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Regarding porn

Hi,
So I am having a lot of trouble being ok with my guy looking at porn. I am open to watching it, open to sex anytime but he still watches it without me and hids it. We have had many fights because he doesn’t get where I am coming from. He has wanked on the way home before ... on his way home to me ... why wouldn’t he wait? We could have sex today and he will still look at porn the same day. He has done that a lot. He watches it anytime he is home and I am not and even at work. I honestly feel like I am too fat, not pretty enough, not good enough and I am very upset and angry. He doesn’t even wank most of the time he just watches it. Please help. I don’t know how to handle all this.
5 Responses
Avatar universal
he likes to watch but you are the one he is with.  he may like freaky stuff  you wont do.  do you like freaky stuff?  
1 Comments
I am pretty open to most stuff i always want to please him so i can’t make sense of it and it makes me angry and then i am snappy to him
Avatar universal
Maybe see what he watches and try to do the same thing if he likes rough , anal, milf,(if your comfortable with it) but maybe he's addicted to porn and he just can't let it go, maybe have sex while watching porn.
4 Comments
He deletes his history I have only ever seen it once and just made me feel to fat for him. I have offered to watch it together so many times but he won’t. I am feeling like snapping. He has another day off today and slept with me last night but will still look at it today. He doesn’t even wank most of the time just looks :-( i have no idea how to not take that personal.
So came home today and he has done it again even though we slept togethee last night and he lied again too. How can I not fee like I am to gross for him
I have no idea what your going through but maybe porn is like entertainment for him so I watch a lot of sports maybe he finds porn entertaining.
Thanks Kiddie12
It is really bothering me. He was in such a great mood too when I got home which is more concerning. Feels like he isn’t happy if he hasn’t watched it, so you could be right about entertaining but then what does that make me ? Like i am so confused
3060903 tn?1398565123
I'd leave him and find a guy that doesn't watch porn, there's many that don't, you got one that does. You have to decide if that makes you sexually incompatible. To me, it would make him sexually incompatible.  I wouldn't take any of what he's dishing out to you. Not much more to say, other than i'm here if you ever need to talk.
3 Comments
Thanks Nighthawk61
I have thought about it but I love the bloody idiot. So I think Ill give it another month or so and see if it still shows as an issue for me then make a choice. My councilor said that I have to separate the porn from our relationship as they are not the same things. Trying to get my head around it isn’t that easy lol
The thing is I look at porn myself but for some reason he thinks i have issues with it. If he chooses to look at porn over and over again instead of  being sexual with me then i would more than likey have to say more to him then. I always take alot more than what I should lol and accept alot when I shouldn’t but guess thats just me.
Nighthawlk61
She said its like someone being addicted to the pokies so have to try and deal with it like that and not take it so personally. Its not easy and thank you for the chats.
Actually I doubt there are any guys left out there that don’t watch porn lol
Avatar universal
You have to ask yourself... If porn is really the problem. Or if there is problems elsewhere. If you guys still have a good sexual relationship I wouldnt worry too much. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years. He watches porn and so do I. Maybe he is embarrassed about the porn he watches. Fighting isnt going to solve it. Creating a safe space where he can talk to you about it is your best bet. If you feel insecure then thats something you both should work on together.
3 Comments
Thanks Youloveme313,
I don’t think it’s the porn itself as I do look too. I did see some once on his phone that made me feel fat about myself but I just had to push that aside. He is embarrassed and I don’t know why. I watch it to so its not the porn it’s the fact that he had hid it so much and also can watch it the same day we sleep together or the very next day, that makes me feel like I am no good. I think our sex life could improve in the intamcy way. I feel like from the porn he has watched over the years he has a false sense of intimacy but after a few words the last few weeks he has been trying harder in that area.
And yeah i do worry about what sort of porn he watches and I have no way of knowing but I have had two partners in the past that made me very unhappy and uncomfortable about porn ..... ill just have to get over it all. Fix my self esteem and hope it gets easier.
So I offered a ** last night and he said he just wanted to go to sleep. He has knocked me back a fair few times feels like he only wants it when he wants it. I discovered the mess on the carpet where he must of wanked last ... who leaves their mess behind ? Do I want to much sex or does he prefer wanking and porn .... so hard to tell.
Avatar universal
Why would he be honest with you when you get mad about it and then it causes a fight? Your body image is not on him to resolve. You feeling fat is not caused by his watching porn, so it might be time to understand one does not impact the other. He is obviously attracted to you and gets aroused by you which means you are not fat and gross to him. When you see men in a porn movie with a really big **** does it change your opinion of his ****? Why would it be any different for him?

Another question is why would he enjoy watching porn with you if it causes you to feel insecure about yourself? Your insecurity is far less attractive than anything about your looks. Stop comparing yourself to porn stars because that will help you out a lot. Tell yourself you are desirable and attractive until you believe it.

Believe it or not there are a lot of people who prefer to masturbate and it has nothing to do with the person they are with. Obviously there are some serious issues in your relationship if you're checking up on him and his computer usage. Why is that? You aren't even married yet and you snoop on him more than some spouses after twenty years together, so ask yourself the reasons for that. Has he cheated on you? Have you cheated on him? Do you have your own fetish which you are embarrassed to share and are worried he has something like that? Was this an issue in other relationships?

Him watching porn and masturbating is far less of a problem than if he was sleeping with random people and putting your life at risk. There are ways you can get this to no longer being an issue but it will require you to stop being so negative about yourself. If you continue feeling gross and fat then he will continue to sense the unease and disgust you feel about yourself. There is nothing attractive about insecurity. It is not arousing. You both deserve to have you able to be comfortable in your own skin!
4 Comments
I wasn’t getting mad until I realised he was lying.  The realy issue started when he was coming home from work and going to his exs to see his kids with obvious arousal marks he then said he would wank in the way home but sadly it was after being there everytime. Since then I seen how comfortable (to close) he was with his ex and when I asked if he thought he was to close to her he snapped and kicked me out. The porn never was the issue is was him hiding it, doing it everychance he got, wanking after being at his exs instead of coming home to be with me and then telling me I want to much sex ... i think a few times a week to want it is not to much when you love someone. Wanting to wank more than be with your parter to me is odd but because we couldn’t talk about anything without him getting cranky I had no chance. Yes porn has been an issue because noone has ever been open and honest with me about it so its always been hard buy I am very open and willing to discuss anything and watch it with my partner because I like to please maybe just try to hard
Keep in mind he told me for a while that he never new what the arousal was from. It since turns out that he is a touchy feely guy his brother told me .. see he use to grab me and get aroused when we werent together and since his brother said he has done that with other woman so I guess thats where some of the arousal and my issues come from
But thanks for the other advice. No way i never cheated but he has a history of cheating and did sleep with me when he was with someone else before so I guess all my bad thoughts come from that along with some evidence that he couldn’t be honest about. Its a hard situation and can’t explain the whole thing its to long lol
But yes I will work on myself and hope meet someone who actually doesn’t create doubt so much.
Also he had a tendancy to lie even about small things so its hard to know what was real and what wasn’t. Looking back he has a personality disorder. I will take my faults for what they are and fix my problems but I wasn’t the only one with faults but thats what he perceived.
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