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need some help

so i just entered into a new relationship with the girl of my dreams (quite the love story really) and shes wonderful shes caring giving loving everything a man should want. shes a virgin and has only had 2 boyfriends before me so her experience is relatively 0. i on the other hand have had tons of experience so i feel like i should be able to facilitate her new experiences well. i cant say im an excellent lover but i can say i try to do for my partner. and as we were begining to explore each other ive noticed her to be the most delicate woman ive ever been with. and this is where my questions begin and hers as well. while playing i found it that giving her an orgasm to be very difficult as she requires the lightest touch imaginable this is the difference between the typical tickle with your fingers and one with a feather (just as an example of sensitivity).

i guess im trying to find out if this has something to do with circulation or hormones or if its merely the way some people are. i just want to make her pleased with me and i never want to leave her unsatisfied because i know she feels the same for me. also she is afraid that this could hurt her/ our sex life. but im going to try to do my best for her no matter what i just want reassurance or advice.

if anyone has any suggestions or knowledge of this it would mean a lot.
Best Answer
1101690 tn?1268499639
A good starting point can be to find out how she likes to touch herself during self-pleasuring activities, you can probably get some inspiration from her technique which works for her when playing with her own body.
Later, when you have regular sex life together, she could become more confident and she could take the active part from time to time and they when she is the active one - for example in sexual way it can be when she is on the top, cowgirl position, or just when she is playing with you, touching you etc... - she could have a chance to do what feel best for her and from that point you could guess what is the most pleasurable stimulation for her.
Do not feel that all the responsibility is on your shoulders, it should be a task which needs to be solved by both of you, in a mutually satisfying way, she should participate in finding possible solutions and not just leave it all on your shoulders. (I´m not saying that it is one-sided or that she is like this, I´m just pointing out one possible problem in some relationships where the "responsibility for sexual pleasure" is viewed as the responsibility of just one partner - this is probably not your case because when you are more experienced, it is just natural that you feel that you are expected to take the more active role here, so my remarks are useless here at this point, it´s just something about the future which is not so relevant now)
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Avatar universal
thanks alot for the advice it helps alot to get my insecurities out and afirm there is nothing wrong with us just everything takes time.

and for sourkreme,
brother you've gotta get past that way of thinking. i have plenty of reasons to distrust the Y chromosome but if you dwell in that **** youll never be happy trust me. if you cant trust the person you sleep with you might as well live alone cause thats dangerous business. im sorry that your life is that full of lies and deception but maybe one day with a little luck you can get past that.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
That was unnecessary and uncalled for. There are women who decide to wait to have sex who are attractive. I know plenty of virgins who are beautiful...

to newguy014...
I still don't think it's the way her body is. It's a lot about comfort level. That area of her body can be sensitive to a point, but it's not 'delicate'. It's fine to have a more firm touch. Communication is key. The only way to get passed this is to talk with her. See what she likes and what she is comfortable with.. good luck.
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Avatar universal
im an 18 yr old girl, n i feel the same as your girlfriend, whenever my boyfriend gives me an orgasm i expect the lightest touch coz dat area is very delicate and if u wil put even lil pressure it causes pain instead of pleasure, i advice you to apply sum baby oil on ur fingers while fingering her coz this is wat my bf does n trust me on this it works
hope i helped you:-)
Helpful - 0
684030 tn?1415612323
... so maybe, she's timid when it comes to sexuality and it comes off as being "delicate." That could be a result of inexperience and/ or a reflection of shyness. I seriously doubt that it has anything to do with hormones.

Anyway, I think that this "delicateness" has more to do her mental and emotional comfort zone. If it's that, you'll both need to proceed slowly and patiently when it comes to intimacy. But, be prepared for the fact that being "delicate" may simply be.... her way.
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Avatar universal
yes i realize all this and we are taking it slow / we aren't having sex . ive been very patient and everything has been on her accord. i haven't asked or pushed anything. in lay mans terms i am being a gentleman. in fact she really enjoys my hands and is very receptive she just is very delicate. imagine fingering or playing with a clit to being akin to a tickle. most tickling can be lightly rough or lets say passionate and get more and less intense. well imagine that the only way to tickle someone was with the amount of pressure or intensity you would get from a feather and anymore than that would stop feeling good.

that's my situation
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I really don't think it is physical in nature at all. I think she's still nervous about this, even if she says she isn't. You said you just entered this new relationship and are moving fast if you are already having sex, and it's her first time with a guy, so it's a lot for her to take in. I would say to slow things down and talk with her about it all. Sex is not just a physical act, it's emotional too. Make sure she is ready for this and really wants it. She might be afraid of your weight, so she thinks you might hurt her, which will not allow her to enjoy any of it preventing her from being able to orgasm. Though the bottom line is that you need to talk with her about it, she's most likely very nervous about all this and you both need to take it slow...
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Avatar universal
that would seem to be the case. but ive known her for near 6 years and have been with women that have had those kinds of issues or pasts and in my experience show in other ways as well as touch like social issues. shes just for lack of a better term delicate very delicate (not saying she is petite either she is very average in size as well). but she shows no signs of abuse or social problems (from my knowledge of people and our history).
im thinking it may just be an issue of getting comfortable with a partner (partially) and that she has had no experience past her own fingers. and maybe im just being selfconious because she is very important to me. idk

Helpful - 0
684030 tn?1415612323
Some people can't tolerate touch for emotional or psychological reasons; rather than, physiological reasons. Might this be the situation with her?
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Avatar universal
shes 20
and i suppose to clarify  shes so sensitive that anything more than the lightest touch doesnt feel good or help the orgasm anymore and starts to become uncomfortable. even during climax i have to be very gentle.
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1305762 tn?1311548999
Yeah, please clarify what you mean. Also, how old is she?
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684030 tn?1415612323
... so, are you saying that she is so hyper-sensitive that the "lightest touch" brings her to orgasm? If this is, indeed, the case, I would say that she is likely multi-orgasmic, which is ordinarily perceived as an advantage; and not a problem in a sexual relationship.

Yes, some of us are wired that way... I am. If she's having orgasms, regardless of how or why... believe me, she's satisfied!
Helpful - 0
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