Avatar universal

should i tell my boyfriend the truth

i have been with this man for two years and i love deeply. i lost my virginity to him so all of my experience has only been with him. He has never given me an orgasm.  And its been two years now. I cant keep faking it.!!
I dont know what to do.
7 Responses
523042 tn?1212177895

First off, you're not alone. Most women don't have orgasms with penis-vagina sex (p-v). I'm so glad you asked about orgasms and your sexuality because the more knowledge you have, the happier your sex life will be.

Most of us learn about women’s orgasms from movies, TV and books. You know: the perfect, romantic, spontaneous, simultaneous, earth-moving Big O. We’re supposed to orgasm from 2 minutes of penis-vagina sex in the missionary position in the dark with a partner who is clueless. So we put this pressure on ourselves and are mostly disappointed when it doesn’t happen.

Here’s the reality: In women, the clitoris must be stimulated—either directly or indirectly—in order for orgasm to happen. The clitoris is our primary sex organ--not the vagina--and consists of the glans (or head), the hood which covers the glans, and the shaft. Most women do not orgasm from penis-vagina sex alone, so please don't put pressure on yourself to do so.

For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans. Also important to know is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. Orgasm is characterized by a series of pleasurable, involuntary contractions in and around the vulva (clitoris, vagina and inner/outer lips). Most women have between 5 and 8 contractions per orgasm.

Another mistake women make is in thinking that a man "gives" them an orgasm. Nothing could be further from the truth. Your orgasm is your right and responsibility. You need to learn about your OWN response, and then you can share with him what turns you on.

It takes time and practice to learn about your own orgasms before you share them with a partner, and it's important that you “own” your orgasm fully and not let someone else define how you should be responding. The best way to find out what you like is to experiment when you’re alone. Check out the area around your clitoris first. Be sure to use some lubrication and gently touch around the top and sides to find out what feels good. You may need to do this many times before you get comfortable and used to the intensity. Find the sensitive spots that feel good. The best part of this learning experience is that it’s fun!

Once you understand your own body’s responses, then you can begin to share them with a partner—even more fun! Be patient. It takes time to learn and to build up trust, but if you do this now, you’ll be setting yourself up for yummy sex for the rest of your life. I highly recommend the book, "For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality," by Lonnie Barbach. It's widely available in paperback, and is a step-by-step program for learning about your own sexual response. In addition, it contains lots of sharing by women about their own personal journeys of sexual self-discovery. I think it will help you immensely.

And one final word about orgasms: They last about 10 seconds, and yet we put so much value on them. Besides orgasm, there are lots of pleasurable things to enjoy during sex--whether it's with yourself or with a partner. So please don't focus solely on orgasm. If you put that kind of pressure on yourself, it becomes a "job" instead of fun. And sex can be lots of fun if you relax and enjoy all the sensations. Sex is a grand buffet of wonderful dishes. If you focus on only one, you'll miss out on all the other wonderful flavors. Good luck! Dr. J
1835816 tn?1318287221
you should tell him the truth, 2 years is a long time so its not a trivial relationship so he might just be understanding.. Talk to him, he clearly loves you, spice up your lives, but it takes two to agree!
Avatar universal
.I have been married for 8 years and still don't have a test of proper sex. My husband is very interested in me. He would jump on me 3 times a week but after stimulating me he can stay only for few seconds. I tried to talk to him many times and try to tell him to see a doctor. But he gets angry on me. I am very very upset about what happening with my life. I have 2 kids. The other problem is I am the bread earner in the family and he doesn't want me to talk to any man. It means any man...doesn't matter younger or older,...relative or neighbour or colleagues....Every night is a terrible night for me...He seems always satisfied and he tries to satisfy me using his finger which is horrible...I really love my husband ...he is a lovely man...any help .
1828226 tn?1323565248
You shouldn't have been faking orgasms for so long. Once you tell him, he might lose complete interest in having sex with you. Try longer foreplay and different sex positions that target the g-spot.
1808540 tn?1320114860
I wouldn't tell you you've been faking it, that would destroy a man's ego. Instead I would "change things up" tell him how you want to try something new, and do the new thing that can help YOU achieve an orgasm.
Avatar universal
You really should tell him a relationship is built on trust and honesty..If you continue to pretend you are only hurting yourself and leaving room for you to seek satisfaction physically else where and this causes a problem of its on sweetie just ease him into it..Try talking to him and explaing if that doesnt work guide his head...and well youknow the rest Good luck hun but be honest to him and most of all yourself!!
Avatar universal
you must leave him...dont tell him the reason... it will destroyed him.... you can try new way too.. new style of sex... my girlfriend reach 3 time to ergasm point during the sex with me... your bf must learn the sex story...

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