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Sauna Skin to skin details.
Hello,
Hope this finds you all well,
I am 31(M) and gay, In the closet. I suffer from severe OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) since my teenage years. Any sexual thought, image or thinking about having sex or any type of sexual contact with another person or even just thinking about STDS and genital fluids and blood, or even exposing my skin to others (gym showers), exacerbates my OCD to a point were I can get to a really bad mental state. (Fear, anxiety). Hence I bearly had much sexual encounters in my life. The out come was never good.
I have suffered from this since my teenage years. I have been on medication and therapy since 2016. With a lot of help i am finally being able to think about moving on in life and sex or anything related to sex without suffering.
I will take a step now and visit a gay sauna (place where gay men meet). I will have a sexual encounter with people there. BUT, the only things that are planned to do taking my ocd into considerstion, and the things that my brain will allow me to do are as follows,
1) touch someone's genitals and explore them and then touch my own genitals also at the same time, using that Same hand I used to touch his. Also allow that person touch his gentials and touch mine at the same time using his same hand. (but NO genial to genital, it is genial to hand to genital)
2)Mutual masterbation, but please note that the genitals will NOT touch each other (very fearful for me), it will always be that, I will touch his genital, masterbate him, then touch my genitals and masterbate myself. (Genital hand genial contact). Also vice versa will happen, he will touch his genitals masterbate himself and then touch mine and masterbate me. So there might be fluids on hands then on genitals. This might happen in open air or inside a jacuzzi.
3) We will also take our clothes off, lay on top of each other. i will touch and kiss all his body and he will do the same to me. (Please note that NO mouth to mouth kissing, or mouth to genital kissing, also very scared).
It will only be kissing all body (legs, head, face hands etc...) and NO genitals, but for touching we will both touch each other including genitals. please note that there might also be an exchange of semen on the hands and body during the process, of touching and kissing body parts.
My main concern or worry or fear is contracting any std at all and mostly skin to skin Stds. (Hsv 1&2, hpv, siphilis). Am I at any risk at all for stds ? I don't want this act to cost me any mental distress, taking into consideration my past years. Reading your answers will help me mentally before and during and after the act.
I am very very sorry for all those detialed questions and descriptions , I just hope you understand my situation and that I worked hard to improve mentally. I thank you for all the time. and support, God bless.
Hope this finds you all well,
I am 31(M) and gay, In the closet. I suffer from severe OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) since my teenage years. Any sexual thought, image or thinking about having sex or any type of sexual contact with another person or even just thinking about STDS and genital fluids and blood, or even exposing my skin to others (gym showers), exacerbates my OCD to a point were I can get to a really bad mental state. (Fear, anxiety). Hence I bearly had much sexual encounters in my life. The out come was never good.
I have suffered from this since my teenage years. I have been on medication and therapy since 2016. With a lot of help i am finally being able to think about moving on in life and sex or anything related to sex without suffering.
I will take a step now and visit a gay sauna (place where gay men meet). I will have a sexual encounter with people there. BUT, the only things that are planned to do taking my ocd into considerstion, and the things that my brain will allow me to do are as follows,
1) touch someone's genitals and explore them and then touch my own genitals also at the same time, using that Same hand I used to touch his. Also allow that person touch his gentials and touch mine at the same time using his same hand. (but NO genial to genital, it is genial to hand to genital)
2)Mutual masterbation, but please note that the genitals will NOT touch each other (very fearful for me), it will always be that, I will touch his genital, masterbate him, then touch my genitals and masterbate myself. (Genital hand genial contact). Also vice versa will happen, he will touch his genitals masterbate himself and then touch mine and masterbate me. So there might be fluids on hands then on genitals. This might happen in open air or inside a jacuzzi.
3) We will also take our clothes off, lay on top of each other. i will touch and kiss all his body and he will do the same to me. (Please note that NO mouth to mouth kissing, or mouth to genital kissing, also very scared).
It will only be kissing all body (legs, head, face hands etc...) and NO genitals, but for touching we will both touch each other including genitals. please note that there might also be an exchange of semen on the hands and body during the process, of touching and kissing body parts.
My main concern or worry or fear is contracting any std at all and mostly skin to skin Stds. (Hsv 1&2, hpv, siphilis). Am I at any risk at all for stds ? I don't want this act to cost me any mental distress, taking into consideration my past years. Reading your answers will help me mentally before and during and after the act.
I am very very sorry for all those detialed questions and descriptions , I just hope you understand my situation and that I worked hard to improve mentally. I thank you for all the time. and support, God bless.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Knowing your history, I have to wonder why you don't just start out with one man, at your home, where you are comfortable in the surroundings, and you can talk about testing ahead of time, etc., etc. If your home isn't an option, maybe their home would be.
You've had issues with saunas stressing you out in the past, even when there was no risk.
There is no risk to anything in your plan. So long as your mouth and your genitals/anus don't come into contact with anyone else's mouth or genitals/anus, you'll be fine.
I'm happy to hear you've been getting therapy and getting better. :)
You've had issues with saunas stressing you out in the past, even when there was no risk.
There is no risk to anything in your plan. So long as your mouth and your genitals/anus don't come into contact with anyone else's mouth or genitals/anus, you'll be fine.
I'm happy to hear you've been getting therapy and getting better. :)
12 Comments
Thank you very much for your help.
Being in the sauna and having people around puts me at ease much more than being with someone alone, this is the reason I go there.
1) can you please just tell me why when touching someone's herpes blisters or (hpv or syphilis), then touching myself the virus does not transmit to our fingers and then to us ?
2) Or when putting my chest against someone's else chest, the oral herpes do not transmit from his mouth to my skin (shoulder or where ever his mouth touches) ?
3) Does your answer also apply to people that are asymptomatic ? I read somewhere that people with no symptoms can also transmit the virus ?
4)Finally as I have said before I have some eczema patches, that tend to bleed sometimes and worry me, if the small bleeding eczema patches get in touch or contact with the herpes blister or hpv wart or syphilis, does it not transmit through the eczema ?
5)I will have the sexual contact inside a jacuzzi so basically in water does that change anything ?
I absolutely will not ask anymore questions, I can't and do not want to feed any of those obsessive thoughts more. I will take your answer this thread and always read it when in need.
Again, thanks a lot for your ongoing help, you have no idea how much you help me . ♡
Being in the sauna and having people around puts me at ease much more than being with someone alone, this is the reason I go there.
1) can you please just tell me why when touching someone's herpes blisters or (hpv or syphilis), then touching myself the virus does not transmit to our fingers and then to us ?
2) Or when putting my chest against someone's else chest, the oral herpes do not transmit from his mouth to my skin (shoulder or where ever his mouth touches) ?
3) Does your answer also apply to people that are asymptomatic ? I read somewhere that people with no symptoms can also transmit the virus ?
4)Finally as I have said before I have some eczema patches, that tend to bleed sometimes and worry me, if the small bleeding eczema patches get in touch or contact with the herpes blister or hpv wart or syphilis, does it not transmit through the eczema ?
5)I will have the sexual contact inside a jacuzzi so basically in water does that change anything ?
I absolutely will not ask anymore questions, I can't and do not want to feed any of those obsessive thoughts more. I will take your answer this thread and always read it when in need.
Again, thanks a lot for your ongoing help, you have no idea how much you help me . ♡
If the sauna and other people helps you, then do what works for you. :)
1) can you please just tell me why when touching someone's herpes blisters or (hpv or syphilis), then touching myself the virus does not transmit to our fingers and then to us ?
First, don't touch someone else's herpes blisters, or STD symptoms. If someone has actual STD symptoms, like a herpes outbreak, they shouldn't be having any kind of sex that day.
If someone has an STD without symptoms, it just doesn't transmit by touch. I'll include some links at the bottom that explain why.
2) Or when putting my chest against someone's else chest, the oral herpes do not transmit from his mouth to my skin (shoulder or where ever his mouth touches) ?
The skin on your chest, shoulder, back, etc., is too thick for the virus to penetrate. The virus only penetrates mucus membranes.
3) Does your answer also apply to people that are asymptomatic ? I read somewhere that people with no symptoms can also transmit the virus ?
Yes, people with no symptoms can transmit things. My answer applies. If there was a risk, I'd have told you.
4)Finally as I have said before I have some eczema patches, that tend to bleed sometimes and worry me, if the small bleeding eczema patches get in touch or contact with the herpes blister or hpv wart or syphilis, does it not transmit through the eczema ?
You shouldn't come into contact with a herpes blister, a wart, or syphilis. Where is your eczema? If it is on your hands, and it is active and/or bleeding, then don't do this without gloves or somehow covering those areas.
If you see someone with a sore, blister, wart, discharge, etc., decline to be with that person. That's reasonable and fair, and that person shouldn't be in the saunas or having any kind of sexual activity.
5)I will have the sexual contact inside a jacuzzi so basically in water does that change anything ?
No, that won't affect anything.
Here are some posts from our experts (when we had them) that may help about hands/mutual masturbations -
https://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/Nervous-about-mutual-masturbation/show/2183476
https://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/Mutual-Masturbation-STD/show/1968429
https://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/mutual-masturbation-sti/show/1858544
https://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/Understanding-the-risks-of-mutual-fingering/show/1516796
https://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV---Prevention/Vaginal-fluid-on-hand-touched-inside-of-condom-and-head-of-penis/show/1119533 - read this thread thoroughly. There is an excellent explanation about why certain activities are not risks, and why others are.
1) can you please just tell me why when touching someone's herpes blisters or (hpv or syphilis), then touching myself the virus does not transmit to our fingers and then to us ?
First, don't touch someone else's herpes blisters, or STD symptoms. If someone has actual STD symptoms, like a herpes outbreak, they shouldn't be having any kind of sex that day.
If someone has an STD without symptoms, it just doesn't transmit by touch. I'll include some links at the bottom that explain why.
2) Or when putting my chest against someone's else chest, the oral herpes do not transmit from his mouth to my skin (shoulder or where ever his mouth touches) ?
The skin on your chest, shoulder, back, etc., is too thick for the virus to penetrate. The virus only penetrates mucus membranes.
3) Does your answer also apply to people that are asymptomatic ? I read somewhere that people with no symptoms can also transmit the virus ?
Yes, people with no symptoms can transmit things. My answer applies. If there was a risk, I'd have told you.
4)Finally as I have said before I have some eczema patches, that tend to bleed sometimes and worry me, if the small bleeding eczema patches get in touch or contact with the herpes blister or hpv wart or syphilis, does it not transmit through the eczema ?
You shouldn't come into contact with a herpes blister, a wart, or syphilis. Where is your eczema? If it is on your hands, and it is active and/or bleeding, then don't do this without gloves or somehow covering those areas.
If you see someone with a sore, blister, wart, discharge, etc., decline to be with that person. That's reasonable and fair, and that person shouldn't be in the saunas or having any kind of sexual activity.
5)I will have the sexual contact inside a jacuzzi so basically in water does that change anything ?
No, that won't affect anything.
Here are some posts from our experts (when we had them) that may help about hands/mutual masturbations -
https://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/Nervous-about-mutual-masturbation/show/2183476
https://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/Mutual-Masturbation-STD/show/1968429
https://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/mutual-masturbation-sti/show/1858544
https://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/Understanding-the-risks-of-mutual-fingering/show/1516796
https://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV---Prevention/Vaginal-fluid-on-hand-touched-inside-of-condom-and-head-of-penis/show/1119533 - read this thread thoroughly. There is an excellent explanation about why certain activities are not risks, and why others are.
You say here not to touch an outbreak, implying it’d be a bad idea and a risk to transmit, but I’ve seen you say on other questions that touching or rubbing an infected person and then giving a handjob to someone afterwards is not a risk..can you explain or elaborate?
Tfen, this isn't your question, but briefly, handjobs will not transmit anything.
My answer here is different for a few reasons. Mav221 has severe OCD, and has worked very hard to work through it. If he gets in a hot tub with another person, or other people, and one of them has an active outbreak, if he slips, or they slip, and that outbreak touches them, especially on his genitals, that will be a lot for him to take.
Also, touching an outbreak - or rubbing it - is like touching or rubbing any other kind of wound. I've never said it was okay to give a handjob to someone with an active outbreak. It can introduce bacteria into the open sore, cause friction that can make the outbreak worse, and can be painful for the person who has it. It has nothing to do with transmission.
Touching or rubbing or giving a handjob to someone without active symptoms is fine. Someone who has active symptoms shouldn't be sexually active. Even if you plan for nothing to happen that could transmit, anything can happen. The heat of the moment, slips, someone taking advantage, etc. - things go wrong all the time.
If you need further clarification, tfen, please ask your own question.
My answer here is different for a few reasons. Mav221 has severe OCD, and has worked very hard to work through it. If he gets in a hot tub with another person, or other people, and one of them has an active outbreak, if he slips, or they slip, and that outbreak touches them, especially on his genitals, that will be a lot for him to take.
Also, touching an outbreak - or rubbing it - is like touching or rubbing any other kind of wound. I've never said it was okay to give a handjob to someone with an active outbreak. It can introduce bacteria into the open sore, cause friction that can make the outbreak worse, and can be painful for the person who has it. It has nothing to do with transmission.
Touching or rubbing or giving a handjob to someone without active symptoms is fine. Someone who has active symptoms shouldn't be sexually active. Even if you plan for nothing to happen that could transmit, anything can happen. The heat of the moment, slips, someone taking advantage, etc. - things go wrong all the time.
If you need further clarification, tfen, please ask your own question.
Well thanks i just figured it made more sense to address my question underneath the comment I’m actually asking about rather than separate it. I was referring to someone else receiving a handjob after touching or rubbing an active outbreak with that same hand. Not so much the outbreak penis, which yeah, idk why someone would want that during an outbreak.
Thank you very much for your help. I really appreciate the thorough explanation.
My eczema comes and goes on different parts of my body including hands, and sometimes the patches bleed a little bit without me knowing or feeling, I find a tiny dot of blood on my white pillow or my white tshirts.
But I guess the probability of a patch to bleed then come incontact with any infected fluid or blood from someone at the sauna at the same time, is quiet low. I always try to make sure any eczema I see I apply medicine right away.
The reason I asked about touching an actual herpes blister or a wart or syphilis, is as I have told you before, the thing will happen in a hot tub under water (feels safer for me under water), so I really can't see what I'm touching, and in the moment in the heat of the moment I guess I would touch myself at the same time.
Thanks again for all your help and effort.
My eczema comes and goes on different parts of my body including hands, and sometimes the patches bleed a little bit without me knowing or feeling, I find a tiny dot of blood on my white pillow or my white tshirts.
But I guess the probability of a patch to bleed then come incontact with any infected fluid or blood from someone at the sauna at the same time, is quiet low. I always try to make sure any eczema I see I apply medicine right away.
The reason I asked about touching an actual herpes blister or a wart or syphilis, is as I have told you before, the thing will happen in a hot tub under water (feels safer for me under water), so I really can't see what I'm touching, and in the moment in the heat of the moment I guess I would touch myself at the same time.
Thanks again for all your help and effort.
Just a small clarification, if someone comes in the hot tub and I touch him, and touch my self in the moment, later I know or feel that there is a blister or something (since I can't see under water). should I worry after that ? Shall I consider a risk for transmittion ? (Sorry for further question, but I just read the other persons questions here on my post)
If you are in a hot tub, I wouldn't worry if you touch a blister or something, as there is water, and (I hope) chemicals in the hot tub, that would wash away whatever is on your hand.
If you have open or raw skin from the eczema, you should wait and go another day. Not only could an STD infect that, but there could be bacteria in the hot tub water that could infect you. Normally, your intact skin is a barrier to any bacteria, so please be careful. You'd know better than I would about the care of these saunas, how often they are cleaned, etc., but just be careful with that.
If you have open or raw skin from the eczema, you should wait and go another day. Not only could an STD infect that, but there could be bacteria in the hot tub water that could infect you. Normally, your intact skin is a barrier to any bacteria, so please be careful. You'd know better than I would about the care of these saunas, how often they are cleaned, etc., but just be careful with that.
Hello, hope you are doing well,
As discussed earlier, finally I did go to the sauna, those are the only 2 incidents that happened. I apologise but I need your reassurance, I’m trying to control my mind as much as I can.
1) I touched a guys nipples and genitals for 5 minutes , but for the genitals they were covered with a towel, he told me later that he is HIV+. (I am pretty sure i have no risk to catch anything correct ? Not any STD correct ?)
2) Another guy that Works there as a masseuse, kissed me on my neck for 1 minute, i touched His body his actual skin, not over a towel or something, for 5 minutes including nipples and I touched his penis for 20 seconds, then I stopped right away. After speaking to some people there at the place, I’m just saying what I have been told from some people there, that this masseuse plays around with a lot of people and some things he does are not safe sex. What am I at risk for ? HSV 1 ? I am living at home with my sister and 2 newborn babies, I do not want to expose them to any risk. I usually carry them kiss them a lot, put my face and lips close to them a lot, Shall I stop for now just in case ? Just please tell me how to move forward.
I did not remember seeing any open sores on him.
Today 5 days later, I have a severe soar throat, but could be anything any cold also could be Covid.
Thanks again and as always for helping me go through the experience and continue my life with out major distress. <3
As discussed earlier, finally I did go to the sauna, those are the only 2 incidents that happened. I apologise but I need your reassurance, I’m trying to control my mind as much as I can.
1) I touched a guys nipples and genitals for 5 minutes , but for the genitals they were covered with a towel, he told me later that he is HIV+. (I am pretty sure i have no risk to catch anything correct ? Not any STD correct ?)
2) Another guy that Works there as a masseuse, kissed me on my neck for 1 minute, i touched His body his actual skin, not over a towel or something, for 5 minutes including nipples and I touched his penis for 20 seconds, then I stopped right away. After speaking to some people there at the place, I’m just saying what I have been told from some people there, that this masseuse plays around with a lot of people and some things he does are not safe sex. What am I at risk for ? HSV 1 ? I am living at home with my sister and 2 newborn babies, I do not want to expose them to any risk. I usually carry them kiss them a lot, put my face and lips close to them a lot, Shall I stop for now just in case ? Just please tell me how to move forward.
I did not remember seeing any open sores on him.
Today 5 days later, I have a severe soar throat, but could be anything any cold also could be Covid.
Thanks again and as always for helping me go through the experience and continue my life with out major distress. <3
Look at you - you're so much calmer than I'd expect. :) Good for you.
You had no risk at all from either guy for STDs, and I'd tell you for sure. It doesn't matter what either guy does with others - you did nothing with them that puts you at risk. Kissing on the neck puts you at no risk because the skin on your neck is too thick for HSV1 to penetrate.
Since you have a severe sore throat, I wouldn't put your face near the babies' faces, but that's because it could be strep, covid, etc. If you have masks, maybe now is a good time to mask at home until you see your doctor for some testing. You do NOT have to test for STDs, just the normal covid, strep, etc., stuff.
What a great thing you have, living with the babies. I lived with my sister when her kids were young, and it's such a great bonding time. I am still the best aunt ever. :)
You had no risk at all from either guy for STDs, and I'd tell you for sure. It doesn't matter what either guy does with others - you did nothing with them that puts you at risk. Kissing on the neck puts you at no risk because the skin on your neck is too thick for HSV1 to penetrate.
Since you have a severe sore throat, I wouldn't put your face near the babies' faces, but that's because it could be strep, covid, etc. If you have masks, maybe now is a good time to mask at home until you see your doctor for some testing. You do NOT have to test for STDs, just the normal covid, strep, etc., stuff.
What a great thing you have, living with the babies. I lived with my sister when her kids were young, and it's such a great bonding time. I am still the best aunt ever. :)
Thank you soo much for your help. Yes indeed having the babies around feels great.
One last question, inside the mouth on the tongue I got new small white dots that hurt when I eat, feel a bit hard, most probably that could be the same thing as why my throat hurts correct ? These change nothing about your first answer above correct ?
I hope that you actually know how much you help people like myself, who are really trying hard to help themselves and need this extra push. Thank you <3
One last question, inside the mouth on the tongue I got new small white dots that hurt when I eat, feel a bit hard, most probably that could be the same thing as why my throat hurts correct ? These change nothing about your first answer above correct ?
I hope that you actually know how much you help people like myself, who are really trying hard to help themselves and need this extra push. Thank you <3
The things on your tongue might be transient lingual papillitis, or lie bumps. It's really common, and most of us get it at some point, sometimes more often than others.
https://www.healthline.com/health/lie-bumps - this has a pic that may help see if this what you have.
No one really knows what causes it, but it might be a virus, which could account for the sore throat. There are things you can do to help relieve the pain - salt water rinses, for example, but you just have to wait it out. It's not serious at all, or connected to sexual activity.
Nothing about my answer changes.
Thank you for your kind words. I'm happy to help. :)
https://www.healthline.com/health/lie-bumps - this has a pic that may help see if this what you have.
No one really knows what causes it, but it might be a virus, which could account for the sore throat. There are things you can do to help relieve the pain - salt water rinses, for example, but you just have to wait it out. It's not serious at all, or connected to sexual activity.
Nothing about my answer changes.
Thank you for your kind words. I'm happy to help. :)
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You are reading content posted in the STDs / STIs Community
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
