Porn and sex sites can be addicting and not always a healthy thing. Some men like to look at these sites for excitement after the sex life gets into a "rut" and they have need of a kickstart. This is okay if it is occassional and you are the one he turns to after becoming excited. If his behavior is one of habit and he is not turning to you,then you may want to question his behavior. Are these pictures of adults or young children? How often does he visit these sites? Would he give them up completely if it bothers you? If he doesn't want to give up watching then he may be addicted. Whatever his reasons, it if bothers you so much, he should do as you ask and stop visiting the sites. You are not being "controlling" or "narrow minded", and he should not be chatting with other women, especially if it is sex talk. You can see a counselor alone or with him for advice. One question you need to ask yourself: If he doesn't give it up, can you live with the behavior? Let your decision point you in the direction that is best for you.
Whenever I work with clients on relationship coaching issues, I always tell them there are two sides to every story. So, the first thing to ask: is this a new behavior? Is this something that was triggered by other factors? Was he always this way, but now it is more pronounced? Being in a relationship is a collaborative effort and it does take work. It takes two to work on a relationship so it is successful.
So, the second thing to ask: are you enjoying being in the relationship? Or is something else not working as well, that maybe needs to be addressed? Is he enjoying being in the relationship? Or is something else not working as well?
The real question to this story is: why doesn’t it matter to him that you are affected adversely by his behavior? Is this symptomatic that he isn’t responsive to your needs? Does he know what your needs are? Do you know what would make you happy in the relationship? Do you know what would make him happy in the relationship?
If you want the relationship to work, I would recommend marriage counseling to help re-ignite the romance and passion that started the relationship.
Your Forum coach, Wanda