Aa
Sexual exploration as a child
I have just started working with children who have been physically and/or sexually abused. We have been learning a lot about sexual abuse in training, and I began to worry about my own sexual experiences.
When I was a child, I was very precocious. My parents were good parents, and I was never sexually abused, but I was always curious about sex. I touched myself and explored as a child, and somewhere between the ages of 6-9 I began to become curious about boys. My cousin (who was 1 year younger than I) and I touched each other's genitals (even licked them one time out of sheer curiousity) and exposed ourselves to one another, but it was never forced. We played doctor and tried touching each other different ways, and after a little while we got bored and stopped doing it.
Now, as an adult, I suddenly feel very ashamed and guilty about this. I don't know how to feel about this or how to interpret it.
When I was a child, I was very precocious. My parents were good parents, and I was never sexually abused, but I was always curious about sex. I touched myself and explored as a child, and somewhere between the ages of 6-9 I began to become curious about boys. My cousin (who was 1 year younger than I) and I touched each other's genitals (even licked them one time out of sheer curiousity) and exposed ourselves to one another, but it was never forced. We played doctor and tried touching each other different ways, and after a little while we got bored and stopped doing it.
Now, as an adult, I suddenly feel very ashamed and guilty about this. I don't know how to feel about this or how to interpret it.
No doubt this innocent normal curiosity that you and your cousin took part in has stayed in your conscience mind. This is much different than abuse. This happened to me as well as a child but I made the decision long ago that this was normal for that age. It's an age where children explore. I am surprised you haven't received that kind of guidance from a counselor. Maybe you haven't gone out of your way to discuss it out of shame and guilt. Again, maybe you are mixing up innocent child curiosity with the subject of abuse. They are not the same.
It sounds like you're just thinking of things you used to do since the work is prevalent with your past. I wouldn't give it too much thought.
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