Aa
help me please
I am 15 years old, just began my sophomore year of high school.
As long as I can remember, I have had problems sleeping. When I was younger I would repeatedly walk around my house and lock all of the windows and doors, I would lock my bedroom door and my bathroom door and shove blankets under my curtains to prevent strangers from peering into my bedroom. I would have my parents sit outside of my room until I fell asleep. This was all when I was 5-10 years old. I would also hallucinate and see floating orbs of energy and ghostly figures around my house. Those have stopped, but I still stay up at night shaking and crying from the noises I hear around the house, I still methodically lock the windows and doors. I cant sleep in the dark. When I was in middle school I was bullied severely and my parents didn't believe me, I was alone. I became extremely depressed, I cut and attempted suicide a countless number of times. Whenever I told my parents about my feelings they would yell at me, call me a freak. So, I stopped telling them things. In 8th grade I stopped cutting because I had gotten arrested and when I showed my mom the 60+ cuts on my hips, she told me I was a disgrace. I have self-diagnosed myself with depression and I have been living with it for 4 years. The paranoia has not stopped, when I am awake, I am terrified. I shake and sweat and cry. When I am asleep, I have horrible nightmares. At this very moment I hear creaking noises and I am panicking. This is every night. I have begun drinking to help myself fall asleep at night. I cant tell my parents this, if I do they will realize that I am not their perfect child. They will ridicule me and degrade me. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I want to know. I need to know what the cause of this 15 year phobia is. Anything will help. Please. Thank you.
As long as I can remember, I have had problems sleeping. When I was younger I would repeatedly walk around my house and lock all of the windows and doors, I would lock my bedroom door and my bathroom door and shove blankets under my curtains to prevent strangers from peering into my bedroom. I would have my parents sit outside of my room until I fell asleep. This was all when I was 5-10 years old. I would also hallucinate and see floating orbs of energy and ghostly figures around my house. Those have stopped, but I still stay up at night shaking and crying from the noises I hear around the house, I still methodically lock the windows and doors. I cant sleep in the dark. When I was in middle school I was bullied severely and my parents didn't believe me, I was alone. I became extremely depressed, I cut and attempted suicide a countless number of times. Whenever I told my parents about my feelings they would yell at me, call me a freak. So, I stopped telling them things. In 8th grade I stopped cutting because I had gotten arrested and when I showed my mom the 60+ cuts on my hips, she told me I was a disgrace. I have self-diagnosed myself with depression and I have been living with it for 4 years. The paranoia has not stopped, when I am awake, I am terrified. I shake and sweat and cry. When I am asleep, I have horrible nightmares. At this very moment I hear creaking noises and I am panicking. This is every night. I have begun drinking to help myself fall asleep at night. I cant tell my parents this, if I do they will realize that I am not their perfect child. They will ridicule me and degrade me. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I want to know. I need to know what the cause of this 15 year phobia is. Anything will help. Please. Thank you.
You could have a vitamin and mineral deficiency, surprisingly enough. Take a whole-food supplement. Get exercise in the fresh air and sunshine. Completely drain all this bad energy with exercise. Take a probiotic. Try yoga. Play music that lifts your mood and helps you stop brooding. You can take a supplement called Rescue Remedy.
Anxiety and depression suck, but this is stealing your joy and your life. Bullies are horrible, but what they say about you is not you. You need a distraction - something that fascinates you so much you block out bad thoughts and don't have time for them.
Anxiety and depression suck, but this is stealing your joy and your life. Bullies are horrible, but what they say about you is not you. You need a distraction - something that fascinates you so much you block out bad thoughts and don't have time for them.
Locking doors and windows is a good idea, go ahead and do it... but it is too bad you can't get fresh air during pleasant weather - that and friendly night sounds help many of us sleep. If it helps, even a night light when sleeping sounds good to me.
There are no easy answers, and it sounds like you have a very difficult environment - as always anyone your age needs one or more adults who can listen and talk with you directly - maybe a counselor at school, or a minister or an aunt or uncle... and, yes, your parents. You have to try to explain to them so they can understand - this means you have to somehow be very logical an talk in a calm voice and manner.
You write very well, looks like you have a good mind and are a good student in the face of your difficulties. I think you have the ability to find a way to discuss your difficulties with the adults in your life.
Remember, never take any actions recommended over the Internet/Web without first talking it over with your parents or other family or trusted adults in your life.
P.S.
I am 74 years old and the last thing I do before going to bed at night, usually around midnight, is check all the exterior doors and first floor windows to be sure they are locked. I also have motion sensing lights outside that trip on if something passes near the house, including a deer or large dog... our small Westie sometimes trips the lights when he is out to potty. My wife thinks I am too cautious, but it makes me more comfortable.
I have never in all my years ever had anyone break into my home, guess that is due to some luck, good neighborhoods and my care.
There are no easy answers, and it sounds like you have a very difficult environment - as always anyone your age needs one or more adults who can listen and talk with you directly - maybe a counselor at school, or a minister or an aunt or uncle... and, yes, your parents. You have to try to explain to them so they can understand - this means you have to somehow be very logical an talk in a calm voice and manner.
You write very well, looks like you have a good mind and are a good student in the face of your difficulties. I think you have the ability to find a way to discuss your difficulties with the adults in your life.
Remember, never take any actions recommended over the Internet/Web without first talking it over with your parents or other family or trusted adults in your life.
P.S.
I am 74 years old and the last thing I do before going to bed at night, usually around midnight, is check all the exterior doors and first floor windows to be sure they are locked. I also have motion sensing lights outside that trip on if something passes near the house, including a deer or large dog... our small Westie sometimes trips the lights when he is out to potty. My wife thinks I am too cautious, but it makes me more comfortable.
I have never in all my years ever had anyone break into my home, guess that is due to some luck, good neighborhoods and my care.
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