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I Just Don't Know What to Do Anymore.

Since the age of about 11-12 i have had very strange sexual desires. including my strongest fetish Vorarephilia. I have a long list of fetishes that hold me prisoner. These fetishes have affected me so deeply i don't know where to start. I have tried to have sex more than once. But everytime i try i just cant get turned on. This made me think for the longest time that i was gay or bi. Though it turns out i am not. It just goes to show how mutch these damn fetishes of mine have been tearing my life a part. I am to the point that i don't know what to do anymore. I have deppresion and countless anxieties. I can't enjoy a relationship with another person. I don't feel normal. So can i do anything for these problems? Or am i as screwed as i think i am?
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
No questions about it, you did suffer trauma as a child. A divorce, having an alcoholic father who you took care of, being taken away from him for 4 years. Yes, that's trauma.
I asked that question because almost all of us that have depression, anxiety or any other problems can also have suffered childhood trauma. Sometimes when we don't get help for this we can develop our own coping skills.This could be an addiction, cutting, fetishes and so on. Now, this does'nt happen to all of us but it's not uncommon.
The fetish you have is unusual. Please don't take that the wrong way. But, I do understand why you may have it. It can be a control thing, it can be to keep people with you always because you've felt abandoned  in your childhood.
I'm glad to hear you will be getting in to therapy soon. It will really help you learn to deal with everything you're going through.
It's not uncommon for people to have problems and question why. Once someone either makes you really think about it or you realize it yourself you just have no idea why.
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
You can tell me as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. I'm here to listen and help anyway I can.
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Avatar universal
When you are asking to what dagree of the Vore fetish. Do you mean on a scale of one to ten? Or do you want to know details about what turns me on in the fetish?
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Avatar universal
Now that i think about it. My parants devorced when i was 5. I was taken away from my dad when i was 6-7 for about 4 years. My dad was ( and still is) an alchoholic despite my attempts. And when i finally returned to my father to live with at the age of 12. I was taking care of him more than he was taking care of me. So yea i guese you can call that traumatic? And no i have not seen a therapist. Though i do plan on seeing one soon.
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
Can I also ask to what extent the Vorarephlia is? I do know what this is and there are varying degrees of it.  
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
Have you ever been in therapy for your depression and anxiety? If not, I would highly recommend it. Therapy can help you in so many ways. Not only your depression and anxiety but the fetishes too.
Is there anything traumatic that happened when you were 11, 12, or younger? Sometimes that cause depression, anxiety and even fetishes.
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