I'm 15 and a female. I have depression.
I randomly hear a voice. Not sentences, just one word I've heard weird things or simple like : hi, shower, oi. And I'll hear it and it'll startle me and most of the time I jump.
I've had hallucinations, but when these have all happened I've been in bed and been woken up and I'm sure they are not dreams. Once I woke up by the sound of my door opening slightly and seeing half a dark body like peeping around, with long black hair. Another time I felt something a bit like a babies arm. I shock it and got scared so I threw it across the room and heard a thud on the wall but I didn't want it in my room so I turned on the light and looked everywhere to find it but never did. I have had another experience feeling what seems to be cold skin.
I can have weird and scary dreams.
I feel I am watched and have problems changing places even in my room because the posters on my wall can see and my mirrors have cameras in so I don't change in front of them, same with a few of my stuffed toys on my bed, so I change facing a way that seems okay to me. I always look over my shoulder when I'm out and I don't trust anyone with secrets just in case anything could happen.
Some times I think something would be in my room with me, and I think I see something so I have to turn on the light and always do when I'm going to sleep before I sleep I must have turned on my light about twenty times because I get so scared.
I can be quite violent or in my mind anyway, I always imagine something bad happening to me, for example if I'm walking in the street and a man walks past me I might picture him just throwing me in front of a car, or raping me.
I can imagine myself doing horrible things to other people, if they've annoyed me or said something, I generally think about it over and over again and what my reaction would be.
I was exspelled from school for a day, after I hit a girl. She hit my friend, so I hit her, it was only a slap. But I always wish I did worse. I always imagine chasing her and pushing her to the ground and screaming in her face.
I often speak out loud what I'm thinking. And I'm always talking to myself in my head. Whether I'm talking to someone I don't know. I often think I am because of them way I'm speaking.
I day dream terribly and it's hard to shake me out of it, people around me often shake, tap and repeatedly saying my name quite a few time until I'm there. I think of all types of things, violent things like I have already explained, things like 'if I could' if I were magic or do what ever I could like fly. Or just normal things like future and working. Mainly are scenario's.
I'm quite creative? I do dance, art, guitar. Art I am very good at, I have a good eye for things and everything needs to be perfect, and perfectly placed and looking good or it'll irritate me very badly.
Stuff most probably not linked with schizophrenia: I do/have self harmed. I haven't properly cut since about two months maybe? But I have burnt myself using the ends of match sticks, I light them, let them burn for a bit and blow them out and then press them on my skin. When I'm very irritated I pinch myself, I have pulled out my hair before but that's not much of a problem.
Eating can be a problem I sometimes won't eat because I think I don't deserve it, or I'm fat enough. If I feel I've over eaten or having a bad week I would make myself sick.
I do eat my scabs, skin, ear wax, boogers, eye crust, nails, spots, dead skin from chewing my fingers or lips. I don't know what this is or if there is a term, I'm worried if it makes me at any health risks.
I constantly want to please people, so sometimes I act different around people I don't know at all, like walking around in town, friends sometimes I spend stupid amounts of money of them. Just generally so stuff I regret afterwards because I was trying to please them.
I'm sorry this has been a very long post, but thank you very much for taking your time to reading it and I hope you can help me.