Well is your step son getting enough one on one quality time with is dad? It sounds like he's not. Make that a priority. How long have you been married? You can't demand respect overnight from a kid who barely knows you... Assuming that's the case. No matter what, the kid and his dad are a package deal. So focus on ways to make things better. One would be to have his dad do all the disciplining. If you haven't known the child for very long, and he doesn't respect you, discipline from you won't mean a darn thing, and will cause him to dislike you. Also, like I mentioned before, have him and his dad hang out, just the two of them. Even if it's just going to the park together, or making and eating breakfast just the two of them. Doesn't have to be anything elaborate. Next, you should start working on your relationship with him. When you talk to him, it may help to have him look you in the eyes, before you say what you need to say (that's the only way most people can get my SS to hear them). Treat him with respect, and kindness, but be stern and fair with rules, and eventually he will start to see you as a parental figure, and someone he can trust. You can either be the bitter step mom, or the cool aunt-type person in his life. The choice is yours.
7. she left him from ages 1-5. She's back now. 50/50 custody
How old is the child? Where's the bio mother?
We have been together 2 years. Married 5 months. He does get plenty of time with his dad. I say I'm tired or don't want to go. I run to the store by myself and leave them together. I always book my hair, nails massages etc on weekends we have him to get away. If his dad isn't around and it's just the two of us he's nice to me, talks to me, isn't needy. Totally different kid
Don't hate the child............hate the unfortunate circumstances. I really don't think you "hate" him. I think you are frustrated.
Well, hon..........this child has been through a lot already. His parents aren't together and mom has been in out of his life. That might explain why he is super clingy when dad's around. Now mom is back, but who knows for how long and he also has a stepmom to deal with. A lot of changes for a young child. These kinds of changes can be very scary for a child. The ONLY constant person who has been in this poor child's life is his father.
"7 year old SS acts like he can't hear or understand English when I speak to him. Cries every time I correct him for something."...........Are you doing this when dad's present? When dad is present he really should be seen as the main disciplinarian, not you. I am not saying you don't have a say in correcting the child, BUT I would suggest you discuss the problem with dad BEFORE correcting the child. Let dad do the correcting if he is present.
I am wondering why you find his neediness "annoying?" The child is just 7 and I think it's pretty typical for a child his age wanting a lot of attention, but it probably is a bit in overdrive because of the situations he has had to deal with. Perhaps since you don't have children of your own you are having a difficult time relating.
I am going recommend two books that might of some help:
'The Happy Stepmother' by Rachelle Katz
'Stepmonster' by Wednesday Martin
I am 8 weeks pregnant can't wait to have my own. Thank you for the recommendations. I usually let my husband do the disciplining but sometimes when he's just annoying the hell out of me I have to say something. Certain things seem important to me that my husband doesn't always pick up on. I try and bite my tongue as much as possible.