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Avatar universal

Am I schizophrenic? Or is it something else?

I'm 15 and a female. I have depression.
I randomly hear a voice. Not sentences, just one word I've heard weird things or simple like : hi, shower, oi. And I'll hear it and it'll startle me and most of the time I jump.
I've had hallucinations, but when these have all happened I've been in bed and been woken up and I'm sure they are not dreams. Once I woke up by the sound of my door opening slightly and seeing half a dark body like peeping around, with long black hair. Another time I felt something a bit like a babies arm. I shock it and got scared so I threw it across the room and heard a thud on the wall but I didn't want it in my room so I turned on the light and looked everywhere to find it but never did. I have had another experience feeling what seems to be cold skin.
I can have weird and scary dreams.

I feel I am watched and have problems changing places even in my room because the posters on my wall can see and my mirrors have cameras in so I don't change in front of them, same with a few of my stuffed toys on my bed, so I change facing a way that seems okay to me. I always look over my shoulder when I'm out and I don't trust anyone with secrets just in case anything could happen.

Some times I think something would be in my room with me, and I think I see something so I have to turn on the light and always do when I'm going to sleep before I sleep I must have turned on my light about twenty times because I get so scared.

I can be quite violent or in my mind anyway, I always imagine something bad happening to me, for example if I'm walking in the street and a man walks past me I might picture him just throwing me in front of a car, or raping me.
I can imagine myself doing horrible things to other people, if they've annoyed me or said something, I generally think about it over and over again and what my reaction would be.
I was exspelled from school for a day, after I hit a girl. She hit my friend, so I hit her, it was only a slap. But I always wish I did worse. I always imagine chasing her and pushing her to the ground and screaming in her face.

I often speak out loud what I'm thinking. And I'm always talking to myself in my head. Whether I'm talking to someone I don't know. I often think I am because of them way I'm speaking.
I day dream terribly and it's hard to shake me out of it, people around me often shake, tap and repeatedly saying my name quite a few time until I'm there. I think of all types of things, violent things like I have already explained, things like 'if I could' if I were magic or do what ever I could like fly. Or just normal things like future and working. Mainly are scenario's.

I'm quite creative? I do dance, art, guitar. Art I am very good at, I have a good eye for things and everything needs to be perfect, and perfectly placed and looking good or it'll irritate me very badly.

Stuff most probably not linked with schizophrenia: I do/have self harmed. I haven't properly cut since about two months maybe? But I have burnt myself using the ends of match sticks, I light them, let them burn for a bit and blow them out and then press them on my skin. When I'm very irritated I pinch myself, I have pulled out my hair before but that's not much of a problem.
Eating can be a problem I sometimes won't eat because I think I don't deserve it, or I'm fat enough. If I feel I've over eaten or having a bad week I would make myself sick.
I do eat my scabs, skin, ear wax, boogers, eye crust, nails, spots, dead skin from chewing my fingers or lips. I don't know what this is or if there is a term, I'm worried if it makes me at any health risks.
I constantly want to please people, so sometimes I act different around people I don't know at all, like walking around in town, friends sometimes I spend stupid amounts of money of them. Just generally so stuff I regret afterwards because I was trying to please them.

I'm sorry this has been a very long post, but thank you very much for taking your time to reading it and I hope you can help me.
Madison1995.
Best Answer
585414 tn?1288941302
Yes I had some of those kind of symptoms you described before I started treatment for schizoaffective disorder (schizophrenia with a mood disorder). Some of what you describe may have aspects of paranoia and psychosis (and other aspects may be psychiatric but differ from schizophrenia) but only a psychiatrist would be able to conclusively diagnose what is happening. It would be essential to discuss all this with the counselor and explain your specific concerns and they could within their discretion refer you to a psychiatrist. Counselors are familiar with this and understand how to approach the issue but only a psychiatrist could decide on specific diagnosis and treatment. However talk therapy in addition to medication is helpful for all psychiatrist disabilities so you could continue to see the counselor as well. Since some of the behavior you've described is potentially harmful (and may or may not be associated with schizophrenia) to yourself it would be worthwhile to explain that to the counselor now. Some forms of self harm can respond to cognitive behavioral therapy in addition to medication and talk therapy as well.
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Avatar universal
This is Madison1995.
I also forgot to mention about something I'm not sure if it's linked but I'm strangely attached to my teddy bears. I can't hurt them or it would upset them like sitting on them, putting them upside now or just generally you know, upsetting them, I can't just have one bear on the bed or it'll be lonely but if there are some and no others, I would think the others would be left out. Sometimes I'd talk to them or feel like they talk back. But I don't hear there voices. And other stuff along the lines of my teddy bears.
Don't know if this links?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Sorry yet again Madison1995. I just keep remembering things.
I often think people can hear my thoughts, if I start thinking of something rude or about someone or something inappropriote I would think someone can hear me and I have to think of something else or focus on something in the room instead.
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675718 tn?1530033033
i have schizophrenia i also hear voices is there a doctor you can speak to?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have a councellor and have only been to see her about three times and not yet comfortable to bring it up. And not quite sure how.
If you have Schizophrenia, do you recognize any of these symptoms? Or anything helpful you know?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have schizophrenia as well and share some similar symptoms but psychosis can be caused by a many number of things and they should rule out other things first before diagnosing you with schizophrenia.  The waking hallucinations can be normal as even people without mental illness can experience them but I noticed mine increased in frequency after I had my first psychotic break.  In fact I only had one in the years before my full psychotic break and now I have them once a month or more it seems.  I think the acting different around other people to please them has something to do with subpersonalities which can also be normal as the average person has several but I'm no professional and not trained in psychology and have only learned what I know from studying on my own and observing people for years.  The thinking people are hearing your thoughts can be a first rank symptom of schizophrenia but it doesn't necessarily mean you have it.  It would be best to talk to your counselor about these issues and get referred to a psychiatrist or psychologist for further evaluation.
Helpful - 0
675718 tn?1530033033
it's important to let someone know that your feeling this way don't be shy the more honest you are, the best help you can get from a doctor i was not diagnosed right away they run tests for you before they can specifically say what is going on ok :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Agreeing with everyone else, you do need to find the courage to speak to a counsler.  If you don't feel comfortable yet, please just ask for someone new.  You will be able to find someone you are comfortable with.  Whatever mental affliction you may have, the earlier you start to manage it, the better. My mother had a psychotic break, and is schizophrenic.  She denied having any issues and would not get treatment.  She was good at pretending to be better whenever she was committed.  Now, 12 years later, she is so delusional that no one wants to be around her, she is incapable of holding a normal conversation without going on about her delusions (and they are VERY farfetched). She can not work, and no medication seems to help.  She lives in a government house with other mentally ill people, and she's only 44. Much too young for this... I wouldn't wish this fate on anyone, so if you have any doubts you should seek help.  You will be supported.
God bless.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
They say the earlier a person gets treated for schizophrenia the better the prognosis and half the people with it start usually by being aware something is wrong but then eventually lose insight into themselves and can't see they have it which I was also one of those people but I somehow regained my realization that something is wrong.  I can relate to things your mom has done, sorry to hear she isn't doing that well.
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Avatar universal
But I realise something is wrong, so I not in denial. It's just hard to say something to someone who could judge you.
I'm more afraid of being locked up. Sometimes I think it'll be a good things to go somewhere but I don't want to be there forever.
Helpful - 0
585414 tn?1288941302
Before my current recovery on a few occasions (including when I first started treatment) I did voluntarily sign myself into the psych. hospital and it was always short term just so things could be stabilized. That generally is the way it is for anyone as part of the way things work. Starting treatment doesn't require hospitalization though unless a person is considered "dangerous to themselves or others" at that point. Its always worthwhile to discuss any concerns that are happening so that they can be addressed at that time. Psychiatrists like all doctors do not judge a person but are there to follow up as regards their needs and treatment. I have found its best to be honest with exactly what's happening at all times and explain my concerns and ask why certain treatments will be prescribed and the specific reasons why.
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Avatar universal
It's not really denial it's just the part of the brain that performs self evaluation can be damaged or so they say so it's not possible for the person to see that they have the mental illness in question.
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Avatar universal
I can relate in some of the symptoms you have and understand how you feel and the frustrations,a method you can  try is think of things that make you smile and build possitive thoughts on that and it sounds easier than done but in my personal experience i reverse negative thoughts block them and push them away and let nicer thoughts enter my mind. another technique that may help is to ground yourself phisicaly eg, if your sitting think, focus and concentrate on the surface your sitting on if its a hard or soft surface if your feet are touching the ground on carpet or tiles etc,if your back is supported or not, just all your movements and senses try zoom into all you do from sleeping bathing walking etc this will slow down your thinking and help you in maintaining focus and distracting you from other thoughts hope this helps you best of wishes.
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Avatar universal
My therapist suggested the same thing about grounding oneself in an attempt to stave off psychotic episodes.
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