Hi Alaska!!! I just joined this group and I see it's been awhile since you posted this. I hope you are doing better than you had been at the time you wrote this. If not that's okay. Getting off pills or any other substance can be tough. I used to drink, smoke pot, do speed and take pills. I even stopped smoking cigarettes. The biggest thing I had to learn before I could something down was that I couldn't do it alone. I needed someone who had been there and done that to guide me through it. Sometimes words don't cut for us. I had to have someone there to give me an "attaboy" or just sit quietly with me till the urges passed. I hope this helps. Where ever you're at give life a chance. Keep on trying!!!!