Girlfriend's struggle to orgasm

[Joe_soap]

Hi there everyone

Just need a bit of guidance.

My girlfriend of 1.5 years and I have a healthy sex life, however she has always had problems climaxing. She is my first sexual partner, and since we've been dating she has made it clear that she has never orgasmed during sex (she has had a few more partners) She told me she has only orgasmed twice in her life (with previous partner) because of oral.
Since then I have made her orgasm a few more times via oral but it is a real struggle and doesn't happen often. I thought I was doing something wrong thus I've always communicated with her asking me to show her what she likes etc, I'm always very open to her showing me what to do but she can never be specific and most she can tell me is "everything you do feels good". I've always made her feel comfortable and relaxed before any oral, as I thought that was key. I've always made sure I was caring and understanding as to make sure she felt cared for. I put considerable time into foreplay. I try my best on all fronts but when I give oral she tells me that I can make her feel good to the point of orgasming, but she'll never "go over the edge" and actually orgasm. I can keep her at that edge for ages but never "push her over" and get her to orgasm.

We spoke about it and I maybe suggested that she try exploring her body etc so she can get a sense of what feels right then she can direct me. But she tells me she is uncomfortable about touching herself and it just feels "weird" and doesn't like it. She only likes it when I am there to touch her.

I'm not sure how else to approach it, because I feel that sometimes both of us get fustrated after many sessions of oral without her climaxing; I just want to make her feel good and I feel dissapointed/fustrated that I can't? I've spoken to her about it and she doesn't know what to do other than accept that her body will always struggle to orgasm.

Any suggestions?

[jemma116]

Lots of women have problems reaching an orgasm.

Perhaps she is too afraid to let go and relax to the point that will get her to the orgasm.

If she is worried about anything or tired, she will not reach an orgasm no matter how hard she tries.

Have you tried using any sex toys?  (Don't answer that).
But it would be worth looking into.  Nothing wrong with getting some "tools" to help.

Wishing you lots of fun.

[AnnieBrooke]

Perhaps she does not have a high sex drive.  If that is the case, there is the possibility (if this does not change over time, possibly with childbirth or some other way) that you'll have to say the two of you aren't well matched sexually and throw in the towel.  If I was having as much trouble as you say she is, it would not make me feel more sexy to have my poor partner toiling and straining over trying to make me orgasm.  It would make me so self-aware and self-conscious that I never would be able to.  Some of orgasm is the ability to kick loose, and having an anxious partner whispering "are you getting somewhere?" is like having cold water poured over things.

Anyway, maybe you should try, with her, saying "Let's forget about trying to orgasm and just have fun."  And do.

[NOHARD]

Hi Joe, First you have to remember some women can go through there whole life, and never know what it is to orgasm.
Second stop asking her if that was good, or how was that for you, buy doing this your putting pressure on her to perform just for you.
Making love, having sex, should be a relaxing time for both of you, its not a race, to see who can get there first, could be that she is slower than you and just needs lots of foreplay, and don't forget extra lubrication, its sometimes best to extra wet than just damp.
Now can she masturbate to orgasm by herself or with you watching?

You could both do with a trip to Dodson and rass so just google that, on here you will both find lots of answers, its kind if like all the sexual answers to all the questions your afraid to ask, and then even more.
Dr Betty Dodson is a guru for masturbation and orgasms. she runs life class's for women doing both, so your g/f should find all her answers there.
Your ok its not a porn site, if you cant find what your looking for then post to Dr Betty Dodson.
Good Luck

[Joe_soap]

I never put pressure on her by asking 'how close is she?' because I know that would not do any good but there is sometimes tension in the air afterwards because she knows she was so close, and I know and I think we both feel down about it.

You have a valid point, I must stop seeing an orgasm as a goal and rather just focus on having fun and making love. I just feel dissapointed because I want to make her happy as she makes me. She deserves it.

@NOHARD she doesn't like masturbating at all. The closest I can get is when I talk dirty over the phone and she masturbates. I have to be involved somehow for her to feel good.

[NOHARD]

Hi Joe, so now is the time for you to show her Dodson and ross, perhaps it will help her to achieve her goal, its packed with information for both of you.
Good Luck