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Strict Parents/Feel Ashamed To Explore Sexually With Boyfriend
I don't know what to do. My family aren't all that religious but they are very strict with all the relationship stuff and sexual stuff. My boyfriend lives quite far away and we don't see each other very often (once every 1 1/2 to 2 months) as we are both only 16 and don't have our liscense to drive to each other. He always tells me how beautiful and amazing he thinks I am and how lucky he is to have me. I really REALLY love him. He has opened my eyes to how I should be treated compared to that of every other guy I have dated and I realised that the boys I was dating beforehand weren't treating me as good as I thought.
Anyway everyone who knows me perceives me as 'not that type of girl'. Like not the type of girl to masturbate or do anything sexual with my boyfriends because i'm well behaved and have a good reputation with adults in my life for being the 'good girl'. Recently I've been caught out by some of my sexual activities (parents saw hickeys on my neck/realised I had condoms in my purse) and they weren't happy and made me feel ashamed of wanting to explore that area of my life and just live like a normal teenager.
I live quite a sheltered life other than at school. Now even though I had condoms I'm still a virgin but I was preparing for my first with my current boyfriend because in all honesty (not meaning to be cringe at all) i love him so much and i think he is the one i want to get married to one day and i want to give him everything i can because he gives me all of him and will do anything for me. I really really love him, but i'm afraid of the consequences of having sex and all the possibilities that could happen.
Another problem is that because my parents are strict i can't sleep over at hi house and to be frank i don't think they'd even let me go other to his house now that they know of the condoms (which i told them were just a precaution, and they said i shouldn't be thinking of that stuff at this age) so i don't know where it would happen, Because i certainly do not want to be doing that in a public toilet or something for my first time with someone i love because that (with my morals and in my opinion) is a **** move and don't want to be known as that person. I simply just want to explore myself sexually with the one i love and give him everything without the judgement or feeling ashamed of what i am doing.
Anyway everyone who knows me perceives me as 'not that type of girl'. Like not the type of girl to masturbate or do anything sexual with my boyfriends because i'm well behaved and have a good reputation with adults in my life for being the 'good girl'. Recently I've been caught out by some of my sexual activities (parents saw hickeys on my neck/realised I had condoms in my purse) and they weren't happy and made me feel ashamed of wanting to explore that area of my life and just live like a normal teenager.
I live quite a sheltered life other than at school. Now even though I had condoms I'm still a virgin but I was preparing for my first with my current boyfriend because in all honesty (not meaning to be cringe at all) i love him so much and i think he is the one i want to get married to one day and i want to give him everything i can because he gives me all of him and will do anything for me. I really really love him, but i'm afraid of the consequences of having sex and all the possibilities that could happen.
Another problem is that because my parents are strict i can't sleep over at hi house and to be frank i don't think they'd even let me go other to his house now that they know of the condoms (which i told them were just a precaution, and they said i shouldn't be thinking of that stuff at this age) so i don't know where it would happen, Because i certainly do not want to be doing that in a public toilet or something for my first time with someone i love because that (with my morals and in my opinion) is a **** move and don't want to be known as that person. I simply just want to explore myself sexually with the one i love and give him everything without the judgement or feeling ashamed of what i am doing.
So I remember being 16, and wanting to explore everything. It's totally normal.
Can your boyfriend come to see you? Can your parents get to know him? Start trusting him? Lay off the hickeys for awhile - and really, there's no need for them, as all it does is announce to people that you were hooking up in some way.
My parents would have NEVER let me sleep over at a boy's house at 16, and I can't imagine letting a 16 year old do it now, even though I'm older and cooler. ;) I'm an adult, and since I'm not married, my mom probably wouldn't let me share a bedroom with a man I'm not married to, even now. It's just the way she feels. I respect her rules at her house.
Do you know what your boyfriend does during the times you aren't together? I ask, because yes, there are consequences to having sex, at any age. Have you talked about sexually transmitted infections? Pregnancy prevention? Has he had sex before? Has he been tested before? Is he as serious about this as you are?
You may well end up married to this guy, or you may not. Statistically, you won't, but you never know. Right now, you need to work with your parents to earn their trust back. You are always your first priority - not a boy. Make sure you have your best interests first, and right now, that's not fighting your parents. Yes, they may be strict. My parents were really strict, and I got through it. You will too, and their strictness may protect you from some mistakes.
So for now, work with your parents. Earn their trust. If you want to be treated like an adult, act like one. Be responsible, honest, reliable. If you say you'll do something, do it. If you say you'll be home at a certain time, be home at that time. If there is a party and everyone is drinking, leave and tell them that's why you left. Show your parents that you can be trusted, and that you have good judgement.
It will take time, and it may be like this until you graduate and go to college or leave after high school. That's okay. If your boyfriend is the one you are meant to be with, he will still be there at that time.
Oh and if he is pressuring you at all, he's not the one for you.
Can your boyfriend come to see you? Can your parents get to know him? Start trusting him? Lay off the hickeys for awhile - and really, there's no need for them, as all it does is announce to people that you were hooking up in some way.
My parents would have NEVER let me sleep over at a boy's house at 16, and I can't imagine letting a 16 year old do it now, even though I'm older and cooler. ;) I'm an adult, and since I'm not married, my mom probably wouldn't let me share a bedroom with a man I'm not married to, even now. It's just the way she feels. I respect her rules at her house.
Do you know what your boyfriend does during the times you aren't together? I ask, because yes, there are consequences to having sex, at any age. Have you talked about sexually transmitted infections? Pregnancy prevention? Has he had sex before? Has he been tested before? Is he as serious about this as you are?
You may well end up married to this guy, or you may not. Statistically, you won't, but you never know. Right now, you need to work with your parents to earn their trust back. You are always your first priority - not a boy. Make sure you have your best interests first, and right now, that's not fighting your parents. Yes, they may be strict. My parents were really strict, and I got through it. You will too, and their strictness may protect you from some mistakes.
So for now, work with your parents. Earn their trust. If you want to be treated like an adult, act like one. Be responsible, honest, reliable. If you say you'll do something, do it. If you say you'll be home at a certain time, be home at that time. If there is a party and everyone is drinking, leave and tell them that's why you left. Show your parents that you can be trusted, and that you have good judgement.
It will take time, and it may be like this until you graduate and go to college or leave after high school. That's okay. If your boyfriend is the one you are meant to be with, he will still be there at that time.
Oh and if he is pressuring you at all, he's not the one for you.
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Oh and there is no shame in exploring sexually, either by yourself or with your boyfriend. The reality of it all is that you live with your parents and have to abide by their rules. :(
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