my boyfriend doesnt like having sex or vaginas, hes straight is that normal?

[spaghettios]

So my boyfriend and i have been dating for 10 months and have always been extremely sexually attracted to each other.he gets aroused by everything i bring except having sex. which is one of the main things i want but he has brought up the fact that its just not really his thing and when we have tried in the past his boner went away almost instantly and of course i was embarrassed that there's something wrong with me and could shake that thought for a while. it hurts because in the beginning, he seemed really interested in doing it with me then soon after that happened...

[auntiejessi]

Well, it's normal if he just doesn't like it - there are all kinds of things that fall under the ranges of "normal", like some people like strawberries, but it's normal that others don't.

Is him saying it's "just not his thing" covering up for something else, like erectile dysfunction? Anxiety? Trauma?

Does he like oral sex? Does he enjoy doing things to you, like foreplay? If it's just penis-in-vagina sex, it may not be his thing, but has he ever explained why? I don't think he needs to write a 10 page paper on why, but I do think that this is important enough to warrant more than a "not my thing" if you want this to continue and it's affecting your self-esteem.

Don't accuse him of anything, and don't get angry. Just gently ask if you can have a conversation about it so you can understand and not take it personally. If it's really just not his thing, then you can make a decision about how you feel about that, and a future without intercourse. Any decision about that is also valid.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[spaghettios]

thank you that really helps. yes he loves oral and foreplay but its just the sex thing that hes not interested in :/

[Paxiled]

Okay, folks, oral and foreplay are sex.  It's all sex.  So if he likes having sex with you, meaning the oral and foreplay, and he says he doesn't like intercourse, it could be he's gay but likes you but it's also very possible he has had problems with erections, possibly recently.  You do need to ask him what's up, because if you like intercourse and he truly doesn't, you aren't going to be happy with him, right?  If it's an emotional thing, it may or may not be able to be fixed.  

[spaghettios]

well  hes definitely not gay because he is very homophobic and i think its because his parents raised him that being gay is a despicable thing.  but you never know.  im bisexual and hes no for that either but he leaves it alone because he respects my boundaries. i truly think its either something with me or just vaginas in general because in the past weve attempted twice and it always went down almost immediately after going inside. Even though it completely ruined my self esteem ive just decided to leave it alone because he always just says its not me hes just not into it as much as boobs,ass, etc.

[Paxiled]

And I'm trying to tell you it's not you.  Gay people are often the most homophobic, so that's irrelevant, but I'm not saying he is, but I am saying he acts like he is.  But he also acts like someone with erection problems and it's gotten to him and so he avoids it.  Look, there are all kinds of people out there in the naked city, so anything is possible, but there's just nothing like the feeling of being inside someone you like if you're a guy.  No matter how much you like the other stuff, and who doesn't?, it just doesn't feel the same.  Most of us who started having sex at a young age started out not having intercourse because the woman was too young for that yet, but nobody stays like that forever.  I'm going to repeat, if you like intercourse and he doesn't, don't get involved, it will only hurt more later.  But if he has a problem that he doesn't want to share with you, it doesn't mean the problem isn't there, and this sounds like a problem.  If he won't address it, again, nobody can help him with it, and therefore it will stay this way and again, you'll be stuck with someone who doesn't like what you do.  But it's your life to live, and if this is good for you, then don't worry about it.  But also don't think it has anything to do with you, because I'm guessing it doesn't.  Peace.