Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Pregnant Ex

In November was going out for a few weeks with my ex-girlfriend, but we broke up because she had lied to me and almost certainly been cheating on me. After about a month of no contact, we got in touch again, she pleaded with me to believe she hadn't cheated etc and I started seeing and sleeping with her again. In March, she told me she had been tested for STDs etc and was all clear, and that she would go on the pill. I wasn't sure about trusting her to take it, but she told me condoms hurt her (sounds like a trick). She returned to her home country china about 3 weeks ago.
I decided to get an STD/STI check myself and was positive for Chlamydia (the other results are still pending), so obviously I was furious because I realised she had been sleeping with someone else again ( I'm an idiot,I know) and decided not to speak to her again. Then a day later she told me she is pregnant, and has been for about 2 weeks - she says the pill wasn't effective because she was taking some other medication which made it ineffective...
Tbh I don't want a child with a girl who, basically, is a *****. On top of that she lives in China, we are both only 21 and totally incapable of caring for a child (she would have to do it alone anyway, unless I moved over there), and we are both doing degrees in different countries.
To be honest, I know it sounds cold, but I want her to have an abortion. is it right for me to try to ask this of her?
If she says no to this, is it wrong for me to not want to be involved with her (or this child) at all in future? I want to do the right thing, but I feel this is so unfair on me.
Thanks...
3 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
You got great advice from the above posters. All you can do right now is wait until the baby is born and have a DNA test done.
Can I ask why in the world you would not use a condom if you did'nt trust this girl? If she said they hurt then you should have moved on and not had sex with her.It seems pretty obvious that she wanted to get pregnant. Because you did'nt use condoms you got an STD and a possible baby on the way. Some girls lie about being on the pill. Even if you see a girl you're in a casual relationship with take it right in front of you and you don't trust her then always protect yourself.
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1693250592
Pretty complex because you are in different countries.  If the baby is yours, you'll be on the hook for child support if she decides to come to this country and file for it.  I would also at the least suggest adoption to her, leaving the abortion suggestion hanging (she will surely have thought of it).  You should make it clear to her that you don't intend to be involved.  

The main thing is, if she intends to come to this country to file for child support from you, you definitely need to go to a court-certified lab and get a DNA test done when she is here with the baby.  
Helpful - 0
1696489 tn?1370821974
Wow, ya got yourself between a rock and a hard place here, Matt.  You can ask her to abort the baby.  But the final say on this remains with her.  She is allowed to have the baby with or without your consent.  If she has the baby, you might suggest putting it up for adoption.  Again, if she doesn't agree, it won't happen.  Your last resort is to get a lawyer to write you up an agreement stating that you release all of your parental rights to the child to the baby's mother.  This probably will not get you out of paying child support anyway, since you DID father the child.  AND I'm sort of guessing here because laws on this may be different in other countries.  I suggest you retain a lawyer for further advice.  Blessings - Blu
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Sexual Health Community

Top Sexual Health Answerers
139792 tn?1498585650
Indore, India
Avatar universal
st. louis, MO
Avatar universal
Southwest , MI
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
STDs aren't transmitted through clothing. Fabric is a germ barrier.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.