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My bf would rather masturbate than have sex with me

My bf and I have been together for 6 months and current live together. We moved in together after 3 months of dating. In the beginning, sex was great (of course). But it got to a point where he wouldn't be able to keep an erection. Sometimes he would cry and say he is afraid I would leave him. I comforted him and told him I wouldn't. The sex was a bonus. As long as he still showed me affection and made me feel loved, I wasn't going anywhere. He was able to finish with me sometimes but he lost his erection more times than he kept it.

Here recently, sex has become scarce and affection too. I found out that he has been masturbating and watching porn. He says sometimes he can't wait for me.  This didn't make sense to me because I am very sexual. If I could, I would have sex with him at least 3x a day!  In fact, before I found out about the masturbating, I talked to him about foods I read that can help reduce my sexual urges so he didn't feel pressured and I don't get frustrated. He told me not to because that was one of the things he loved about me... my sexuality.

I'm so confused on what to do. I feel unattractive and unwanted by him. I'm starting to feel very lonely because not only is the sex non existent, now his affection is dwindling down.  When I tried to talk to him, he got defensive and cold. And all I said was that I felt sexually unattractive to him. He said all guys do what he's doing and if anyone says they don't they are lying.

What do I do? Please help me understand what to do. I love him and want to try to make this work. He says he's in love with me but I'm starting to feel otherwise.
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5856747 tn?1403348682
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
The answer to your question may be a bit of both. It might help if you reduced you masturbating to say once a week and then address your performance anxiety ED.

The key to the latter is to discuss it with your next girl friend. I know this may not be easy but believe me it is pivitol. Explain to her what performance anxiety is like this:

Your subconscious brain is trying to get a message through to your penis to get ready for action and get erect or to stay erect. Fleeting and sometimes subliminal negative thoughts or worries are blocking those messages from getting through. Your brain is trying to call up your penis but it keeps getting an “engaged tone” and cannot get through. Because of passed ‘failures’ your brain has now gone into negative overdrive.

There is now a tried and trusted set of behavioral techniques that can overcome this in a matter of a week or so. These are so easy to apply. Discuss this with your girlfriend/partner; you need her understanding and cooperation.  


Here is how you can overcome performance anxiety:

• Agree with your sex partner to take intercourse off the menu altogether for several weeks.
• If you are not expected to “perform” then you can’t be anxious.
• Fondle and pleasure each other in any way you like but no intercourse. See to it that her needs are being met.
• Then sometime, when you have a half decent erection, she squats over you and places your penis into her vagina. She does all the grunting moving and shaking while you just lie there and do nothing. You are not “on duty”. You are “off call”. You are on holidays and have withdrawn all services. You need to be able to laugh at this as well. A good sense of humor is essential. This is only sex after all. Its not a life or death issue.

• I know that this may not be easy for you and that you would love to find a “better” diagnosis and a “better” solution. I have known so many men get themselves into terrible knots trying to avoid what is after all eloquently simple. Take this quantum leap now and you will not regret it.

Once you get your confidence back your ED will go away. If you wish, or if the above does not seem to be working you can take some Cialis 20 mg as you have done before but you do not want to become dependent on them.





Here are some common myths about performance anxiety erectile dysfunction:

• It’s your own fault. It absolutely is not your fault. It might be someone else’s fault if someone said something nasty to you and striped you of your confidence. In the main however, it is usually nobody’s fault. It just happens. It only needs happen once to establish a cycle of negativity.
• It’s a sign of weakness. It is no such thing.
• It’s difficult to fix. Not so. It is easy to fix if you have a sense of humor and can share it with your partner.
• It does not spill over into masturbation. It does.

Dr Andrew Rynne.
www.medicaladviceforyou.com
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I recently learned and am trying to understand how could porn addiction prevent me from having a sexual healthy lifestyle.
Here is my situation i have been masturbating for a very long time I and have had problems with having intercourse from a very young age..roughly 18.
Never really had a girlfriend just sexual partners because of my fear of not getting it up and being able to please a woman.
As time progress I have taken Viagra and Cialis to help boost my confidence and help with me in the bedroom.   Know I find it more difficult for Cialis to work for me because my body has become immune to it...even when I took 2 @ time I was getting it up.
It was very heartbreaking for me and dissatisfying for my girlfriend.
Here is what I don't understand I can masturbate constantly with porn and and I have morning erections...so I get the feeling nothing is wrong with me physically.

So my question is do I have performance anxiety Erectile D.  Or is too much porn and I masturbate to much?

Also do pills like: Gingko Biloba, Fish Oils, Yohimbe, Tribulus terrestris help with you Sexual function for Erectile D?

And is there anything you recommend for someone who is very healthy on what they can do help build back my confidence in the bedroom and and what i can do to keep my erection.
Helpful - 0
5856747 tn?1403348682
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Your boyfriend may have performance anxiety erectile dysfunction.If this is the case, then he may be avoiding the challenge (as he sees it) of having to have intercourse with you for fear he may 'fail' yet again. This is a very common cycle of emotions.
To break this cycle it might be useful to take intercourse off the menu altogether for a few weeks on the bases that if there is no expected performance then there is no anxiety. Fondle and pleasure each other all you like but no intercourse. Then sometime when he has a half decent erection you come on top of him and do all the work while he just lies there and does nothing. No performance, no anxiety. Good luck!  
Helpful - 0

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