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Sleeping? Awake? Abuse? Leave or stay?

Ok so this is quite hard and difficult, may even be difficult for who ever reads this. I've been living with my boyfriend 8 months, almost 9. He sometimes touches me in his sleep, or what I'd like to believe is his sleep. I had talks with him about it and we haven't talked to a professional. Well he stopped doing that while I was awake and instead I started waking up to him doing that. Right away I'd move his hand and stuff and he'd go right back to sleep... He's done things like grab my hand and pull it to his penis, and once he actually got on top of me and tried having sex and I pushed him off. He went back to sleep. Sometimes it really does seem like he's awake while doing it though and I've caught him pretending to sleep, for other reasons though, like to spy on me to see what I'm up to. We were fighting a lot at one point so I left to stay with my mother for a few weeks and when I got back, the first night he did it again. This time I was sure he was awake and just pretending because he was awake not very long before he did it... I watched his eyes kind of squint in a way where it could look like he's sleeping but they're really open... Hard to explain. It's like what we've probably all done as children, close our eyes but only to the point we can still somewhat see... That. So I left and he got up right after and went downstairs and he got mad at me for leaving the room. I told him what happened and he got mad and said "well my fingers don't smell like *****". He's used that line a few times... After that he hasn't done it so much to my knowledge and I started thinking, "well maybe I just don't wake up to it anymore." So I try to pretend to sleep to see if he does anything but I always end up falling asleep... Then yesterday, I slept most of the day so when night time came.. I fell asleep and I woke up to him touching me, and instead of moving his hand right away like I always have and all that, I stayed "sleeping". To see if he was awake and to see how long it would go on and stuff and if he would stop, roll over and be asleep... Well, it didn't stop, and he even shifted himself down a little so his penis could touch me. So grinded gently on me and kept touching... That was a for sure sign he was awake because he actually shifted himself so he could do that and it was very gently so that I wouldn't wake up and he kept going and it was the way he did it.. He was being cautious and stuff.. I was soooo sure that he was awake.. So I got up as if I was just waking up because I didn't want to fight or talk about it just yet. He moved over and stopped touching me, turned completely around so he wasn't facing me. So I grabbed a blanket and went downstairs.. As I was leaving he "woke up" and asked where I was going. I said bathroom. I came back up after I went to the bathroom and grabbed some cigarettes and my phone and went back down, again he "woke up" and asked where I was going now... "downstairs" I said. He got angry and came down and was like "I was rubbing your back for 3 hours, that'll be the last time I do that." And so I said "3 hours? Well that's good to know." I wasn't awake the whole time... So I don't know how long he was doing that and I don't know when it switched from rubbing my pack to rubbing my vagina. All I needed to know though, was if he was sleeping or not. So he went upstairs and started messaging me on facebook... Saying a lot of angry things and stuff, so I told him what happened and told him to stop lying to me because I know the truth now. He then started saying I was lying and then started going on about all these other things that had no relevance to what happened. He was being very mean and said really horrible things. I figured that was a defense thing because he knew he was guilty but didn't want to own up. So it went on.. He was yelling at me for other things, making me feel like crap and all.... Then I started crying and stuff and he sat beside me and I moved to another seat... He said he really doesn't remember doing that stuff and that he was rubbing my back, my lower stomach and right above my bum and that he was not touching me. He said that a few times before that time too... And he said he said he must have been falling asleep and waking back up and stuff but he doesn't remember falling asleep. and he started sounding really sincere and now I'm unsure again whether he's telling the truth or not.
A while ago I looked up sleep disorders, I guess there's a new sleep disorder that involves doing sexual things in their sleep and usually they're violent. He's not really violent though and he always says he has never done it to anyone else. We have been together just as long as we've been living together and RIGHT before me there was a girl he was with for 3 years I think. So I believe he hasn't done it to anyone else, but that would mean it couldn't be a sleep disorder right? So what would that be? He's also been calling me names lately when he gets mad... Never physically hurt me though. Anyways, this isn't really about the name calling or anything, this is about the things he does when me and him are sleeping, so I'd like to believe. Please help!! I need answers!!
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Avatar universal
I know this was a long time ago, but I just wanted to comment in case you are still in this situation and/or can give us an update. I am so sorry you were/are going through this. I hope you left him. He was absolutely sexually and verbally abusing you, and gaslighting you by lying so blatantly. What a sick person you had to deal with! I really hope you escaped. There is NO EXCUSE for his behavior. None.
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Avatar universal
Like you, I'm a little skeptical about his claim to be sleeping during all this. I think he finds it a turn-on. Maybe it's a fetish. Or he's just really immature. Even if he's telling the truth, you don't deserve the verbal abuse. I would leave him, and for what it's worth I would not move in with a guy until after getting married -- or perhaps an engagement ring. From a guy's perspective, it's just too convenient to have all the benefits of marriage or a committed relationship, but without the commitment. Find someone who respects you enough to take things at a slower pace. For whatever that's worth!
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