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1536548 tn?1292551788

sexuality issue in 26 year old virgin male

Well i am partially virgin...

As a kid and teen i was obese and really shy, so even the girls i was attracted to were driven away by both my personality and my appearance. When went to college i thought i would lose my virginity and i would have a normal sex life...but neither happened....i was depressed for a long time and didnt start to lose weight until i was 20-21...then i fell into another wierd depression state were i was afraid to come on to girls because i didnt have the experience and i thought they would mock me. 2 years later, and after some depression incidents, i decided to visit a prostitute to lose my virginity and start my sex life...but i didnt get erect so this was a major fail and blow to my personality and ego...i mean i thought i wasnt getting lucky because of my appearance or lack of confidence but it never occured to me that i might be homosexual... I fell into a huge depression after this and was feeling awful all of the time...i did get my college degree and joined the army for a year (its compulsory in the country i live in) all of this time, i was just trying to forget what happened with the prostitute....when i left the army...i had to find a job and had (and still do) huge pressure from my family to do so...and i understand them because they dont know what has happened...they think that im just waiting for the right one to come or that i do have a girl but im not revealing her for some reason... About 6 months ago (i am now 26) i started viewing gay porn...and i have to admit that it got me aroused...i was even convinced for a while that i was gay...but again the period of my getting turned on by girls came back...and left me into a huge confusion about my sexuality...and of course i carry the luggage of not exploring these things when i was younger and actually lost a part of my sexual life...either homo or not....of course being a homo will be a huge life changing fact for me but again, i want to enjoy sex...i cant stand it any more...but the thing is, i dont know if im a real homo or bi or str8 and i dont have the guts to approach either gender because at my age most of the people are sexually experienced and will send me away as a wierdo.....And i have the extra fear of approaching a girl because of my fear of losing erection again!

I dont what to do...i refuse to seek a job because i am so confused and depressed and nervous over the whole matter and my life has come to a point where nothing else matters...i have thought of ending my life but then again, even if i have to admit to myself that i am gay, i want to enjoy intimate sexual moments with a partner...it is sth i have never experienced and its killing me slowly day by day...i dont know how long i can go on before i kill myself...

please, does any body have a solid piece of advice? because its a ******* pity im wasting all my best years... :(
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Avatar universal
My Name is Garry, I am 23 year old, I want to tell you about my sex problem, I started hand practice in the age of 13, and still doing, but my sex power has been very low, I dont know why, either because of much hand practice, or what else, and some times when I get some sexy feelings or will see any sexy woman, some liquid drops will come out from my penis, and , my sex timing is very low, within 1-2 minutes I finished , I dont knw wht sould I do, My parents are forcing me to get marry, but I am affraid, can you please help to give a better suggession what should I do, Thanks
Helpful - 0
1536548 tn?1292551788
Hello and thankyou for answering me... I had literally tears running down my face just by seeing that someone answered me and took the time to say sth meaningful... You did not write me a novel dont worry...you actually filled me with hope because in this time im really really freaking out and i am lonely on the matter because noone knows the truth to its true extent...not even both therapists i have seen over the years...

You know i used to be obese but now im totally different as far as my appearance goes. And with time i have gotten more sociable... I used to be envious and shy in front of men that worked out and feeling bad about my bad shape and now i am one of them and even got to be the social chap in the gym that gets along easily...and i know the point its not to be a fit muscular monster to get a girlfriend but to be one boosts my self esteem even if i dont want it to...and i really dont want it to because going through all this made me regret my whole life until now regarding friendship and dating...i used to be very immature and i knew it but couldnt do anything about it...and i used to get angry when friends mocked me...but now i see... I see that eventually the larger than life sexual and social predator i was trying to be was not only immature as hell, it was also utterly untrue...because now that i see things more maturely, i can see that "larger than life" doesnt exist and all people have to fight for happiness and usually its not a matter of wealth or appearance but a state of internal health...something which i lacked for pretty much all of my life till now... :(   Not only i wasnt the beast i wanted to be (childishly and foolishly i thought so even though i was FAT and a complete idiot) but i wasnt even close...so instead of working on my appearance and maturity and honor my friends and family and the girls that actually knocked on my door, i was always plagued by the thought that i deserve better...so this is how i ended up here...im ashamed about it...because deep inside i know im a nice person but hugely immature that acted foolishly towards friends, family and girls... i want to change...

You surely helped alot and you sound you know what youre talking about...you hit many bullseyes :) As far as my sexuality goes, i must tell you that a man's sexual appetite is sth very very delicate in psychological issues... i might get aroused by nothing when im calm...and i may lose erection while seeing the hottest person naked in front of me when im stressed about sth...even now that im young and the body is still responding vigorously... and when you are stressed bout sex itself, then it is a lose-lose situation...

My problems are the following 2:

1)Because i fear i might be a homo, or somewhere in between, i live in a highly homophobic society (greece) and im afraid to explore...  and when i forget about the fact that i do find certain male bodies attractive then females attract me normally...but the homo thing gets into my mind i get confused and run away scared...So i cannot ask a girl out because im afraid i will feel very awkward because i dont know what to bloody do...i didnt ever occur to me that people date and have sexual urges...i was so naive and protected in family, and an only kid...can you believe it? i thought of it as sth really BIG and important and it stressed so much that even with the thought of a girl standing near me in a sexual way scared the living **** out of me and id run away in panick usually breaking the girl's heart.... its eating away my soul...:(

2) At my age it is difficult to find a girl to open my heart to and ask her to go slowly...because many of us guys now are considered to sexually experienced so even making out would not be a matter...but to me everything is new still and i have to go slowly...or else it will be failure again just like with the prostitute....and of course the fear of actually being gay and not getting turned on at all by making out with a girl is making me sometimes puke and cry and go crazy inside my head... :(


I know i just wrote you a novel...and if you even go through it quickly i will owe you eternally...! :)   If you want my skype and hotmail it is:  skype: jimmaster21 and msn: ***@****     im   michael from greece, 26 years old....glad to meet you and i hope there are more people like you in the world...because sadness may come from things that dont occur to many people...but surely for me it is a suicidal cause and i constantly feel that i cannot go on...the weight is just SO big...

THNX AGAIN AND IM SORRY FOR THE LENGTH!
From my heart
MICHAEL
Helpful - 0
987930 tn?1315139554
Randomly stumbled across your story while looking at the "Questions to Answer" section, and I couldn't read without posting. I just wanted to assure you of a few things:

*First of all, it's OKAY that you haven't lost it yet. I know it feels like it's "normal" or more acceptable to lose your virginity earlier on in life, but honestly... a lot of people make it through high school and even college with it in-tact. It's just not something people feel free or at ease discussing, because our society makes it such a point of shame. So give yourself a break and stop focusing on how you've missed out on the "best time" to lose it... because the best time will be when it really happens and you can enjoy it!

*Secondly, it's actually VERY common for guys to lack erections in the face of a high pressure sexual situation. It sounds like the attempt to illicit the prostitute's services was exactly that; you had no emotional connection to the person and it was all a matter of getting it over with... so it's no wonder you lacked the arousal you needed! Anxiety is a mood-killer, and that's why it would be best to have your first encounter be as low-pressure as possible.

*Thirdly. I'm very sorry to hear you're suicidal over your sexual confusion... but again, I think what you're exploring is perfectly normal. Sexuality isn't a black or white zone, it's a sliding scale. Some people are securely placed at either end of the scale, but others are in the middle somewhere less specific. It's okay to be aroused by sexually suggestive material that involves same-sex actors, but it doesn't mean you have to proclaim yourself absolutely, positively HOMO. I understand that there's a definite lifestyle change that accompanies coming out to friends/family, but I think what you need to do first (before embarking on that road) is map out what you want of a lover.

Seriously. Make a list of what you want your ideal sexual partner, for your first encounter, to be. Don't worry about gender-related aspects, just describe to yourself what it is you want in a partner. Then, once you've nailed down what would make you most comfortable/help you reach your own satisfaction, you can re-evaluate your list and see who fits the bill. It might be a guy, it might be a girl... but in the end, it's not about that.

*Finally. Know that there are definitely people out there who absolutely LOVE interacting with virgins. It's true! It can be a turn-on for some people to walk a newbie through their paces, with patience and encouragement. You might want to consider signing up for an online dating site or two where you can express your interest in meeting someone like this, and go from there.

Didn't mean to write you a novel, but this topic is one that always tugs on my heartstrings. Some of the most awesome guys I've known/spent time with had a lot of these same issues, and I really enjoyed helping them out. I hope some of what I've written here will help you as well.
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