after 6 months if you are older.

Really, try to relax, and let this go. Everything SillyMistake told you is correct.
134578 tn?1693250592
Also, depending on where you are, doctors routinely test women for various things. Once I asked my doctor why she was testing me for HPV when my husband has been my only partner since we've been married (a long time). She said, "Because husbands cheat." She wasn't going to take my assurance that he wasn't cheating because too many wives naively feel this way and get caught out. I'm not saying that your wife might have been tested for chlamydia for no reason at all, but if she has had any exams related to trying to get pregnant, it's possible they ran a test for it.

That all said, if you never had chlamydia, this is a foolish worry. And the scenario in which you somehow had it but accidentally cured it by taking antibiotics seems pretty far fetched, because you need to take the right thing for the right problem. It sounds like you're acting on guilt and fumes. Try not to, you have a lot to offer.
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
"Guilt and fumes" - sounds about right.

Once you get to the fertility testing part, they will do STD testing as a routine. It's definitely possible it's been done before as part of a yearly exam, too.  
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