Gonnorrhea Dilema

[CerialProblems]

Hi! Several years ago, my mother took an STD test after having sex with my dad and he tested positive for Gonnorrhea. Before their marriage, he engaged with a lot of sex with another woman, but it ended quickly. My mother probably will never forgive my dad as she (logically so) has assumed he's has sex with another woman while married.
My mother and I have grilled my dad many times on the topic, and her behavior has lead him to a horrible state of deep chronic depression. He refutes ever having sex with another person and "almost wishes [he] could claim the guilt so all this anger would at least be justified and he can deserve it properly".

That said, here are my questions to the doctors(I would very much appreciate if you'd link scientific studies so I at least can show my parents the conclusions of my search):

1: Is it possible to get Gonnorrhea without sexual contact?
2. Is it possible that Gonnorrhea can remain dormant for years?
3. What is the likely hood of testing a false negative for Gonnorrhea?
4. Is it possible to get Gonnorrhea by touching another contaminated surface and then touching your genitals?
5. Can a man be a carrier for Gonnorrhea and test negative multiple times?
6. After Gonnorrhea has stopped infecting your system, can you still carry it?
7. Has this ever happened in another relationship?

Sorry for the long post! I know this sounds like my dad trying a lame cover up (trust me, I know how bad it sounds), but please at least tell me the logical, proven plausibility of this so I can put my mind at ease. I can't really fix their marriage (even with scientific proof in favor of my dad), but I simply wish to have a conclusion to this problem mentally.

[Dadz1990]

Hey,
First of all I don’t believe there is any doctors on this forum so the answers are not from doctors.

But I do have knowledge on sexual health so I hope I can help you and your family.

Firstly has your mum retested, there is a small possibility of a false positive test. It’s rare but happens. I’ll answer your questions to the best of my ability and add some general thoughts.

1: Is it possible to get Gonnorrhea without sexual contact?

No, it’s very much sexually transmitted.

2. Is it possible that Gonnorrhea can remain dormant for years?

Not “dormant” but two people can carry it without it showing symptoms for years.
Just out of interest as well Gon in men is more often than not symptomatic, at least 90% of the time so It would almost be unheard of for it to persist in a marriage for a long time. But it probably does happen.

3. What is the likely hood of testing a false negative for Gonnorrhea?

Modern tests for Gon are extremely accurate, depending on the type of test done swab or urine and if it’s done on man or woman the chance of false negative changes but overall the are all above 95% accurate.

4. Is it possible to get Gonnorrhea by touching another contaminated surface and then touching your genitals?

No

5. Can a man be a carrier for Gonnorrhea and test negative multiple times?

No, if you test negative then you are negative at that site. But you ask a great question. Most tests on men are done at the penis. However Gon can and will readily infect the mouth and anus. So what could have happened here is your Dad was infected at the mouth gave your mum oral sex and that’s how she became infected. It’s not a very common way to be infected as oral sex on a women is pretty safe but it stands to reason it happens.
That said oral gon (for all we know in studies) self clears in around 3 month. So it would be very unlikely your dad had this from his previous partners.


6. After Gonnorrhea has stopped infecting your system, can you still carry it?

Yes, (I think but I don’t get your questions) you can get gon symptoms that seem to self clear but you still carry it, but you would still test positive.

7. Has this ever happened in another relationship?

One person be positive and the other negative? Yes it has relatively common too here is how most cases happen.
- not every contact with infected person transmits best estimates is 20% of the time woman to male. In short the other person simply has been lucky and not caught it yet.
- one of the people are on antibiotics that also happen to clear the Gon infection.
- false negative in one of the partners.
- false positive in one of the partners.
- wrong test done at wrong sight of infection


Hope this helps. Please reach out if not.

[CerialProblems]

Thank you! I really do appreciate this since a lot of our culture doesn’t even broach the subject of STDs!

[auntiejessi]

One thing I'd stress is the chance of a false positive in your mom. Did she have symptoms?

You didn't ask, but the other thing I'd really stress is that this is between your mom and dad, and their marriage, and doesn't involve you. The fact that you and your mom have been grilling your dad for several years on this while he is in a state of depression is bewildering. Have they gone to marriage counseling? Spoken to a doctor about it?

What you must think of your dad, when he may not have actually cheated on your mom, is awful. Even if he did, it's not your business. How old are you?

I'm sorry for this situation. It's very sad. At some point, someone needs to let this go. It's been years.