Kathyjo...Need Your Support Please!!!

[Jade59]

I can just barely say this out loud, but I've relapsed AGAIN!!  God, I don't know what's wrong with me : (   Well, I do know what's wrong.....I have too much time on my hands.  I haven't been able to work for years due to physical problems and take pain medication and the medication is like alcohol.....it makes me want to smoke.  My physical problems will keep me on this medication forever.  I can only clean the house and do so much laundry, you know?  I still walk every day, but I'm bored out of my mind.  Reading about people that are trying to quit or going to quit makes me think about it all the time.  I am so disgusted with myself and my husband is losing some of his patience.  He went back to work so it's become easy to smoke while he's gone.  

My stomach doesn't hurt too bad yet, but it will soon I'm sure.  Gosh, I was going to say "how do you do it," but I know how to do it.  I tell other people on here all the time.  Sob, sob, sob.........how can I help other people when I can't even help myself?  

Meanwhile, I would be celebrating my 8mo anniversary if I could have just GOTTEN IT TOGETHER and wasn't such a masochist!!!   I know there is nothing new for you to say that you haven't said to me and to others on this forum before.  

Just writing this has made me feel a little better and I've stopped crying.  I just needed to confess I suppose.  I guess it's really going to take me a whole year to stop smoking and I won't give up.  It's only been a couple of weeks so I am choosing tomorrow for my new quit date.  I could just bang my head against the wall. Bang and bang and bang!!!   I'm so angry and disappointed in me.  

Thank for listening Kathyjo.  You're doing so well and I'm so proud of you.  You must be going on 6mos by now.  Good job my friend.

Lord Help Me!!!!!!!

[Jade59]

Would that be an edible mushroom or the poisenous kind?  Hmm, hmm?  : )  

Well hey, so happy to hear you started on the Chantix!  Your idea or not, I'm happy for you anyway.  Maybe you've scrolled through here already, but several people have started Chantix, but not stopped smoking right away.  Just did what you're doing.....smoked less and less.  So you choose a new quit date......make it a month away if that seems less scary.

When I quit last July, OMG, the panic attacks!!  I went to the hospital twice in 3days.  I don't normally have panic attacks, just anxiety, so I didn't know WHAT was happening.   I'm pretty sure my anxiety improves overall when I don't smoke.  Also, my pain levels decrease dramatically.  I think I had the panic attacks initially because I felt so wired and so much better, I was forgetting to take the Ultram which I've taken for almost 15yrs.  Seizures you know.  As soon as I reinstated the Ultram, I stopped feeling like I couldn't breathe and the muscle cramps lessened.  The anxiety never went away though, but rather seemed to increase.  Hence, the relapses.  

With the support of you, Kathyjo and my husband, so far so good today.  It's half way over too, thank God!

You can do this Greenlydia.  You've done it before, you can do it again and this time, we are all here for you!

Talk soon.....    

[RubyWitch]

Those bloody urges are like banshees screaming in my head when I attempt a quit! So many people say, "Oh, just wait a few minutes and the urge will pass." Well guess what!!!!!! For ME the urge NEVER passed! NEVER! It just got worse and worse as the day went on until I thought I was going to go crazy. That voice in my head telling me that just one drag would end the pain, that I'd be OK after that one drag............it just NEVER SHUT UP! And if I made it thru that first day, the second was worse and the third harder still............I NEVER made it to a place where I could fight the cravings back. I have always caved on my quits. ALWAYS! So, if anyone can talk about feeling like a failure...................
Add into that mix a dose of panic now and again, and you have a double demon on your back. I never smoked while I was having a panic attack, I was too scared about everything going on in my head and body to think about lighting up..........maybe I would have but I felt too "disorganized" to even find the damn things.
I got some freaky news from my cardiologist a few months ago. I'll spare you the details, but the bottom line........I HAVE TO QUIT SMOKING. He said if I don't, then he will expect me to have a "cardiac event" within five years. OK, that scared the **** out of me, but as soon as I left his office, with my script for Chantix in one hand, I was lighting up with the other and have been for the past 4 months since I got this news. Which makes me what? A stupid failure?
I began taking the Chantix one week and two days ago. And I'm still smoking. Not as much, but when my "quit day" came around, I said "I've been smoking for 35 years, heavy, and I need more than one week on this stuff to help ME!"
Gees, I came over here to ask about some really weird side effects I'm having with the Chantix and I found you again! You keep popping up like a mushroom!
Years ago when I was in a quit chat room, one of the folks had a tag line from Yoda......that little "thing" in Star Wars...........he would end his posts with Yodas famous words: "DO OR NOT DO........THERE IS NO TRY."
So for you g/f, for today, you DO!
Hang onto your quit!
Peace
Greenlydia    

[Jade59]

Oh you little sweetheart!!  Thank you so much for your encouragement because I sure need it.  

I'm so glad I just checked this site because I'm fighting the urge really bad at the moment.

1)  Keep the positives in mind, they are the only thing that matters!

2) Smoking is not an option!

My physical problems are bugging the heck out of me today and I know taking a drag would make me feel worse...awful...terrible.  That is the reality.  "My cigarette, My friend" is trying to woo my with the lie that my anxiety will lessen if I would just take a drag.  

Thanks again Greenlydia!  

[RubyWitch]

Hey Toots..........like kathyjo said and I give a hearty second to, is that you can NOT look at this recent slip as a failure. It was a slip. Period. You do NOT need to go all the way back to square one like the past 8 months didn't happen. You just dust your *** off and get back on the horse. Simple but not simple and certainly not easy. You have proven to yourself you can beat the demon........but we ARE human and sometimes we fall down.
I applaude you and your quit............because it still IS your quit!
One of the many times I quit, my little mantra was simple but it worked for quite awhile for me..............SMOKING IS NOT AN OPTION...............
PM me sometime and we'll talk!
I'm super proud of you for attempting this quit and dealing with stuff in your "other" family!
Peace
Greenlydia

[kathyjo]

You are so sweet : )
As much as I can offer support is as much as I need it too.
Everything I write has somewhat helped me get through a particularly tough moment and so I am merely going through each day with the attitude that I can do it, but only one day at a time.....and as the day ends, I truly thank the powers that be for getting me through it.
You have all the right tools but what you need to be is more forgiving of yourself. You have a lot going on in your life and everything influences our moods......we all have weak moments and that's just what makes us human. Don't beat yourself up but just dust yourself off and keep on keeping on : )

Thank you for asking for help and allowing me to help you, help me : )
Kathy Jo

[Jade59]

Thank you Kathyjo, again.  I like the part about picking up where I left off instead of starting all over.  That's good!  

I think the fact that I STILL don't think "oh I have failed so I'll just keep smoking" is in my favor.  I think of each time as an "oops" like you said.  I have to keep the positives in mind every single minute because there really are so many of them for me.  It certainly didn't take long for my pain levels to increase.  I have not had a cigarette today and I really feel better all ready.  

Kathyjo, you are a good friend and thank you so very much for being here for me.  I appreciate you  : )

Take care and YOU are doing GREAT!!!!!!   In fact, you should be Community Leader here.  It seems that you are the only one, or the only one who posts, who has been so successful.  You are a true inspiration!!!

  

[kathyjo]

So you start again tomorrow....not really start again but pick up where you left off! You have to know with each "oops" you are on your way to the "forever quit".
You can't go beating up on yourself and you need to begin thinking of ways that will keep you so busy that you won't have any time for anything else : )  My little or big escape is genealogy. I have been involved in it since 1999 and am still going strong. It really does take up all of my spare time......aside from my exercise and housekeeping : )
Please go easy on yourself and try to be patient. You can't expect to make a life long habit go away, just because you will it to. You have to keep reinforcing your quit, making the positives the only thing that matters and sending the urges a strong message; I will not smoke now, I must never smoke again.
Both you and your husband know you are capable of quitting, you have twice before, so just ask him to have a little more patience and remind him how important it is to you that he supports you : )
When you wake up tomorrow, you continue your quit and remember that as humans we are imperfect but the lessons we live & learn along the way bring us closer to our perfect selves : )
Hang in there and I'm here for you : )
Kathy Jo